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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
Rallentanda · 07/09/2025 16:06

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:04

I don’t want attention. I just asked a question and now getting blasted for it so just responding. I could similarly ask you why you can’t get attention any other way other than commenting on MN?

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You're off your head, pal. Get back to your mother's basement, get your PS5 out and leave real people with real problems the fuck alone.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 07/09/2025 16:05

IkeaJesusChrist · 07/09/2025 15:59

Why should he have to leave?

OP chose to have the abortion as is her right and I'm not surprised that the relationship broke down.

It sounds like OP would not have been in a position to buy the house in five years by herself.

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He chose to stay so he has to pay. He could choose to leave and let OP stay.

Alondra · 07/09/2025 16:05

Most women understand how tough is to leave an abusive relationship. You have the double whammy of being in an abusive relationship and aborting a pregnancy you didn't want to do.

The house issue is a different ball game. You paid blinds, floors and appliances. You've rented a place, leaving your ex to enjoy the blinds, floors and appliances you paid for in your former home. Don't even think about paying him back. He's enjoying a nicer looking home while you've moved out and renting.

Fuck him. Let him enjoy the blinds.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 16:04

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Reported - again! FGS give it a rest!

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:04

Rallentanda · 07/09/2025 16:00

What the fuck is your problem? Can't you get attention any other way?

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I don’t want attention. I just asked a question and now getting blasted for it so just responding. I could similarly ask you why you can’t get attention any other way other than commenting on MN?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 07/09/2025 16:04

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What a nasty piece of work you are. Take your opinions somewhere they are wanted.

You know nothing about the OP’s situation, or why she took the incredibly difficult decision to do the incredibly difficult thing she did, you just want to stick the boot in and kick her while she’s down! Well, FOTTFSOFAFOSM!

I hope you are banned for your inappropriate, unhelpful behaviour. You aren’t educating anyone, just demonstrating your own lack of empathy and ignorance.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 16:03

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 16:02

Thank you to those who have given constructive feedback. Fuck you to those who have just tore me a new one and made me feel even worse than I already do. But hey ho, you win some and loose some coming on the Internet.
I know what decision I will make and those who have been considerate have helped me see both sides.
I will not be paying him anything if he stays. If he ends up leaving through no fault of his own then I will pay him.
All I know is, I need to leave regardless.

Well done OP, measured response.

Pushmepullu · 07/09/2025 16:03

If OP had paid the half she had agreed to at the start then how would she have been able to take the flooring and the blinds with her? She should pay the half she agreed to for those items. Regarding the white goods, can OP make use of them or are you moving into a furnished place? If it’s the former then perhaps negotiate with him as to which items either of you get to keep.

outerspacepotato · 07/09/2025 16:03

IkeaJesusChrist · 07/09/2025 15:59

Why should he have to leave?

OP chose to have the abortion as is her right and I'm not surprised that the relationship broke down.

It sounds like OP would not have been in a position to buy the house in five years by herself.

Show quote history

He chose not to. That basically forced OP out at a physically trying time.

He can't force her to pay half for home improvements to a house that she isn't even living in. If he wants his money back, he should go for the slumlord who was selling a house with no flooring.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 16:02

Thank you to those who have given constructive feedback. Fuck you to those who have just tore me a new one and made me feel even worse than I already do. But hey ho, you win some and loose some coming on the Internet.
I know what decision I will make and those who have been considerate have helped me see both sides.
I will not be paying him anything if he stays. If he ends up leaving through no fault of his own then I will pay him.
All I know is, I need to leave regardless.

OP posts:
Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Go away! No one is interested in your thoughts! Can you not understand that?

Rallentanda · 07/09/2025 16:00

This reply has been deleted

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What the fuck is your problem? Can't you get attention any other way?

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:59

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IkeaJesusChrist · 07/09/2025 15:59

outerspacepotato · 07/09/2025 15:57

Your agreement to pay half was contingent on living there and getting full use. You're moving because he refused to leave, in essence, forcing you out. So he gets to pay.

If he has to leave because of affordability, could he possibly file a lien against the owner for the cost of his improvements?

Why should he have to leave?

OP chose to have the abortion as is her right and I'm not surprised that the relationship broke down.

It sounds like OP would not have been in a position to buy the house in five years by herself.

Noelshighflyingturds · 07/09/2025 15:59

SquirrelRed · 07/09/2025 13:26

I definitely wouldn't be paying if I were you, but just to play devil's advocate, if you had paid half at the time would you be asking for that money back? Probably not I guess?
Can you afford to give him a small amount to keep the peace if that's what you're looking to do.

Why should she “keep the peace” she’ll never see this person again

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:59

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

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But you didn't just "question" it, did you? You wrote a nasty, judgmental comment about a decision OP took almost four months ago, so it's a moot point anyway.
Please stick to the point of the thread.

ETA I'm glad to see MN have deleted your post after I reported it.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:57

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:56

You’re not though, are you? You’re shaming and guilt tripping OP for her decision.

And guilt tripping women into having babies is linked to incel culture.

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Absolutely!

outerspacepotato · 07/09/2025 15:57

Your agreement to pay half was contingent on living there and getting full use. You're moving because he refused to leave, in essence, forcing you out. So he gets to pay.

If he has to leave because of affordability, could he possibly file a lien against the owner for the cost of his improvements?

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:56

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

Show quote history

You’re not though, are you? You’re shaming and guilt tripping OP for her decision.

And guilt tripping women into having babies is linked to incel culture.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:56

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

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Why are you questioning another woman’s choice to terminate her pregnancy?

IkeaJesusChrist · 07/09/2025 15:56

I wouldn't pay half but I also wouldn't pay nothing.

OP's life is already a train wreck so no point in piling on or questioning why she didn't do anything about her debt six months ago.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:55

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

Show quote history

Well fuck off and start a thread about it and get off this one!

She terminated, as was her choice, not yours, not anyone elses! Hers!!

Minnie798 · 07/09/2025 15:53

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Exactly that. Op decided not to have her baby, so no one else can because she chose to have an abortion. That's how abortion works. It's not even what op was asking advice about.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:50

This thread isn’t about abortion. If you want to discuss that, start your own thread or find a pro-life reddit / incel.

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I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That is not what this thread is about!

FGS keep your judgement on relevant posts!

Swipe left for the next trending thread