To think DH should share his windfall

I wouldn't demand he share but I'd be devastated he didn't immediately offer to.

You're not a unit are you? You're seperate people with a financial arrangement and under yhe arrangement thats his money so he has no obligation to share. That's not what I'd want from a life partner, I'd be considering a different future.

He should do something nice for you both. He has, because he's put more into the mortgage. Is it a case of he wants it to stay fun money and you want it used practically? Then no, he doesn't have to do that. Unless you have a bit of plastering etc that blights your life every day. My DP is lucky on the grand national. He takes us out for food/drinks the next day. He had a big payout and we picked a reasonable holiday between us (£950 each), he paid.

Although your marriage means it is half yours, it sounds like the agreement between you is that you each get something to do with a you please. DH and I have the same arrangement. He's growing his money to fund care when he's older. Whilst I would like to use some of it on household repairs, I also respect (and will benefit from) how he's using his money. However, even if he was only using it to buy less important things, that would still be his right under or agreement. Likewise, I don't run my purchases that come out of my money by him.

Agreed.

This, I can't understand this. And I hate the phrase fun money.

There are tax implications when he sells his crypto. Is he keeping the amounts he is selling to withdraw small enough to keep below the tax threshold and the rest of it in there to potentially earn more?

Why do men end up like this as well. They were in the same situation.

They aren't living separate financial lives. They had equal fun money. It's just OP's dh invested his. OP could have done the same. She chose not to.

My ex spent his fun money mostly on car racing. I bought two very personal items I knew would appreciate in value. I didn't share them when we split.

I think if you’re not going to share money fully then this is what happens and he’s perfectly entitled to spend how he wants. That must have been the general agreement when you both allocated yourself individual pots of money to spend how you like.

It’s not the way we work as a family, everything goes in one pot and we buy what we like. We have a similar attitude to money though.

My OH would put some of it toward joint fun..eg holidays. I wouldn't expect him to share it all. I did the same when I found an old bank account I'd forgotten about with £5k in it.

YANBU

When either of us get a bonus at work, we usually buy something nice for ourselves (say 10-15% of bonus pot) and put the rest in the joint account.

I'd do the same here.

Mine would have. But we had a shared aim to pay off the mortgage as soon as possible. That naturally meant the first thought either of us had for any work bonus or other windfall was ‘take some off the mortgage’.

Without that context already being a shared goal, I’m Team DH - he did what he wanted to do with his ‘fun money’ and it paid off, and from your OP he HAS used some of it to pay off some mortgage.

Do you spend your fun money on him? And didn’t you say that he has overpaid on the mortgage. So the windfall does benefit you. He’s spent some of his extra money on a joint investment - have you ever made overpayments on the mortgage? What do you want exactly from him? You could just ask him for a present if you want one.

What a weird way to love. I couldn’t fathom having something and being content to not let me partner enjoy it to. What are his better parts?

I don’t think the amount makes any difference.

this was agreed as HIS fun money to do with as he pleased.

@Myy did you use your fun money for family things?

Why has my post been hidden when it says pretty much the same as @PoshDuckQuarkQuark ?

I really think YABU here. Presumably you’ve spent your fun money on things for you - the reason he’s spent his on Crypto is to see if he can make more from it, which you obviously could too - and he’s keeping it there to see if it makes more.

It’d be a bit mean (but still fair IMO) if he cashed it all in and spent it all on himself now, but what’s the problem with keeping the money where it is and using small amounts for what he wants/overpaying the mortgage.

If we are talking about a significant sum of money, then I think he should share.

He’s paid some towards the mortgage, so he’s not totally irresponsible.

Maybe OP could contribute her ‘fun money’ to the pot or ask her DH to show her how to do it - I would! And then she could share in the reward. As it is, she hasn’t taken the risks or contributed anything but still has her hand out because she’s jealous.

I think the issue is that he doesn’t consider you at all.

Yes, as PP, we need to know (at least roughly) how much.

When you say 'overpay small parts of the mortgage', do you mean he gained £250,000 and paid £2,000 of the mortgage - or was it that he only got a relatively small amount in the first place?

I'm torn because I know my DH would share with me and the household, but I don't ever expect him to share.

Would you have covered half of it had it been lost?

You say he used his fun money, which implies you both have a set amount to do as you please? He has chosen a bit of a gamble with his by investing in crypto, it's paid off and he's got some cash (how much is somewhat relevant here too, few hundred from a tenner investment or hundreds of thousands).

But you also say he has been paying off small amounts of the mortgage whilst also treating himself to some bits, has he taken all his money out of crypto or is he letting it continue to be invested?

Presumably you wouldn’t be offering to top up his fun money if he’d made a loss on his crypto investment, and when you saw his crypto doing well you didn’t get into it yourself with your own fun money? Tough OP, you can’t sit on your hands then benefit from someone else’s good fortune.

How much? 100 ish, then it’s his. If it’s thousands then I’d say some should be used for family stuff

This is another case of a marriage where the two partners are living separate financial lives. I don't get it. Why do women end up like this ?