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Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
Invigoron · 07/09/2025 20:16

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 20:15

The items belong to him. He wants to humiliate you. Please leave.

Madness

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 20:15

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 20:08

This place is toxic. I can't believe you have to explain that to a stranger. Words fail me.

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On the continent abortion beyond 14 weeks is generally only when mother is at risk etc. I think UK & Netherlands are exceptions to rest of Europe.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 20:15

The items belong to him. He wants to humiliate you. Please leave.

Seajaye · 07/09/2025 20:13

The man is an idiot. If he is keeping all the stuff then obviously you shouldn't pay for half of it, as you are going to need your own stuff in your new place, and presumably he's not offering to pay you half of those costs . It's a bit odd to pay for flooring in a rental in any case.

Lolopolo · 07/09/2025 20:13

Hope you are ok OP. The troglodyte’s on here are definitely not ok. Ignore them. Good luck to you.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 20:11

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 14:29

We fortunately didn't have a deposit to pay so there isn't any issue there.
I have offered a compromise of paying for the white goods but he wants to keep them so I am at a loss of what to do?!

Leave that's the only answer. Run as far as you can. Don't give this cunt anymore money and fuck him off.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 20:10

This reply has been deleted

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Falseknock · 07/09/2025 20:08

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 07/09/2025 20:04

@Invigoron OP is not an incubator. She’s a person. She has the right to choose what to do with her body.

You can’t say you are pro choice and then suggest you feel OP should have chosen differently. That’s not pro choice.

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This place is toxic. I can't believe you have to explain that to a stranger. Words fail me.

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 07/09/2025 20:04

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:40

Oh just fuck right off. I would never want to give my child up for adoption. My baby was very much wanted by me despite what you may think. Like I have said, I made the very difficult decision for a variety of reasons you know nothing about. This post was nothing to do with the baby so please get lost and go and do something else with your day.

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@Invigoron OP is not an incubator. She’s a person. She has the right to choose what to do with her body.

You can’t say you are pro choice and then suggest you feel OP should have chosen differently. That’s not pro choice.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 20:03

ManchesterLu · 07/09/2025 19:03

She's been using them since he paid to have them fitted in MARCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's 6 months ago! I genuinely think she SHOULD pay him something towards it! Basically she agreed to go halves so he effectively lent her the money, now she's refusing to pay him back.

And aborted his baby NOT at an early stage.

Wow.

The man IS NOT always the bad guy!

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After what he said to her "a baby killer." Fuck that you can have whatever opinion you want about abortion. The op shouldn't have to pay no more money she should leave.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/09/2025 20:03

"Idiocy to pat to fit out a rented house imo."

Well, it depends.
My rental flat came with a fridge and an ice box, but not proper freezer. There's no washing machine. Would I be an idiot to buy a freezer and washing machine? I think not.

It also came with horrible old dirty blinds and I'm keeping those because it would be extremely difficult for me to take them anywhere else. On the other hand, I may put up some thick curtains at some point...

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 20:00

Adelle79360 · 07/09/2025 19:47

Well I can’t speak for others but I didn’t miss that she said that. It’s nothing to do with what I said, I saw it a number of times in the comments. He wants her to pay half and he wants to stay there. If he can’t stay there OP will pay half and presumably get half of whatever items can be removed.

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Yes, exactly, if he fails the affordability assessment and has to leave OP will pay him half, but that seems to be irrelevant to him and he wants her to pay half regardless and has threatened to take her to small claims court if she doesn't. (Of course, unless he has evidence of their agreement the claim would be a non-starter.)

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 19:59

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 14:17

I juat haven't paid for the goods. I contribute monthly to all of our out goings.
I am having to move because of the mental headspace I am currently in.
Since the termination I have been called a moron, I'm rotten and a baby killing deadbeat. So despite him paying out for things I do feel it's best I leave and as soon as possible.
I mean three weeks from today. If I pay him back now and move in three weeks. I understand I've been in the house longer than that, which is what he's said. I've had "use" out of the goods. But he is keeping them and doesn't intend to move.

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Do you have family to turn to this sounds so toxic. You need to leave sooner if you can.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 07/09/2025 19:57

Tell him if your paying half your taking half the items and half the blinds in which case he needs to buy new ones for himself so you may as well pay nothing and he keeps the lot.

UneFoisAuChalet · 07/09/2025 19:57

You clearly want nothing more to do with him so I personally find the £1.5 to get him off my back permanently.

This ‘debt’ keeps you untwined to him. Yes, it may feel like what’s the point, you’re leaving the property, but he’s angry about this, it fuels him and confirms to him that you’re a shit person.

