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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my friend, now a sex worker with a married sugar daddy, has gone too far?

259 replies

BFFofTheMainCharacter · 07/09/2025 10:38

Friend of 20 years has reinvented herself as a sex worker with a married sugar daddy, and is now unbearable to be around.

I’ve been friends with this woman for nearly 20 years. When we first met, she was perfectly normal, a fitness instructor, sociable, fun, always single but seemed happy enough. She had a bit of a dramatic streak but nothing unmanageable.

Then covid hit, and honestly, it was like she unravelled. Because of lockdown rules, she got into this weird pattern of dragging men off Tinder and moving them in straight away. One guy in particular was really unstable, he ended up falsely reporting her to the police for drugging, kidnapping and raping him. Obviously it was nonsense and no charges were brought, but it was a huge drama.

After that, she torched her old life. Quit her job, cut everyone off, went to live “off grid” in the woods in a bell tent. She lasted a few months playing at being some wild free spirit, then got bored and moved back to London. That’s when she got into webcamming and eventually full-on escorting.

Now she has one main “client”, a finance guy who pays for her to live in a £3.5k a month flat in a very boujee part of London. On top of that, he’s given her a credit card with a £100k limit. The catch is that he is married with two small pre-school kids. She thinks this is hilarious. She literally laughs about how clueless the wife must be and brags about how she is the “main character” while the wife is just boring background NPC.

The narcissism is off the charts now. Everything has to revolve around her. She swans around talking about her “main character energy” like it is a personality trait. She sneers at my life. I’m married, have kids, and a career. She constantly rolls her eyes and says things like “ugh, there’s more to life than nappies and pets” or “I could never settle for a 9-5 like you, I deserve more.” I actually have a fairly successful career, but to her anything that isn’t men bankrolling her and her “shopping and beauty” lifestyle is laughable.

What makes it worse is that nearly all her other friends have quietly disappeared too. She insists it is because they are jealous of her “main character energy” and her new lifestyle. She cannot see that it is actually embarrassing to be around her when she is like this. It is exhausting and cringeworthy, not enviable.

We went on holiday recently and it was unbearable. She insisted on the “best” seat everywhere because “I need to be seen.” She tried to boss me around, telling me what we were going to do, and expected me to run around after her because, in her words, “I always do whatever I want.” When we met some guys and they asked what she does for a living, she smirked and said: “I live… I shop… I keep myself beautiful. That’s what I do.” She genuinely believes this is an accomplishment. She obviously didn't share with them she is a sex worker.

We were only away for three days, and she spent two of them literally in bed, sleeping, then sulking when I refused to sit around the apartment with her. I went off and did my own thing because I couldn’t bear wasting my holiday.

I’ve bent over backwards to be understanding of her choices, even when I don’t agree with them. I’ve never judged her for the sex work, or for reinventing herself every five minutes. But she offers me no grace back. She judges, sneers, mocks, and now actively gloats about being a married man’s mistress while living off his £100k credit card. I honestly feel sorry for his wife and kids.

After 20 years of friendship, I don’t recognise her anymore. She is smug, selfish, and exhausting.

AIBU to think this friendship has run its course and I should just walk away?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/09/2025 12:29

soupyspoon · 07/09/2025 11:59

Sex worker isnt a euphemism, its what it says on the tin

Additionally, not sure why there is (and its not just this thread or even just this forum) such a reluctance to judge

I judge someone like this, her clients, the people involved. Its not appropriate is it.

Provide sexual services yes, not a problem. But laugh about the wife at home, sneer at others for their lifestyles, manipulate and abuse clients (who dont choose to be). Not on

You're hardly a sex worker if you're trafficked

You're forced into prostitution

Why do people try to legitimise this?

Clarinet1 · 07/09/2025 12:27

Well I figured me her lifestyle as distasteful as most people on here but what it boils down to is she doesn’t think much of you and you don’t think much of her so why keep up the friendship?

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 07/09/2025 12:27

OP - are you temped to tell the wife?

SomeLikeitSnot · 07/09/2025 12:26

Ditch her she sounds horrendous- sex work I could accept from a good kind friend that wouldn’t bother me but her ‘main character energy’ would kill me!

YourLemonGuide · 07/09/2025 12:25

Time to say goodbye... let it go.

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2025 12:24

Spidey66 · 07/09/2025 11:56

No the terminology is sex worker.

Show quote history

Whose terminology?

ShiftingSand · 07/09/2025 12:23

Onthebusses · 07/09/2025 11:05

Poor thing. That's all going to come crashing down. She's putting herself in grave danger also. Someone with that kind of money has power. She does the wrong thing and he wants rid of her and doesn't want her around to answer questions, what then?

Focus on your real friendships because this lady is cooked. It won't end well for her.

This. She thinks she has all the power and “main character energy” but if he pulls the plug she’s left with nothing.

Dippythedino · 07/09/2025 12:22

I'd be very tempted to cut her income source by reporting her client to his employers. The finance world are hot on stamping down on anything that brings their firm in to disrepute. An anonymous letter to HR with facts on his sex worker addiction habit, flat & £100k credit card which could be a work card. Who knows, but for the way she's treating his family, I'd have no qualms about blowing up her life for her.

Original poster
BFFofTheMainCharacter · 07/09/2025 12:21

dogcatkitten · 07/09/2025 12:16

Is it sex work or is she just having an affair with a rich man who looks after her? Are there other men as well?

Both. The main fiance guy paid for her rent for 2 years upfront in a flat somewhere in London (think Mayfair but not). He also pays for most of her lifestyle via his 100k limit Amex. He works half the time in London and half the time where his family live. He stays with her when in London and takes her on business trips. When he is with his family she sees other clients for sex work. This is mainly for drugs and stuff she can't charge to the Aemx as the finance guy doesn’t know about the drugs and she can't buy drugs on his Amex (as far as I am aware unless drug dealers take Amex these days).

