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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
Letsgoroundagainnow · 08/09/2025 05:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

But this isn’t one of them.

user1492757084 · 08/09/2025 05:47

Would your ex agree to you paying your half, as agreed?
Then you would both own the improvements and white goods.

You could then take half of what you own - so half the white goods and blinds because the flooring would be hard to take.
You and ex decide which blinds and white goods you remove.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/09/2025 05:40

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 23:46

The post I actually quoted from you advocated both the OP breaking the agreement she initially agreed to, and is now trying to welch out of, and perjuring herself by lying about that agreement & what was in fact agreed, to a court of law.

I am certainly not illiterate, nor do I have the patience to go up threads to read all your other bs advice. However when you advise OP that:

"You could bluff and say he offered to pay in full. ..."

What you're actually saying is: that the OP could lie and say he offered to pay in full. That is perjury, when you knowingly lie to a court of law. And it's illegal, immoral and just plain lousy imho.

I hope you are literate enough to understand my position on your advice, now that I've had to explain it to you a second time, lie by lie.

Edited
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As I have said above, if she were to pay for one half of the renovations, she would own one half of the renovations and could tear up one half of the floor, take down one half of the blinds and remove one half of the appliances.

@Cuppatealover If you decide to pay half (you've used about 1/20th of the item value, if that), make sure to take half of everything. The refrig and stove (Probably one half of the appliances), one half of the carpet and floors (make door mats) and one half of the blinds. They would be yours, free and clear and at your disposal. Just get him to sign a receipt saying you paid half, first.

Sadly, I think a few posters here think she should pay for half and then let him "have it all", because she is leaving. Maybe she should wait until he hurts her? Sexually assaults her? Should she stay in the relationship no matter what? The posters sound like the very worst type of misogynist, because, it's ALL about the "poor man" and not the fact that he has acted like a cruel twat-waffle to the point that OP has to come up with money to move away.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/09/2025 05:30

Poppins21 · 08/09/2025 04:54

my point still stands- if OPs future is precious so is his. He was building a life for a family.

Show quote history

Which then he ruined by acting as he did and making the OP realize that a child with him would lead to a lifetime of pain and ugliness. She was smart to realize it before it was too late.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/09/2025 05:27

CrumbsInMyBra · 07/09/2025 22:19

The OP is being unreasonable because she moved in with her partner at the beginning of the year and agreed with him that they would split the costs of doing this rental property up. The OP’s partner put the money up for the renovations and now we are at the tail end of the year, the relationship has sadly broken down and OP has decided she must now move out but has not paid her share of the renovations which presumably were done some time when they had just moved in i.e. towards the beginning of the year.

You’ve concluded that OP’s partner is a narcissist and injected your own personal feelings into this post rather than holding an objective view but I view this all the same irrespective of this situation being linked to a relationship breakdown. If the other character in this situation had been a friend and the friendship had broken down or perhaps an acquaintance that she was simply sharing the rental property with, I would still think OP is being unreasonable for not upholding her side of the agreement which was to pay half towards the renovations which I assume she has had the benefit of enjoying for the past couple of months. Having said that, I do also sympathise with the emotional difficulties and poor financial situation OP now finds herself facing.

Show quote history

So, the OP pays for one half of the renovations, at which point she owns one half of the renovations and can claim one half of the appliances, one half of the flooring and one half of the blinds.

ITA with you, she should pay and then take the refrig and stove, one half of the flooring and one half of the drapes. That's the fair way, eh? I mean, after all, you pay half, you own half, which becomes yours to do as you wish.

Or, do you actually think the OP should pay half and then let the man have everything free and clear? Because, that's exactly what it sounds like you are saying. She benefitted from the renovations for not even one tenth of the time they will be used. Six months is one twentieth of the relative lifespan of the items. Not hal, not a quarter.

As for her leaving. He is an abusive twat-waffle. The fact that any decent person would castigate her or blame her for leaving makes me realize this is why society has gotten so ugly.

Poppins21 · 08/09/2025 04:54

Lavenderandbrown · 07/09/2025 19:33

@Poppins21 precarious not precious. He’s not posting so I don’t know how precarious his future is.

my point still stands- if OPs future is precious so is his. He was building a life for a family.

thebabayaga2025 · 07/09/2025 23:56

thebabayaga2025 · 07/09/2025 14:29

Obviously you must not give him this money. It was agreed to verbally because you were both going to be living there and enjoying these items. Now, only he will benefit so obviously you cannot and should not pay him. Just don't engage with him, get out of there asap, do NOT give him your new address, block him and move on with your life.

