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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
nomas · 07/09/2025 15:50

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This thread isn’t about abortion. If you want to discuss that, start your own thread or find a pro-life reddit / incel.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:50

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PLEASE STOP WITH THIS. This is not what OP's thread is about.

Anyahyacinth · 07/09/2025 15:49

If you aren't retaining ownership why would you pay? As his cruel comments have ended the relationship seems like he revoked any agreement between you...unless you receive half the value of things that can be sold

Minnie798 · 07/09/2025 15:49

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:35

Adoption also a choice for a late stage pregnancy?

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A choice that op didn't make and she doesn't need to justify that to anyone.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:48

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PrizedPickledPopcorn · 07/09/2025 15:47

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:46

Good, so you are accepting that there's a possibility of him not staying there (because he doesn't pass the affordability check) and that this changes things. Unfortunately, because you've only mentioned the affordability check in a recent post, many responses are taking it as read that he will be staying in the house and using the flooring, blinds and white goods and so only he should be paying for them, but it's quite possible that he will also have to leave and not receive any future benefit from these items either. I'm glad to read that you would pay him half if he has to leave the property too.

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But he could have left and let OP stay! But he refused so it’s his problem. This was his choice.

dynamiccactus · 07/09/2025 15:47

If he's the one staying in the house, of course he pays for the things in that house if the OP is moving out!

I can't conceive of any situation where she should pay, unless, as a PP said, he was moving out too, so they needed to share the losses relating to that house. But why should the OP pay half of the fridge that she won't be using?

The only thing I'd say is that if there is something you can take with you, you pay for that in full, and that kind of balances out the fact that he is paying for things he is benefiting from.

The blinds and the white goods can be moved to a different house, so if he does move out you can work out who gets what. Or he keeps it all as he's already paid for it.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:46

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:29

They will only do the check after I leave which is why I suspect he's getting so stressed about me not paying half for everything incase he ends up having to leave. Of course in that scenario, none of us are benefitting from the goods purchased and I would be willing to then pay half based on the fact that the goods were for both of us. I would have to sort a payment plan out with him. But if he is staying then I reiterate my point of they are now his things to do as he pleases.

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Good, so you are accepting that there's a possibility of him not staying there (because he doesn't pass the affordability check) and that this changes things. Unfortunately, because you've only mentioned the affordability check in a recent post, many responses are taking it as read that he will be staying in the house and using the flooring, blinds and white goods and so only he should be paying for them, but it's quite possible that he will also have to leave and not receive any future benefit from these items either. I'm glad to read that you would pay him half if he has to leave the property too.

Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 15:46

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Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:44

Alondra · 07/09/2025 15:36

I haven't read the answers to the OP, but frankly sometimes I wonder how many men are answering posts, camouflaged as women. It's beyond shocking reading answers to women posters asking common sense advice.

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So do I. It's absolutely unbelievable how some women just don't support other women.
I'm not saying I'm an angel but would you really stay with someone and pay them back after they've emotionally abused you to the point where you've got an abortion for a baby you really wanted and thought it would work out?
It think some people are really missing the point of my post.

OP posts:
ItsNotYou852 · 07/09/2025 15:41

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/09/2025 15:37

Why hadnt you paid anything in eight months piror? You obviously wasnt going to ever pay so why agree?

Moved in end of March, was having an abortion in May. It pretty obviously went downhill very fast. Would you have started paying in those circumstances?

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:40

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:34

adoption was a choice too for a late stage pregnancy?

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Oh just fuck right off. I would never want to give my child up for adoption. My baby was very much wanted by me despite what you may think. Like I have said, I made the very difficult decision for a variety of reasons you know nothing about. This post was nothing to do with the baby so please get lost and go and do something else with your day.

OP posts:
nomas · 07/09/2025 15:39

Alondra · 07/09/2025 15:36

I haven't read the answers to the OP, but frankly sometimes I wonder how many men are answering posts, camouflaged as women. It's beyond shocking reading answers to women posters asking common sense advice.

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Agreed. Some of these posts seem to almost encourage to keep OP in a bad relationship, by telling her she can’t afford her own place and that they feel sorry for the man.

ScribblingPixie · 07/09/2025 15:39

No, don't pay. It's a difficult situation for both of you with some hardships involved, and that's just the way it is. The only way you should pay is if you take half of the value with you eg in appliances. If he wants to keep everything he'll have to pay for them.

Rallentanda · 07/09/2025 15:38

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:34

adoption was a choice too for a late stage pregnancy?

Show quote history

Give it a rest.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:38

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Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:38

Tweetytweet81 if you would like to speak to Karbon Housing association and ask them if it's true I'm sure they'd be obliged you absolute troll. Clueless.

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 07/09/2025 15:37

Why hadnt you paid anything in eight months piror? You obviously wasnt going to ever pay so why agree?

Alondra · 07/09/2025 15:36

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:28

OP, a heads up, some of the people posting here are being called out for their rude posts to OPs on their other threads. So I would take some of these responses with a pinch of salt.

I’m seeing a pattern of two or more posters come together like a pack against an OP.

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I haven't read the answers to the OP, but frankly sometimes I wonder how many men are answering posts, camouflaged as women. It's beyond shocking reading answers to women posters asking common sense advice.

ItsNotYou852 · 07/09/2025 15:36

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:35

Adoption also a choice for a late stage pregnancy?

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But NOT the choice OP made, that word choice, remember it?

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:35

ItsNotYou852 · 07/09/2025 15:29

Housing and child maintenance are NOT the only considerations in that choice.

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Adoption also a choice for a late stage pregnancy?

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:34

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:33

Ah yes Invigoron - just move in to a council property and claim maintenance from the baby's dad. It's that easy to solve all your woes from a broken relationship and raise a child. What an utterly ignorant response.

Edited
Show quote history

adoption was a choice too for a late stage pregnancy?

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:34

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:29

They will only do the check after I leave which is why I suspect he's getting so stressed about me not paying half for everything incase he ends up having to leave. Of course in that scenario, none of us are benefitting from the goods purchased and I would be willing to then pay half based on the fact that the goods were for both of us. I would have to sort a payment plan out with him. But if he is staying then I reiterate my point of they are now his things to do as he pleases.

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That’s more than fair! Stick to it.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:33

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:24

OP has given him the option to move out and leave the cost of the goods to her.

He can’t have his cake and eat it too.

He wants the white goods too (which can be moved) but doesn’t want to pay for them.

Show quote history

Ah yes Invigoron - just move in to a council property and claim maintenance from the baby's dad. It's that easy to solve all your woes from a broken relationship and raise a child. What an utterly ignorant response.

OP posts:
ItsNotYou852 · 07/09/2025 15:32

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So?
OP has already stated the she has shared the rent with ex. What is your problem?

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