To think DH should share his windfall

Well, if it's his 'fun money', what's the agreement the two of you have? It sounds to me like you each have a set amount that you can do whatever you want with and if you lose it, no harm no foul. But similarly if that money grows into something more, I'd say that's still his money.

It's up to him if he wants to share, but I'd also think it was a symptom of something seriously wrong if my life partner did not want to share a windfall with me.

It also depends on a number of other factors: how big the windfall is, whether up till now he's been stinting himself on things he wants out of respect for your joint finances, whatever previous agreements you made regarding finances, and so on. You said he is paying off the mortgage a little bit, so he's not completing ignoring his family responsibilities.

You can have a separate account but still share all the outgoings and windfalls equally.

Definitely depends on the amount and circumstances. In effect he's saved his money and it's grown. You've spent your money so have had other benefits from it.

Although it's a bit off if the way you share out money means that he gets to spend well on his own luxuries while you still have a substantial mortgage or a thousand other household things that need paying for. Or all your money goes on house/DC so you don't have as much to spend/save.

But if you do have equal money and there's enough money for house/DC needs that means those things could be paid for if necessary, then it's up to him what he does with his investment.

We split our money in similar ways and DP is a spender and I'm a saver. We have equal spending money, he just spends all his, I buy everything I want, but it just costs a lot less and I've just put the leftover in a S&S ISA. We've been doing this for about 20 years and now I have over £50k that he doesn't know about, just because I spend a couple of hundred quid less than him each month on 'stuff'.

If you don't share money, and this was his "fun money" then surely it's still his.
I don't get why people don't share money.

What crypto was it? Sorry for being so nosey.

Maybe you should have invested your fun money into the crypto as well, then you could have decided how to spend your windfall? Would you be covering half the losses if the cyrpto had went down significantly?

It's impossible to judge without knowing the amounts, and what the amounts might mean to the family.

Come on, spill the beans!!

Just thank DH for making the extra payments that he has already paid into the mortgage. Tell him he was generous because he was.
You could ask him for some tips as to where you could spend your fun money.

DH and I always share bonus money - gifts, extra earnings, windfalls etc. Not necessarily 50:50, the recipient might have a bigger purchase they want to use it for but we also buy gifts for the other, go for a meal out, put towards holiday etc. We find it more enjoyable indulging ourselves when that's shared.

It sounds very self serving, I get the idea of having your own money, but if either of us came into money in this way we’d want to treat the other or invest some of it in a way that benefits both.. it seems selfish to not offer.

for all the people saying it’s his investment and his money, if OP bought a lottery ticket with her fun money and won a large amount, would you think it was right that she kept it all to herself and didn’t offer to share?

But the mortgage isn’t unpaid and he has even overpaid some of it. So she is already benefiting from his shrewd investment. Has she ever overpaid the mortgage from her ‘fun’ money?

Completely depends on the amount.

If it is just a few hundred I understand that he would just want to do something fun.

If it is a larger sum that would make a real difference to the family finances then yes it should be used more practically.

In principle, no. It was his "fun" money, he chose to use it to invest in cryptocurrency, the investment paid off, the profits are his. I'm sure you'd take a dim view if he'd lost money on a "fun" hobby and wanted you to sacrifice your personal spending money to help him pay the debt.

In practice, probably yes. If it's a large amount, and you're married and have shared financial commitments, the resentment caused by him swanning around in a Porsche or a Rolex while the mortgage remains unpaid, or not offering to pay for something you'd both enjoy, could be very destructive to your relationship and no amount of money is worth that.

I think it's a very odd relationship when you don't share things like that, at least part of it.

verpay small amounts of the mortgage
at least, he's done that.

But even when you don't share finances, its' so weird not to use the money to go away together, or celebrate together.

I don't think he should do anything, but that kind of relationship wouldn't be for me.

Why? It's his money! Leave the poor guy alone, OP.

It would be a nice thing to do but you shouldn't expect it. It was his risk - if he'd lost it you wouldn't be affected.

How much

As per the terms of your financial set up, he's under no obligation. The money was his to spend, save or generate more money for himself. However, if I had a windfall I'd want to share it with my partner and family. The fact your H takes more pleasure from treating himself than including you speaks of a character type I'd not be happy being married to.

I'm not sure what you dont understand

Many women are financially abused. Some men will clear out joint accounts if they walk away from a marriage. Many women feel more financially secure with a separate account.

I'm married to a decent man but I'll never put all my money in a joint accout.

.

I take it you have equal fun money to do with as you please.

He chose to invest some of his in crypto. You presumably haven't done that. His fun money, his crypto and his gains. He can do as he pleases, though if it's a sizeable gain then it would be possible to argue that he should use it for the benefit of the whole family, and I imagine he will.

My DH invests in crypto. He does often share his gains and any that are made later this year are earmarked for work which needs done on our house (mortgage is paid off). I don't expect it, but we both know the urgency of some of this.

If you are married then everything is shared. Profits and losses.
That is what marriage is.
"All my worldly goods I thee endow". The sentiment should hold whatever the wording. Along with "Sickness and Health".

So if he lost all of his money would you have given him half / all of it out of your pot?

my DH and I share all money so any money he makes on investments is mine too. My friends don’t share money. It really depends on your usual relationship but without more information you sound entitled and a bit grabby tbh.

I am old and probably old fashioned, but I do not understand how this works. What happened to 'All that I have I share with you' and 'For richer and for poorer'. We've always pooled our money, put the bills and other essential outgoings first and then bloody well enjoyed any left over equally and together.

It's not very generous spirited to have a windfall and not share it with the person you love most in the world.

@Meadowfinch well whatever works is fine I guess. It just doesn't seem like people are committed to each other when they have their own pots of money. If they are married, then it's jointly owned. If it works to have separate pots, good for them. If it does. I'm not sure that it actually does though.