Edited
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Definitely DO NOT PAY HIM. Unless he can give you something to equal the value of the goods you are paying for. He can simply accept that as he and only he will be getting the benefit of the goods he will pay for them.

As I said, the only mistake you made was telling this bullying wanker that you wouldn't be paying, you should just have left and blocked him.

You made this agreement under completely different conditions, the agreement is no longer valid.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:48

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 23:44

I wasn’t referring to OP, just saying that if there wasn’t any written agreement, then there is nothing he can do about it so his threats are invalid.

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Sorry I misunderstood. The poster you was replying to sounds awful. I read an earlier post of hers I hope she doesn't have any daughter's. She would give them terrible advice. She may be a he who knows but they sound clueless.

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 23:46

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 23:30

Are you illiterate? I said she should pay towards it further up.

Logistically how is he going to get his money if he doesn’t have the agreement in writing? I’ve been fleeced before and know without any physical proof, it’s he said she said.

Show quote history

The post I actually quoted from you advocated both the OP breaking the agreement she initially agreed to, and is now trying to welch out of, and perjuring herself by lying about that agreement & what was in fact agreed, to a court of law.

I am certainly not illiterate, nor do I have the patience to go up threads to read all your other bs advice. However when you advise OP that:

"You could bluff and say he offered to pay in full. ..."

What you're actually saying is: that the OP could lie and say he offered to pay in full. That is perjury, when you knowingly lie to a court of law. And it's illegal, immoral and just plain lousy imho.

I hope you are literate enough to understand my position on your advice, now that I've had to explain it to you a second time, lie by lie.

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 23:44

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:35

Op hasn't fleeced him the items belong to him. Why she should she pay him. You are right it's her word against his?

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I wasn’t referring to OP, just saying that if there wasn’t any written agreement, then there is nothing he can do about it so his threats are invalid.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:35

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 23:30

Are you illiterate? I said she should pay towards it further up.

Logistically how is he going to get his money if he doesn’t have the agreement in writing? I’ve been fleeced before and know without any physical proof, it’s he said she said.

Show quote history

Op hasn't fleeced him the items belong to him. Why she should she pay him. You are right it's her word against his?

SapphireSeptember · 07/09/2025 23:34

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 20:23

A verbal contract is a contract. It is your agreement. The fact is you agreed to pay half these costs to make this rental a home with your DP. You then got pregnant, so this was an investment in your, his and your future family's future to have a nice home.

Assumedly you were party to selecting the blinds, white goods & other stuff also. So you weren't passive in this.

Subsequently, the relationship was working out like you wanted it to, so for that reason, & others apparently, you then aborted your baby, (late trimester), decided to leave your DP & move out to a new place of your own, & now you also want to renege on the (verbal) agreement you made to pay for half the furnishings & white goods together.

These are the facts. As far as I can gather. Is this correct!?

I think YABVU, because while it is your prerogative to change your mind on your baby, relationship, rental share & moving out ultimately, it is not your right to break your promise to pay for previously mutually agreed expenditure imho.

Your partner may not get to stay in this house because of your actions. You have really messed up his life already, and now you don't want to pay for the promises you made, as well. This is not on, & is slimey on so many levels.

I think the fair deal out of this would be:

  1. If he's allowed to stay in the rental: to offer to sell your half of these goods to your ex partner, and so only pay him the net amount for depreciation & usage to date (say 30-50% of what you might have paid for half would be fair enough imho)
  2. If he's not approved to stay in this flat, to fully pay your share of mutually agreed flat expenditure , which in fairness your soon to be ex DP acquired for ye all in good faith. As agreed.

The choice is yours OP, you can choose to be a spineless, ex DP who fups up their ex DP's life, leaves him, aborts his baby, moves out &forces him out through assessment, & then welches on their finances agreement also, or you can try to come to a fair deal to at least leave with some good faith & perhaps retain some (self) respect.

I know which one I would do ....

Edited

Sounds like he reneged on the agreement by becoming abusive, and messed up her life even more by putting her in a situation where she felt her only option was to abort the baby she wanted. There's no such thing as a 'late' trimester. There's first, second, third, and something called the fourth trimester which is when babies are newborn. Abortions are allowed in the first and second trimester for any reason and in the third for serious medical reasons. OP had hers in the second which is perfectly legal.

