How do I extra care my family from a 'friend' is clearly interested in my husband

I think its weird the OP hasn't talked to her husband about it.

I would talk to your husband about how you are going to deal with it as a team. Tell him every time she messages him privately he needs to add you to the group and then reply ( in a discouraging way ' sorry I don't feel comfortable/ I don't want to/ I don't think that's appropriate. Every.single.time. She will soon get the hint.

That's the point!!

Fight fire with fire!

This female friend is bloody unhinged trying to make a move on a friend's husband in their family home!! WTAF??

I'd wipe the bloody floor with her!

Do you think your DH is intrested ,or is he oblivious to it ?

Did your dh respond to her message?
Talk to dh about it and see if she has made any other advances towards him
Stop having her over and cut her off as much as you can, she's not your friend

Urgh. Tell your husband he’s being a knob, it stops today.

She sounds like a wee dirt. Warn your other friends.

I’ve had lifelong friends, I’ve never imposed a stay over or texted a husband to meet up.

Tell your H that you know what she’s doing, that it’s upsetting you and that she has form for this. I will say many men start off by going along with it as they ‘don’t want to appear unfriendly and also don’t like being told who they can/cant be friends with’ - problem is some are dim enough not to get the underlying subtext and it escalates and by then they are getting a buzz from it . I would also not be inviting her over or being particularly close and I would suggest to yourOP that he grows a backbone if he values your marriage

So you invited her over, she wanted to stay, you said no, she talked to your husband (why did you not join in, what were you doing?) and then asked if he wanted to join her the next day? I can see why she is messaging him over you because you do seem prickly, but if you don't trust your husband then agree with others, that's the real worry here.

I was given the cold shoulder once by a friend (well, she actually caused a huge scene accusing me of trying to steal her husband) because he asked if I needed my bike tyres pumped up on my birthday because I was meant to be doing a bike ride with my dd. She was meant to be my friend and I assumed he had run it by her first. He had not. Somehow she got the idea I fancied her obese, smelly and Brexit supporting husband who had been recently fired for sexting a student...yeahhhhhh, no. That was on him. She is still with him and paranoid as fuck.

Don't be that woman.

This woman is not your friend. Talk to your H and tell him that this woman is interested in him and he needs to decide if his ego being stroked by this woman is more important than his marriage.

Saying “no we are busy all evening and night” would have been a perfectly acceptable response. You don’t need to compromise. That’s like me asking you for your life savings and you not wanting to hand them over, so you give me your annual salary instead. Just say no.

Since your H is the focus of all this, the shut down needs to come from him. Talk to him and decide on a plan together.

Its up to your husband to handle this himself, he os not a possession, if he is not interested why do you need to do anything?

I think if your DH is on board with it, the quickest way to give her the message is for You to reply to the messages she sends to DH’s phone.

Her: Hi Pete, I’m at x if you want to meet up

You: Hi, this OP, we’re checking out the other stands at the moment.

Or just get DH to block her on his phone. The question is whether DH will recognise it as a potential issue or just think she is ‘being friendly’.

If it looks like 💩 and smells like 💩 - it's 💩.

Trust your instincts. She is after him.

Share your concerns with him, openly and honestly, and observe his reaction. Not what he says, but how he looks, sounds and behaves.

There are three possibilities.

He's oblivious and astonished.

He knows and it's entirely one-sided, in which case it shouldn't be too hard to arrange things so she is no longer hanging round. Explain that it's a relationship essential.

But it may not be one-sided, in which case prepare to learn things about your husband.

Knowing the truth is best.

Why isn’t your husband getting rid of her and ignoring her? She’s likely to be acting this way because she thinks he is being receptive.

There is a thread from a few days ago where so many posters commented on how unusual it was, even after decades of friendship, to have the partner or husband of their friend’s phone number. She is messaging him because he is reading this and probably replying.

Make yourself obvious. If you see her chatting to your husband alone, insert yourself into the conversation. Make your presence felt.

Suggest a group what's app with the 3 of you. Absolutely no need she be messaging your dh and not include you imo.

You said you had her to dinner “last night” then said “the next day we were all at an event”. Hmmmm…doesn’t really make sense.

Don’t do this. It’s unhinged.

You've got a DH problem more than a friend problem.

Deal with that aspect first to make sure he knows where you stand and what you won't put up with.

Then you can move to phasing her out of your life.

He didn’t give her hints that it was late. He could have but didn’t. The conversation was between them. You appear not to have been included.
He hasn’t told you she messaged him inviting him to join her. You weren’t included.
He hasn’t blocked her messaging him.
He knows the potential risk to your marriage as much as you do.
You seem to be the only one in the marriage pushing her away.
Speak to him about your concerns.

Yes I feel most commenters have already mentioned everything I'd like to recommend
God Bless You
Surely your husband can see this acquaintance is being out of order
Some men don't see it, or pretend they don't because they secretly love the attention
But it's completely unjust & unfair on you
I'm sure he wouldn't like it, if the roles were reversed & a male acquaintance was behaving in such an overly flirtatious manner with you
Maybe you need to ask him to put himself in your shoes & honestly ask himself, how he'd feel & what would he sincerely expect you to do about it!?
Really wish the utmost very best outcomes for you
You deserve to be respected & took seriously 💚🙏