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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
smallsilvercloud · 07/09/2025 15:17

Don’t pay as you no longer have use of them, the appliances are now in his ownership, he can sell them when needed. He can’t make you pay anything, even legally I doubt it.

Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 15:15

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Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 15:15

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Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:14

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:12

They are living in a 5-year term "Rent to Buy" property - it's not an ordinary AST in a private rental. What isn't clear - because OP hasn't answered this, despite my asking - is if only her STBX signed the agreement or if it's in their joint names? She also hasn't answered if she paid half the deposit.
ETA OP's just answered that they are joint tenants.

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Cuppatealover · Today 15:13

I HAVE answered about the deposit. There wasn't one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:13

I HAVE answered about the deposit. There wasn't one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:12

ItsNotYou852 · 07/09/2025 15:11

Back to the point of the thread .. have you tried saying you will pay a reasonable percentage £150 - £300 5 -10% and see if he will agree to that.
Seemd better to try and leave as amicably as possible rather than just reusing to pay anything.
Of course if he is determined to be difficult then you can't help it.

I have and he won't have it

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:12

Cherrysoup · 07/09/2025 15:08

Are you joint tenants? Because you are legally bound to the rental agreement unless the landlord releases you from the AST.

They are living in a 5-year term "Rent to Buy" property - it's not an ordinary AST in a private rental. What isn't clear - because OP hasn't answered this, despite my asking - is if only her STBX signed the agreement or if it's in their joint names? She also hasn't answered if she paid half the deposit.
ETA OP's just answered that they are joint tenants.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:11

Cherrysoup · 07/09/2025 15:08

Are you joint tenants? Because you are legally bound to the rental agreement unless the landlord releases you from the AST.

We are but they have said that if one persons leaves they will then do a financial assessment on the remaining tenant as to their affordability to stay in the property. So I can leave. We have looked in to it.

OP posts:
ItsNotYou852 · 07/09/2025 15:11

Back to the point of the thread .. have you tried saying you will pay a reasonable percentage £150 - £300 5 -10% and see if he will agree to that.
Seemd better to try and leave as amicably as possible rather than just reusing to pay anything.
Of course if he is determined to be difficult then you can't help it.

Lavenderandbrown · 07/09/2025 15:09

Op making your post at face value and not researching past “takeaways” post or trying to date your pregnancy at time of termination. You have made some very difficult decisions and i think you are in pain. Mourning the loss of the future you thought you were going to be living.

for those reasons I say just leave. It may be perceived as unfair or screwing him over or you are a female cocklodger but I think your future is very precarious due to recent events and this debt you have now. You cannot take on anymore debt. He will have to find a way to pay for the home improvements and you will have to find a way forward with your MH and finances slowly but surely improving.

Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 15:09

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Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 15:08

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Cherrysoup · 07/09/2025 15:08

Are you joint tenants? Because you are legally bound to the rental agreement unless the landlord releases you from the AST.

kittensinthekitchen · 07/09/2025 15:08

Oh my god, its so fucking infuriating when people don't READ THE FUCKING OPs POSTS!

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:08

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I absolutely didn't.
I was in a rental by myself for 6 years before moving in with him and as managing fine with the debts I had then. He knew about them all.

OP posts:
Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 15:07

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WiddlinDiddlin · 07/09/2025 15:07

I'd add up the value of the goods - see how they can be split and offer him half based on you then keeping your half of the goods.

So in terms of practicality - he keeps blinds and flooring and you get washing machine/fridge etc.

I think thats generous - personally, I'd calculate the average lifespan of each item, then what percentage of that lifespan I'd actually had use of them for, and then offer that.

OhBumBags · 07/09/2025 15:07

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:05

I have. And I don't need to be anything. I am trying to manage my finances and nagivage what has been a very turbulent year. I didn't ask for advice on my finances other than if I was unreasonable for not paying him back for things he is keeping. That's the crux of it.

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You shouldn't need to ask.

Anyone with common decency knows you don't promise to pay someone back and then decide not to.

Especially when they clearly trusted you.

You could've 'managed' your finances by taking the loan and paying your share at the time.

EasySqueezy · 07/09/2025 15:05

I wonder what his side of the story is.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:05

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What do you mean?

OP posts:
Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 15:05

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ItsNotYou852 · 07/09/2025 15:05

EasySqueezy · 07/09/2025 14:57

This.

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We are not in the USA, no woman should be judged for making that decision at any point in time!

OhBumBags · 07/09/2025 15:05

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It seems the OP thought her bread was already buttered living with him, and she didn't need to.

Now that's gone pear shaped, she needs to find a way to pay her own living expenses.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:05

OhBumBags · 07/09/2025 14:57

And have you sought professional advice on this?

You need to be creditworthy and the consolidation means you definitely won't be.

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I have. And I don't need to be anything. I am trying to manage my finances and nagivage what has been a very turbulent year. I didn't ask for advice on my finances other than if I was unreasonable for not paying him back for things he is keeping. That's the crux of it.

OP posts:
BessieSurtees · 07/09/2025 15:04

YABU and if this was a man doing this to you then all would be calling him a cock lodger.

You agreed to pay him half but in 8 months you haven't paid a penny and are now saying you have too much debt. Would he have spent that money if he had known this? Was he providing for what he thought was going to be his family?

No you can't take half a floor or half a freezer but no one can from any house rented or not. How much should you have repaid by now?

You've shafted him and now want to walk away with no responsibility. He wants to count his blessings he isn't in any deeper with you.

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