Pay him. It will be the best money you’ve ever spent as he has no reason to contact you ever again.

Bikergran · 07/09/2025 19:55

Stupid to pay out for new blinds and flooring in a rental. His problem. Get out fast.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 07/09/2025 19:53

OP not the point of the thread but I actually think it takes an awful lot of strength to say that you can’t have a child due to the relationship you are in.

So many women find themselves stuck in bad relationships because they’ve had a baby with someone who is lovely till the point they got pregnant and then felt trapped. They didnt want to leave and risk sharing custody.

I know you’ve been slated for it on here but just wanted to say I really admire your strength and resolve to make what I’m sure was a really hard decision 💐

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 19:50

TheSilentSister · 07/09/2025 19:02

Absolutely do not pay a thing OP. I bet you that if you had paid 1/2 originally, he would not be giving you a penny back.
I'd say the same if this was a reverse.
He has the goods. Your circumstances have changed and the relationship has broken down. I can't see the Small Claims Court making a decision is his favour. It's not like you threw out floor/blinds/white goods for new ones. He needs them, he's keeping them. He's not out of pocket.

He's not out of pocket if he remains in the house, but if he fails the HA's affordability assessment and isn't allowed to remain as a sole tenant, he will be, and it wouldn't be at all unreasonable to expect OP to pay half the cost she agreed to when he's also not able to use the goods (and she's already posted that under these circumstances she would pay him).

Adelle79360 · 07/09/2025 19:47

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 19:45

Unfortunately, what you and so many others are missing is that there is no guarantee he will remain in the property. OP's told us that after she leaves (in three weeks' time) the housing association will conduct an affordability assessment on his finances. If they deem he can't afford to remain there as a sole tenant he will have to leave too, so he also will not be using the goods. OP has said that if this comes to pass, she will pay him half the cost as he will then be in the same position as her, but that if he is able to remain in the house and enjoy the use of the goods, she will not pay him half.

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Well I can’t speak for others but I didn’t miss that she said that. It’s nothing to do with what I said, I saw it a number of times in the comments. He wants her to pay half and he wants to stay there. If he can’t stay there OP will pay half and presumably get half of whatever items can be removed.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 19:45

Adelle79360 · 07/09/2025 19:29

Also people talking about the small claims court are missing something - if he wants her to pay half he needs to share half the goods with her - which is what he’s said he won’t do! So there isn’t anything to pursue at the small claims court.

Unfortunately, what you and so many others are missing is that there is no guarantee he will remain in the property. OP's told us that after she leaves (in three weeks' time) the housing association will conduct an affordability assessment on his finances. If they deem he can't afford to remain there as a sole tenant he will have to leave too, so he also will not be using the goods. OP has said that if this comes to pass, she will pay him half the cost as he will then be in the same position as her, but that if he is able to remain in the house and enjoy the use of the goods, she will not pay him half.

Marieb19 · 07/09/2025 19:34

Your ex partner knew you couldnt afford 50% on the goods he bought and now intends to keep. You will get no benefit from them, so i sont think you can be expected to pay for them. If you did, you could rightly take half of them with you. You don't appear to be very good with money, so maybe get some advice from citizens advice on how to improve your financial position.

Lavenderandbrown · 07/09/2025 19:33

@Poppins21 precarious not precious. He’s not posting so I don’t know how precarious his future is.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/09/2025 19:32

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/09/2025 18:41

Make him an offer, in writing, for:

The percentage use you've had out of these items;
To pay for half and take the practical half that are portable.

When he inevitably tells you to fuck off to both options, tell him he can indeed take you to small claims court.

These options are fair solutions to the issue, small claims court will see that you've made fair offers, and he has refused them and most likely tell him to stick it up his arse.

Also, its a rent to buy property and he will be the owner. He has effectively invested in improving the value of his property.

Don't pay him anything. Using the fridge, walking on the floor and drawing a blind is normally included in rent. You've already paid him 50% rent and bills during your time there.

But it sounds like he is becoming increasingly aggressive his language towards you is certainly abusive. I think you should be really careful as he might get worse as you near your moving date. Have you got friends and family to support you, maybe move earlier and stay with them for the three weeks. You don't need this horrible angst.

I hope once you have moved into your new place you will have a chance to put this behind you and feel better x

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 19:32

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It’s amazing you think that…. So little self awareness!

So many people disliking you, but you still think you’re an ok person.

Troubled relationships in real life?

Adelle79360 · 07/09/2025 19:29

Also people talking about the small claims court are missing something - if he wants her to pay half he needs to share half the goods with her - which is what he’s said he won’t do! So there isn’t anything to pursue at the small claims court.

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