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Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
OhBumBags · 07/09/2025 14:50

nomas · 07/09/2025 14:48

wtf. Can you leave her alone please? If you can’t offer helpful advice, find another thread.

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No, I'm fine where I am.

HTH.

I hope you've talked someone into being a guarantor for you OP?

Because you certainly won't be creditworthy?

Shewasafaireh · 07/09/2025 14:49

Paying him half makes no sense but maybe doing a rough calculation of “wear and tear” for those few months would be fair enough.

Yes, you won’t be keeping any of it, but you’ve been benefiting from it.

Cantbleedingcope · 07/09/2025 14:49

If you pay half you own half - that’s how it works.

So given the flooring is fixed and presumably the blinds are made to measure for the windows, the only removable objects are the the kitchen appliances

In which case I’d say yes I’ll pay half, but I take the kitchen appliances with me. Or if he wants to keep these which I am guessing he will, then he then pays you out for these by cancelling your debt

nomas · 07/09/2025 14:48

OhBumBags · 07/09/2025 14:46

Huge dripfeed aside, how can you rent your own place if you're in so much debt?

Did you see him as a ticket out of that?

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wtf. Can you leave her alone please? If you can’t offer helpful advice, find another thread.

Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 14:48

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Ilovepastafortea · 07/09/2025 14:48

Reading your recent post OP I'd tell him to do one. He's getting the benefit of all his improvements, you owe him nothing. Move out & move on.

OhBumBags · 07/09/2025 14:46

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 14:17

I juat haven't paid for the goods. I contribute monthly to all of our out goings.
I am having to move because of the mental headspace I am currently in.
Since the termination I have been called a moron, I'm rotten and a baby killing deadbeat. So despite him paying out for things I do feel it's best I leave and as soon as possible.
I mean three weeks from today. If I pay him back now and move in three weeks. I understand I've been in the house longer than that, which is what he's said. I've had "use" out of the goods. But he is keeping them and doesn't intend to move.

Edited
Show quote history

Huge dripfeed aside, how can you rent your own place if you're in so much debt?

Did you see him as a ticket out of that?

Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet · 07/09/2025 14:46

He had faith you would pay
You had faith he wasn't a cunt...
Offer up a direct debit when you move. Send him a fiver a week.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 14:46

daisychain01 · 07/09/2025 14:40

That sounds too polite but yes, he should do one, especially as @Cuppatealover lost their baby Flowers

how can he be so callous, you're making a lucky escape @Cuppatealover

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OP didn't lose her baby. She told us in her first post "I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby." So, any callousness on his part is due to disappointment at not becoming a father. That doesn't excuse him calling OP names, of course, but let's remember the facts as they've been presented to us by OP and not spin them.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/09/2025 14:45

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/09/2025 14:41

You've been there 6 months (ish). How much have you paid and what for?

You've paid half bills and half rent so that's fair enough. If there's anything you can use in next property perhaps buy/take that.

Anonymous23456 · 07/09/2025 14:44

I wouldn't pay for them. They are his appliances and his blinds in his house. He is keeping them, so he pays for them. If you were staying in the house, I would expect you to reimburse him in full. He doesbt get to keep everything and get paid for it. If he wants to give you the white goods to the equivalent of 1/2 then I'd pay him the half and take the stuff.

Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 14:43

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ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/09/2025 14:41

You've been there 6 months (ish). How much have you paid and what for?

DiscoBob · 07/09/2025 14:41

Don't pay him. You were only going to pay him back if you had long term use of the property.

He says he's in financial hardship because of it? Nonsense. The money has been spent and he's perfectly capable of earning more. If he took out a bunch of loans to pay for it and he can't afford to pay it back then that's his own problem.

Just leave and ignore his requests for payment. There's no paperwork saying there was a loan so legally he's not got a leg to stand on. Nor were there timeframes for when it should be paid back.

It's his house. He needs blinds and a floor to walk upon!

Unless you get a chainsaw out and take half of everything he's on about. That would be quite amusing.

daisychain01 · 07/09/2025 14:40

Linenpickle · 07/09/2025 13:16

Tell him to do one.

