To think DH should share his windfall

I think the amount he has 'earned' is important

I couldn’t imagine not sharing with my dh if ai had a windfall and he’d be the same.

He’s not obliged to share it but I’d be a bit hurt if he doesn’t want to share ANY of it.

Would you have shared the loss - ie given him some of yours - if his investment had gone south ?

If you both get fun money, he has invested his and you do as you please with yours. Why should he share his winnings with you if h doesn't want to? You say he has already paid some additional off the mortgage anyway.

I think it's all very well some posters quoting marriage vows but sometimes marriages don't turn out how you'd expect but you don't realise until it's too late. It's sensible, after the joint bills/savings are paid, to have some separate money to have some autonomy over - particularly important for women who may be SAHMs or whose earnings have taken a hit because of this.

It would be nice if your DH treated you/the family with his windfall (as I would) but personally, I wouldn't expect it and neither would my DH.

It would be interesting to know if her DH had suggested jointly invest in Crypto, whether she'd have been willing to?!

It depends how your finances have been up to this point. With my OH, we share so I’ll gladly share or put it towards a family purchase. But you said this was his fun money, I’d argue it’s still his fun money and maybe he’ll treat you but don’t expect a share.

I think it's all very well some posters quoting marriage vows but sometimes marriages don't turn out how you'd expect but you don't realise until it's too late. It's sensible, after the joint bills/savings are paid, to have some separate money to have some autonomy over - particularly important for women who may be SAHMs or whose earnings have taken a hit because of this.

It would be nice if your DH treated you/the family with his windfall (as I would) but personally, I wouldn't expect it and neither would my DH.

It would be interesting to know if her DH had suggested jointly invest in Crypto, whether she'd have been willing to?!

I don't think OP means that they only have separate finances. Normally on here couples each having their own "fun money" means that they have already paid the monthly agreed amount into a joint account to cover bills, food, expenses for children. Then they split the rest and have equal "fun money" paid into their individual accounts.

OP hasn't elaborated on the joint account issue, but I have the impression that it exists. It would clarify and remove confusion if she confirmed it or otherwise.

I think it really depends on how you have agreed to run your finances as a couple. If everything is usually shared, then yes, he should be sharing this. If not, then why should the rules be different just because he suddenly has more?

I can't imagine not reducing the mortgage & treating my OH tbh.

New car, holiday that we wouldn't usually do for example.

How on earth do you know that? Classic mumsnet huge leap.

Depends, investing in crypto is a risk. If instead of getting a windfall he’d lost everything he invested would you have shared half of your fun money with him?

We've always pooled our money, put the bills and other essential outgoings first and then bloody well enjoyed any left over equally and together.

That only works if both people have similar values, attitudes and spending habits.
Have you seen the recent threads where a poster wants to spend more on beauty treatments or days out, and the DH thinks she is being wasteful? What about if the man had an expensive hobby, or wants to go on weekends away for his hobby?
In such cases, each having a personal spending pot or 'fun money', separate from the joint account, is a very practical and fair solution.

If all the money is joint, does that mean DH can see exactly how much you spent on his birthday or Christmas present? No privacy and no surprises? That is a dreadful way to live IMHO.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle yes they each have their own pot of money and then they're surprised they need to ask random people why it's not working

Depends how you do finances. I share with my partner as we are a couple.

I would not be having a marriage like this where you each have 'fun' money and one person comes into a lot of money and squirrels it away from their spouse. What a horrible way to live

Where do you get this? All I read is that each partner has their fun money to spend/fritter as they see fit

How much money did he get? Like, over 50,000? > 100,000?

All the PPs saying 'we pool all money and share it all together'...do none of you have your own hobbies, interests or social lives that you enjoy separately to your DH? I find that more odd than having some separate 'fun money' to do with as you please (as long as both partners have some).

Some overpayments have been on the mortgage. So he has shared it.

Why don't you actually talk to him about what he intends to do with the rest (it reads from your post that he's only withdrawn a small proportion and there may be a good reason for that) and suggest some practical uses which benefit you both?

Ultimately though, it's his 'fun money' and is up to him.

If you’re not going to completely share money (an approach I agree with, despite the naysaying above) then this is a direct result of that. He gained it through his own efforts and initiative, and while it might be nice for you both to benefit from SOME of the windfall, I wouldn’t expect it.

I assume it the investment had gone the other way, you’d have been happy to chip in to cover the losses?

Many years ago, when my mum died, I inherited 1/5 of her house, which tbh was nothing special, former council property where I grew up. My share went straight to bring down our joint mortgage.
My (ex) partner (ex for very different reasons) got a small inheritance from an aunt... she joliied off to see her friend in South Africa 😏

If you’re not going to completely share money (an approach I agree with, despite the naysaying above) then this is a direct result of that. He gained it through his own efforts and initiative, and while it might be nice for you both to benefit from SOME of the windfall, I wouldn’t expect it.

I don’t think this is definitely true- I think it’s just their fun money so that’s the bit left over after all their joint expenses are paid for!!