For not paying half when I'm leaving.

This right here:

"having an abortion because it was the right thing to do, not bringing a baby into the world with constant arguments as a couple and my whole life crumbling.", is not a "right thing to do" justification for having an abortion.

He definitely wouldn’t win, it was not just “upgrades” they were essential furnishings for the flat that he would have had to get whether she was living with him or not.

OP also offered to pay if she could take some of the white goods and he vetoed that.

He wants her to pay half and not get any further use of any of it. No small claims in the country would uphold that.

Don’t forget since he said he won’t move out they both agreed she should leave.

So the terms of the original contract are now fundamentally different since she is no longer able to enjoy the things he bought .

Small claims would give him a tiny amount if anything.

You ARE being unreasonable.

Sorry to say, he can probably sue you and win. You two agreed to the upgrades when you were happy, you made a contract that if he paid, you would pay him back. Just because things have gone badly since then doesn't mean the contract disappears. It sucks, but if you don't want to get sued you should work something out.

Put your offers - to buy him out, or to pay your half but to take away X & Y in writing. Send it to him so you have a written record of your quite reasonable offers in case he takes you to small claims court.

Then crack on with moving out.

Don't be so disingenuous. Your posts have been nasty and ugly and nothing but trying to make the OP feel bad.
But, keep trying to make yourself a victim in this. It's amusing as hell.

Surely the point is that the ex is refusing to enter into any form of logical fair negotiation with the OP. He's clearly punishing the OP for her decision re the unborn child and will be doing everything possible to be a thorn in her side

If only it were as simple as the OP and the ex sitting down and having a discussion, this thread would probably not have been needed.

Oh my, calling people nasty and ugly - be careful you don’t get reported now!
For the record I didn’t say anything nasty or ugly. I just responded to an AIBU in the relevant context which OP provided.

That last post was to @CrumbsInMyBra

Once again, he has stated he will NOT let her take any of the white goods.

He wants her to walk away with nothing but pay half of what he paid (£1500 would be her share) for everything he will continue to use after she leaves. So why are you putting that across as a suggestion?

And where did you get £750 from?

If two friends moved into in a rent to buy in the expectation they were going to live together for the foreseeable future. And friend A paid upfront for necessary furnishings and then the friendship broke down and person A insisted on staying in the house and asking friend B who is leaving with nothing to pay for half I’d be saying the same!

The most friend B should be paying is a very small amount for 8 months use of the stuff friend A will get to use indefinitely. Definitely not half - or a quarter.

I can almost guarantee a lot of posters have taken the stance they have taken because this is related to a relationship breakdown with a man. Had this been between 2 girlfriends or mere acquaintance tenants with a similar fallout between them, the responses would likely be a wholeee lot different.

Just adding my 2 cents (which is neither here nor there really at this point), couples should avoid enmeshing their lives together in this way when not married because someone always loses and there isn’t really any court you can go to help untangle all of this. OP should try and pay what she can reasonably pay towards whatever renovations were done (sounds like her share was approx. £750) and then agree with ex that she takes fridge, washing machine etc.

Read the thread. I know. 🙄

No, only the nasty and ugly gets reported. You don't have a "different opinion", you have a distinct "different agenda". Other posters are calling it out and making sure it doesn't take focus off the point of the thread.

Feel free to pound salt.

No one is blaming her for leaving though ?

Please don't feel obliged to pay him anything. You have been more than reasonable in offering to stay and let him leave. That is all you needed to do to show you are being fair.

It sounds like you have had a tough time and are going to struggle financially for a while paying back all the debt. Look after yourself first and ignore all the ignorant comments.

Still loling at the outraged nasty small menz... 😂

We don’t know what he did.

Was the relationship abusive (I can’t see anything about the actual relationship). I know he called you nasty names because you had an abortion but was that his usual manner towards you or an isolated reaction to the abortion? What was the relationship like on a day to day basis, what turned it from happily moving in together to I have to get out of here? I think a bit of context on the actual relationship would help.

@CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone

OP has clearly stated he isn’t giving her anything so what now?

I struggle with posts like this. There’s no point saying she is entitled to X so should pay X when this verbally abusive man has stated he won’t hand X over. She will walk away with nothing.

Should she pay him money then spend months wrangling with him over white goods?

And btw he has also rejected her offer at a lower amount to reflect she has had use of the stuff for 8 months. Have you read her posts?

The commitment was made on the understanding he would be a decent partner and they would live harmoniously together for a number of years. There has been a massive change in circumstances since then.

I live in a rent to buy, it’s my third year there and if someone had lived with me then moved out after 8 months with nothing,no way would I expect money for everything I know I was going to get to enjoy for years!

I have just RTFT and wow Kudos to @nomas @AnnoyedAsAllHeck @Falseknock and some others who have been correcting some utter stupidity and cruelty on this thread.

Why should Op pay half when he is refusing to give her the white goods AND he is refusing to move to? If he thinks it such a bad deal to stay in the house and foot the bill off all the furnishings why doesn’t he take her up on her offer and move out instead?

For those banging on about the agreement, OP clearly agreed on the understanding that they’d be living together for several years. Obviously after a few months she realised otherwise, hence she didn’t pay anything and is now moving out.

It appears this man is emotionally abusive to OP and just like many men - instead of figuring out where he went wrong that OP no longer felt safe to have a baby with him, he is now escalating his poor behaviour and acting like he’s the victim despite his contribution to her decision.

It’s all very well for men to insist women carry their babies but where is their responsibility? He hadn’t married her (thankfully for OP) he hasn’t proven himself a worthy partner in Ops eyes and he’s clearly capable of being verbally abusive.

We all know the stats, women are left carrying the baby in more ways than one in the vast majority of situations where relationships break down. Or even if they remain in the relationships, they are still the ones doing the bulk of childcare etc

I lean more pro-life in my own choices, but OPs body and life was going to be the one impacted the most. So excuse me if I don’t have much sympathy for a man who appeared to do the classic thing of treating his partner worse once she moved in/got pregnant and then suffered consequences.

No small claims court would award him half considering he is insisting he benefits solely from everything. I’d be surprised if they awarded him anything at all if he doesn’t move out.

As an FYI to those confused about the fact this situation even arose, I am in a rent to buy HA flat too and yes it’s normal to pay no deposit and in exchange for that and the lower rent you’ll be paying, to be expected to furnish it.

I had no flooring in both bedrooms and no washing machine or blinds/curtains. I did have flooring in other rooms and a fridge/feeezer and oven.

Each HA is different but my point is to say there’s nothing unusual about this situation for a rent to buy.

You should pay half, but you are also entitled to almost half the realisable assets (e.g. removals items such as fridges or blinds).

Since you've enjoyed the use of those assets jointly for 6/9 months then there should.be an accounting for that based on, say, a 3 year lifespan.

Don't wheedle out of commitments made in good faith when you thought you loved each other. That's a really dick move and says bad things about one's honesty and character.

@AngelicKatyread the thread there was no deposit paid

You should pay half and take half of everything you can, appliances, even blinds - you can either use or sell them. Please don’t shell out any money on fixtures and fittings in a rental again - the maximum you should do is paint any awful walls, though the landlord needs to agree and will likely cover the cost of the paint.

Talk about being a sucker for punishment

From the outset and throughout the thread you have never ever not even for a second wavered from thinning you are 100% reasonable.

Why start an AIBU and spend your Sunday arguing with strangers about it

And half of the appliances, or all of them, to cover the flooring she must leave behind. It needs to be fair, after all. Maybe she could "sell" her half back to him at a nice little "markup"?

*Yes, I am that petty when some dud, who has made another's life miserable with their demeaning insults and nastiness, deserves a comeuppance. I'd show up with a box cutter, tile pry bar and a trailer, willing and ready to take my half of everything.