That sounds too polite but yes, he should do one, especially as @Cuppatealover lost their baby Flowers

how can he be so callous, you're making a lucky escape @Cuppatealover

Bigcat25 · 07/09/2025 14:39

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 14:10

So the property is a rental but on a rent to buy with the view to buying the property at the end of 5 years. There were no blinds, flooring or appliances in the house which is why they were purchased.
I am in a difficult financial situation paying debts back which is why I haven't yet contributed anything.
I've said to him if he wants to move then I'd find a way to pay for what he has in full as it would then be my house. Obviously I can't take half the floor and blinds as it stands. He will not move out which is why I've found my own rental.
I do understand where he is coming from as he has said well if you had already paid, would you be asking for half back. Well yes, I would as he is the one staying and benefiting from the products?!
It seems nonsensical to pay £1.5k for half this stuff only to move out 3 weeks later?!! Obviously I didnt plan for this to breakdown so badly and made a huge mistake but I am where I am.

Edited

In that case I wouldn't pay him back. He bought something in a property he'll own and keep the value for.

Sounds like he was probably a jerk to you as well.

Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 14:39

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Vaxtable · 07/09/2025 14:38

A simple question but do people actually read and understand posts?

no where does the op say she has been living rent and bill free. What she does say is that when she moved in her oartner did new blinds and floors and she was to pay half of those costs in due course

So why do people automatically assume op has paid for nothing?

the question being asked is about the floors and blinds, not anything else, and in this case I don’t think she owes anything as she can’t take it with her

anotherside · 07/09/2025 14:38

anotherside · 07/09/2025 14:34

A compromise might be fair. IE you pay 25-30% of the cost. I don’t think leaving him with the whole bill is fair. Alternatively you pay 75-80% but you stay in the house.

Just to expand, you paying half for something you’ll receive no benefit from is off, but so is walking away completely from something you committed to. I’d write to him and offer a reduced payment, stating the above. If he still digs his heels in then that then becomes his problem.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 14:36

Ilovepastafortea · 07/09/2025 14:32

I don't think that you taxiing him around can be considered part of the equation here. You did that because you were in a relationship with him & chose to do that rather than him getting public transport or a taxi. I don't think that you can retrospectively say 'but I drove you here and now I want that to be taken into consideration'.

I'm absolutely not saying that. Someone asked me if I drive him and I said yes I do. It isn't and has never been a problem. I would never equate that to this.

OP posts:
Sarah2891 · 07/09/2025 14:35

You agreed to pay, so yes you should pay IMO. Or at least some of it.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 14:35

I already feel like such a fucking failure in life the fact I'm in debt and yet another failed relationship. I desperately wish that it had worked out but it hasn't. I feel like I'm being made to feel (from him and now on here) that I'm a money grabbing scumbag who has taken everything from him when it isn't the case at all.
I've gone from being happy expecting a baby and moving in to a house with my partner, to having an abortion because it was the right thing to do, not bringing a baby into the world with constant arguments as a couple and my whole life crumbling.
I am going to be in a worse financial situation when/if I move. I'm not saying he is going to be absolutely flush because he isn't, but why would I pay for something I haven't got?!! He won't move and let me pay for it all. Because I've also offered that. I've said I will take out a bigger loan to give him the whole amount of money back for all the goods because they would obviously be mine. But he wants to stay.

OP posts:
Greyhound98 · 07/09/2025 14:35

I wouldn’t have told him I was moving and would have just left and blocked him.
Personally, I wouldn’t now inform him of the day you are going, just disappear with the cats when he’s out.

Ilovepastafortea · 07/09/2025 14:34

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 14:29

We fortunately didn't have a deposit to pay so there isn't any issue there.
I have offered a compromise of paying for the white goods but he wants to keep them so I am at a loss of what to do?!

So he wants the cash? I'd say get lost to that. You are not obliged to pay for goods that you won't have the benefit from.

anotherside · 07/09/2025 14:34

A compromise might be fair. IE you pay 25-30% of the cost. I don’t think leaving him with the whole bill is fair. Alternatively you pay 75-80% but you stay in the house.