OP posts:
Sevenamcoffee · 07/09/2025 12:19

Some men do have older woman fetishes as well you know

Homegrownberries · 07/09/2025 12:19

You could silently fade away or you could stand up to her when she sneers at your life. The result will be the same either way.

SapphireSeptember · 07/09/2025 12:18

HoskinsChoice · 07/09/2025 11:39

It's interesting that you define her as a 'sex worker'. If she lived in his house, didn't work but had a life entirely funded by a man she'd be a 'housewife' or a 'stay at home mum'.

@Winter2020 Same, and I like tea! I'm a skint single mum and I could never do it. I remember a poster on here saying she had the choice between prostitution and homelessness and chose the latter.

Oh bollocks. Housewives look after the home, stay at home mums look after their children. If they were housekeepers or nannies they'd be paid a wage. I know women's unpaid labour is undervalued but comparing it to prostitution is ridiculous.

Original poster
BFFofTheMainCharacter · 07/09/2025 12:17

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 07/09/2025 12:11

Of course it has your values and lifestyle sound completely incompatible

She sounds like she is doing a lot of trying to convince herself of her own choices by putting other down and ridiculing them.

Imagine finding out your husband was playing sugar daddy to someone - which will likely be a thread on here in the coming months

She has even showed me the poor woman's social media and been laughing at her appearance and stuff. The wife looks very beautiful actually, not that she would deserve this treatment if she wasn't beautiful obviously, but I can't fathom why he is cheating and why my friend is so horrible about her. Maybe she is jealous of her? I wish I didn't know any of this now tbh. I am going to just silently fade away from the whole situation.

OP posts:
Homegrownberries · 07/09/2025 12:17

Anyone who sneers at your life isn't a friend. The friendship is over already. Let it go.

dogcatkitten · 07/09/2025 12:16

Is it sex work or is she just having an affair with a rich man who looks after her? Are there other men as well?

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 12:13

I couldn't be friends with a woman who laughs at this man's wife and kids. She has no morals.

Didimum · 07/09/2025 12:13

It’s a sad way to end a friendship, OP, and 20yrs is hard to let go of, but it doesn’t sound as if the friendship is mutually beneficial.

pinkpony88 · 07/09/2025 12:12

The crux of the problem is that you have respected her and her life choices but she does not respect you or yours. She’s not a friend.

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 07/09/2025 12:11

Of course it has your values and lifestyle sound completely incompatible

She sounds like she is doing a lot of trying to convince herself of her own choices by putting other down and ridiculing them.

Imagine finding out your husband was playing sugar daddy to someone - which will likely be a thread on here in the coming months

Original poster
BFFofTheMainCharacter · 07/09/2025 12:11

Beachtastic · 07/09/2025 12:10

I know. Watching with interest 😜

Show quote history

She is 47

OP posts:
Beachtastic · 07/09/2025 12:10

Puppalicious · 07/09/2025 10:45

What age is she if you’ve known her 20 years and she has a sugar daddy? I always thought that was a young woman’s gig!

I know. Watching with interest 😜

Original poster
BFFofTheMainCharacter · 07/09/2025 12:09

IDontHateRainbows · 07/09/2025 12:05

Not saying it could never happen but im astonished that a 38yo man would give a 50 yo woman the full rent on a London flat and a 100k credit card, sounds a bit like a creative writing exercise if you ask me.

Maybe I should turn it into a book. It really is real, but I totally see on paper why it sounds fabricated. She does look very good for her age. She doesn't look anywhere near 50. She lies about her age on her adult work account and nobody seems to question it. So these guys don't know her real age.

OP posts:
Original poster
BFFofTheMainCharacter · 07/09/2025 12:07

WonderingWanda · 07/09/2025 12:03

I'm not sure how you haven't managed to tell her to fuck off already. So many nasty elements to her not least her disregard for the wife of this man and her scathing comments belittling your choices. Both of those things would instantly have me walking away.

Edited

There have been times in my life recently like when my dad got cancer and she was so rude and uninterested in it that I did go low contact for a while but would then think of all the past and not want to throw it all away. I think I generally in life do let people walk all over me and this is probably why she is friends with me because I let her. But I think it has all got too much now and I need to walk away. At least when we were younger it was fun, now it is just not.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 07/09/2025 12:06

soupyspoon · 07/09/2025 12:00

A sex worker. Thats the name of it.

Show quote history

I'd say that "sex worker" is used as a much wider term than "prostitute". It's not the case here, it seems, but it's deeply problematic when the former is used for women who have been trafficked.

PitterPatterRattle · 07/09/2025 12:06

Oh dear. This sounds like an awful, terrible, fragile, humiliating position your friend has got herself into.

It sounds like you have tried to stay friends with her but honestly just phase her out and get on with your own life. I've done it with a few previously good friends when they started to show horrible behaviour or make my life worse in any way.

I too am surprised at a younger man paying a woman in her fifties for sex services. I guess if she does all that then she probably is quite 'unique'. I didn't even know there was such a thing as 'fisting' in the butt area.

Like others have said i wouldn't do any of these things for all the money in the world. My dignity and self respect are not for sale.

It does sound like she might be high on drugs alot of the time and god help her when it all comes crashing down cos no way can she keep that up forever.

I suspect she will be found dead from an overdose or suicide before she reaches proper old age.

If people are self destructing and refuse help then you have to just let them get on with it and get out of the way of the blast.

It makes me so sad/horrified that women let men do this to them and it makes me quite frightened to realise that under the cloak of civil society lots of men are just animals.

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