AIBU re way we manage the household and spend our time ?

There really isn’t a hierarchy of worthy and unworthy activities. Sitting on the sofa is not inherently worse than going for a walk (as long as you are getting sufficient exercise overall). The man likes to stay home, that’s just how it is. Personally I wouldn’t date him because it would drive me mad but that wouldn’t make him wrong and me right, that would make us incompatible

You are either incompatible generally or your different working situations are creating an incompatibility. Can you get a job which is more office based if you want to be out more? I’d go mad if I was you.

Just because it’s “bollocks” to you doesn’t meant it’s the same for everyone else.

Some people recharge by doing very little on their own, others recharge by doing things and being around people - neither is right or wrong, just different.

The problem here is OP is home by herself all week and desperate to get out of the house on a Saturday whereas her partner is out all week and just wants to relax. Personally I couldn’t be with someone who needed to be out and doing stuff with me every weekend - I need that downtime so I don’t burn out.

Everyone is different, some people love a day on the sofa as their downtime, other people prefer being out & out, some people are a mix of both- none of those people are wrong, but if two mix together then they’re incompatible and that’s where issues crop up like this.

Oh come on - i commuted in and out of London for YEARS, and dramatic bollocks about "people-filled journeys " and "needing downtime " are just that- bollocks. Unfortunately being an adult in an adult relationship means you have to give and take a bit. You really cant spend a whole day playing computer games and "relaxing ".

Go back to the office full time, commute , deal with people all day , then see if you too fancy a day to do nothing !

You seem very judgmental of him and not particularly understanding - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend the day at home watching TV and unwinding, especially after a stressful week commuting to and from London.

If you don’t want to join him then make your own plans - see your friends, start a hobby, or even go to the office more yourself in the week so you’re not so reliant on him for human interaction at the weekends.

You talk about balance but seem to be ignoring the fact that he’s out all day during the week and battling with public transport and other people - so his balance is being at home.

You seem to have married a teenage boy. Grim. I’m leave. I couldn’t respect anyone who lived like this. Computer games in their 30s???

But he’s been doing a peoole-filled commute to a presumably peoole-filled office all week. On Saturday he just doesn’t want to see anyone or do anything. It’s not unreasonable, it’s just incompatible with someone who’s been alone all week and want to do stuff.

I’m not autistic and find I need one weekend day after a busy week at work to relax and chill. Life can be exhausting sometimes.

I don't think you need to be autistic to need a quiet day after commuting into London all week. The commute alone is very "peopley" and then if you're "on" all day at work... it's long days and a massive proportion of your entire waking hours all week.

I agree the issue is you have different experiences in your weeks so you need different things from your leisure time.

I wonder if you could look into a walking club during the week or something.

The issue seems to be that you're home alone all day with no human company, whereas your DH is out all day in a busy city and needs some quiet time.

Can you work from the office more, or arrange to do something social after work with friends?

What's the point in this? What are you working towards? What do you want from life? How does he fit into that?

Also OP dont feel bad for having a social life. I actively push my DH to go out with his friends as I am just a lot less sociable. I enjoy it, but find it draining, sorry if that sounds rude to my friends who I love dearly

Is he perhaps autistic so needs some down time. I am and although I love my friends and know it's healthy to have them at times I find company exhausting. I get how you feel though. Rejected etc would he be open to a chat.

That’s what I was wondering as well. I’m not that clear on why you couldn’t go out OP? Was he stopping you? In which case YANBU but if he just didn’t want to then it’s different. I work more than full time hours with a commute on top and I like a day at the weekend where I don’t have to do anything or I’m then exhausted before I’ve even started the next week. That day is not lazy, it’s necessary.

Because he works in London, it makes sense that he likes to have one day where he can just stay in and rest. And because you work from home, it makes sense that you felt restless and wanted to get out of the house for a bit too.

agree

What's the context of his commute & job?

I'm confused, he said no to the walk as in you couldn't go? Or you are upset he didn't want to come with you? Because he works in London, it makes sense that he likes to have one day where he can just stay in and rest. And because you work from home, it makes sense that you felt restless and wanted to get out of the house for a bit too.

Houses still need to be cleaned and maintained if there is “just” two people there.

I’m the same OP. It feels endless sometimes days (just me and DH)

DH equally rigid but has a different schedule- shopping, running, market, football. All to a schedule is so bloody boring. He will “help” when he has time.

although he does daily dog walks, food shop and most meals.