Copperoliverbear · 07/09/2025 23:33

Don’t pay him, ignore him, move out and block him

M103 · 07/09/2025 23:33

I wouldn't pay, OP. And well done for having the strength to take such difficult decisions.

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 23:30

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 23:14

Wow, so not only are you advocating that she break the agreement she entered into to pay for 1/2 of everything, but that she also perjurs herself to cover up the fact she is going back on what she agreed!?

Is it just me, or does this advice not strike you as immoral, illegal, not decent and just plain wrong!?
Gawd damn!! Some people, yuck 🤮

Show quote history

Are you illiterate? I said she should pay towards it further up.

Logistically how is he going to get his money if he doesn’t have the agreement in writing? I’ve been fleeced before and know without any physical proof, it’s he said she said.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:28

BoundaryGirl3939 · 07/09/2025 23:27

Who wanted the house blinds, new floors and appliances?

He wants to buy it from the housing association.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:27

"Is it just me, or does this advice not strike you as immoral, illegal, not decent and just plain wrong!?
Gawd damn!! Some people, yuck 🤮"

You're not born stupid go and read a book put something in your head.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 07/09/2025 23:27

Who wanted the house blinds, new floors and appliances?

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:22

Longingdreamer · 07/09/2025 23:17

Can you not have a discussion as adults and make a compromise?

You did benefit from the purchases for the time you were living there. He will continue to benefit when you leave.

Could you agree to pay a quarter of the cost, for example?

He called her a baby killer and other names because she had a abortion. Are you a woman or a man?

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 23:21

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 23:14

Wow, so not only are you advocating that she break the agreement she entered into to pay for 1/2 of everything, but that she also perjurs herself to cover up the fact she is going back on what she agreed!?

Is it just me, or does this advice not strike you as immoral, illegal, not decent and just plain wrong!?
Gawd damn!! Some people, yuck 🤮

Show quote history

Have you bothered to read the ops posts. What you have said is disgusting. Be daring somewhere else if you can't be bothered to read.

Longingdreamer · 07/09/2025 23:17

Can you not have a discussion as adults and make a compromise?

You did benefit from the purchases for the time you were living there. He will continue to benefit when you leave.

Could you agree to pay a quarter of the cost, for example?

ThatDaringEagle · 07/09/2025 23:14

Beeloux · 07/09/2025 22:35

Also I highly doubt he could take you to a small claims court if there is nothing in writing. You could bluff and say he offered to pay in full. Unless there is physical proof of you declaring you will pay half, he can claim nothing.

Wow, so not only are you advocating that she break the agreement she entered into to pay for 1/2 of everything, but that she also perjurs herself to cover up the fact she is going back on what she agreed!?

Is it just me, or does this advice not strike you as immoral, illegal, not decent and just plain wrong!?
Gawd damn!! Some people, yuck 🤮

Rainbows41 · 07/09/2025 23:12

First I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss 🌸🌸💕
Secondly you are doing the right thing not to pay him. You are grieving for the child you didn't get to keep. Moving out is going to be the best thing for you. Don't look back. Xx

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 07/09/2025 23:11

@Cuppatealover He could move and then you'd pay him for the items, correct? Well, you have to move away from this abusive POS, so you owe him nothing. If he has bought the flat at the end of years, he can sell it and will make much more than he spent. You won't make anything from it so he can pound salt.

Also, if he wasn't an abusive, disrespectful, nasty-assed twat waffle, you might not have moved so soon.

Offer him a tissue for his issue, move out and reclaim your life.

DonnyBurrito · 07/09/2025 23:03

TheSaltedCaramelPath · 07/09/2025 22:55

OP you could give him a response something like this (adjust the figures as appropriate):
He wants you to pay half - £1500?
Tell him the life-cycle of the combined items is 5 years / so that’s £300 per annum / so £25 per month.
between March and Seltember, you have had 7 months use - so you could offer £175 and that’s the end of it.

He might not have an answer to that.

In reality the items more likely to last 10 years rather than 5….but adjust as you wish.

If she did that, it wouldn't be her paying the entire £25 per month, it would only be half. So 12.5 per month.

If he hadn't been horrible to her, that gesture of goodwill would be acceptable. But he has been horrible, so the goodwill is gone and she should walk away entirely.

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