To think DH should share his windfall

It's not someone else though, it's her husband.
I don't understand this mentality at all (unless financial separation is due to problems with gambling or someone preparing to leave etc)
If I bought a lottery ticket or invested wisely and gained a windfall, absolutely I'd be sharing it with my husband and children, I'd expect the same in return. We are a family unit and what affects or benefits one (good OR bad) affects/benefits us all. Is this not the norm?!

We have separate financial lives.
DH just doesn’t know how money works.
He hands over the necessary to me.
I don’t know what he does with the rest.

The way I interpret the term 'windfall' in OP's post is that her husband has suddenly come into a large and unexpected amount of money which she thinks should be shared.

That is a completely different scenario to one where he's got a large pot of money as a result of him saving for years by putting some of his personal money aside each month.

When it comes to a windfall in the way I define it, I would absolutely split it with my husband!

I don't see it as any different to me sharing a large lottery win with my husband.

Not that I'm an expert on Crypto, but I'd be withdrawing the windfall, spend some of it on the boring bits of life, and then split the rest 50/50 with my husband and tell him to knock himself out 😂

He has taken out small amounts from time to time. He is keeping the rest invested

@Myy While you talk about a 'windfall', do you realise that a profit is only a profit when it's cashed in? Crypto, like stocks and shares are risky and so could fall in value tomorrow. If this happens would you be reimbursing him part of his losses?

But you're a woman, so that's OK

The OPs DH doing the same thing isn't allowed on MN.

It is a bit 'heads I win, tails you lose' isn't it - we'll each have a bit of cash that we can do what we want with, no business of the other's, yours is yours mine is mine, except if you're sensible with yours in which case yours is mine too.

I'm sure I've seen threads on MN where a woman with some assets to her name is getting married to someone with far less; the advice then is pretty much unanimously that steps should be taken to protect those assets to prevent them becoming the property of the spouse-to-be - trusts and the like. However when it's the man who's got a bit of bunce we're inundated with people from the 19th century quoting marriage vows and denying the independence of either party involved.

OP studiously avoiding answering any uncomfortable questions that don't fit with her sense of outrage and entitlement! 😁

@Myy it would be nice of him to share, but he shouldn’t have to as whatever he’s gained has been through his fun money xx

A thread about not sharing money and suddenly half of MN turn into staunch traditionalists. Is it really that difficult to comprehend that making a decision to keep some, or even all money separate, can be a sensible thing?

To be clear, he is not in possession of the money, it’s invested. He is not “enjoying” the whole lot, he’s cashing in small amounts and paying the mortgage, buying himself something he wants/needs

do you have any savings? Individually or jointly? If your dh one day decided to cash it all in, split it and spend his half would you be ok with it? If you were saving for a new car for example, but you dh said actually anything you save I get half of to spend how I want?

YABU you say it's fun money so it's his I assume you spent your "fun money?" On yourself he was smart with his and invested it

I’m an artist as a hobby and some of my fun money goes towards materials. I sell my work. Any money that I get as a result goes into our joint savings, it would never occur to me to keep this for myself, but then my DH and I share everything and always have. What we have as a family goes towards the benefit of us both and has done for the last 35 years.

YANBU!

If I came into lots of money in this manner I would immediately give 50% of it to DH, it wouldn't even occur to me to do otherwise! And he'd do the same if it was the other way round too!!!

I'd want him to enjoy it just as much as me!

There's absolutely no way I would consider it to be 'mine'.

If this were DH and me I don’t think it would occur to either of us to keep it all to ourselves- most would go on sensible stuff like paying off the mortgage and some kept back for fun stuff

Your being grabby

you have joint finances for bills then each have a bit of fun money to do what you want with
OP presumably burnt through her which is what it’s for DH took a risk invested his and did well
I find it incredibly hard to believe if he would of lost the lot OP would of offered to replace it with some of her fun money

you could of invested your money if u wanted to

I think the amount of money here is material. If he's made 200k and your remaining mortgage is 200k then you should be having a joint conversation about how to deploy the funds, as it could greatly affect your shared lifestyle and future. If its not enough to do that then I'd say its up to him. I've been in a similar situation except the money was inheritance. I had enough to get a new kitchen and pay off our mortgage and I decided myself that's what I wanted to do with the money and DH agreed (unsurprisingly!). With lesser amounts of my own money I dont see it as my DHs business what i do with it. We fully share day to day and holiday finances, so beyond day to day we make independent decisions. So in summary id say that the lead decision on how to deploy money should be with the person who comes into that money. But lifestyle-affecting decisions should be discussed and mutual agreements come to.

You can indeed get income from crypto through staking or lending. Subject to tax on either the income or the capital if you were to sell.

He isn’t spending the “windfall” though. It’s an investment/savings he’s dipping into now and again.

same as if o/p had an isa, and cashed in £1k to buy herself something. That doesn’t mean her dh can insist she sells the lot and split it.

like I said, if it is making more annually that they’re paying on the mortgage or other debts, it would be stupid to sell it- they’d loss a lot of money.

It’s not a windfall yet.

it’s invested. An asset, the same way their house is an asset, their car, or any other savings.

he has to sell it.

you wouldn’t just decide to sell your house or remortgage to fund a round the world trip. Or sell your car.

it’s invested, and is accumulating value for the future. Why should he sell it because his wife wants half?

it could be accumulating more value yearly than they’re paying on the mortgage. In which case it’s a bad idea to sell and pay off the mortgage. I could pay off my mortgage- I have the value invested in an isa. However my isa brings in 8% and my mortgage is 4%, so I’d be stupid to cash in the USA.

it sounds like the dh is money savvy, o/p, not so much.

Depends what crypto he has.

Some can be staked to gain additional units.

Would you have covered half of it had it been lost?

You diidnt answer this excellent question @Myy

OP I don't think there's any obligation on your DH's part, based on the technicalities of your arrangement. But I suspect the emotional logic which underpins is is that you would like his first instinct for a windfall to be towards you (you plural, you as a couple) / the family unit. I would certainly hope that would be my life partner's first instinct - be it taking us all on a nice holiday, updating the car or redecorating or whatever, all examples where he benefits, yes, but so do you - you all benefit together. It would make me sad if my partner wanted to spend a windfall entirely individually, for his private benefit alone. Purely because it would speak to his feelings and values.

If however he simply wanted to let the asset be, and hopefully grow, not to liquidate it, which is what he sounds like he's doing in your case...I would say that's his choice!

Remember as well that there will be Capital gains tax to pay on any increase in value over 3k, at 18/24%, so if he does decide to sell he should transfer at least £3k of it to you (not a taxible event) then you can use your tax free CGT allowance.

So if this was your windfall would you be sharing ? I didn't think so. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine.

Interesting.

Well this just sounds like you need to rejig your budget. As it's unfair that you have to use your discretionary spending for shared expenses. If you're not as a couple putting enough into joint savings to cover those unexpected out-of-pocket expenses, you should each take a bit less fun money each month, and put more into your shared sinking fund instead. Your fun money deserves to be just that.