Child age 8 walks to our house on his own?!

Yes and he was angry and upset when he ran from
the house

So, why do you think it’s OK to publicise this on Mumsnet? You seem mean and judgy.

@FridayFeelingmidweek my kids school in south west lets kids walk home alone from age 8/9 with parents permission

This mum may be under a lot of pressure OP. Does she have any other kids in the house? Because an eight year old runs fast. I’ve been in this situation myself with an autistic 9yo, I got my trainers on and followed but I had to get his little sister out too which slowed us down. It sounds like you don’t have a kid with special needs yourself and probably don’t fully appreciate how hard it is.

Personally I wouldn’t ‘let’ my SEN 11 year old do this but sounds like it wasn’t allowed - he had gone off and you rang before she found him. So I think you’re being a bit judgemental. As they get bigger, it can be hard to safely contain autistic children and they are known to be escape artists sometimes. So I wouldn’t assume somehow mum doesn’t care or is being negligent. She came as soon as you rang and was probably very relieved.

And yet somehow despite all your faux concern for his safety and lack of road sense he was absolutely capable of walking down the street to your house...

An 8 year old is more than capable of this. Even with additional needs I'm sure teh mum must have known he would just walk to you and didn't immediately panic.

really not sure what you are getting het up about.

At that age I used to walk round a big park in Leeds with my 6yo brother and the dog. Clearly not ok by today’s standards, but OP you are definitely being OTT.

She was obviously having a situation with him. She’s having a hard enough time without you judging her on social media. Poor bloody woman.

On a complete side note and at the risk of starting a new topic - I wonder where in the country everyone is from to let their 7/8 year old walk alone. Genuine question.

Where I live, not a chance but maybe parts of the country are safer/family around/close knit community etc.

She did indeed say he wasn't normal. Which is a bloody vile thing to write about anyone let alone an 8 year old.

This was her exact wording.
Hes not a normal 8 year old though! This is the WHOLE point!

The OP doesn't sound like a kind friend at all she sounds incredibly judgemental of this child and his parents.

I would say it is fine and what always used to happen. But, as now streets can be very tricky to cross safely because of double parked, very wide and high cars, and being used as rat runs, I think this would only have been safe for this child if you live on the same side of the street.

Oh yea, she did say not normal. Oops, bad phrasing there OP.

@FridayFeelingmidweekHer words were “He’s not a normal 8 year old though!…He is mentally behind…unpredictable”

YABU.

I’m sure these people that you know so well would be thrilled at your description of their son as “not a normal child”.

Perhaps they thought him walking down the street in the direction of a family that knew him well might not be an issue?

I don't think OP said he 'wasn't normal' unless I missed something. She said he has autism and learning needs, and that the child's parent told her about it.

Personally, I think another kind parent lending an ear or at least empathising about how tough certain things can be with neurodiverse children is lovely. But then again, I'm not defensive and welcome kindness. This person doesn't sound judgemental and if the other mum chars to her about the diagnosis, it's hardly stepping over lines.

Of course the average 8 year old can walk down the road alone. My 7 year old walks to school alone and that's a lot further than just down the road, involving crossing roads and walking along roads that have no pavements. He is perfectly capable of this, as are all the other 7 year olds making the same journey.

An 8 year old with developmental delay is a different matter though, it really depends on the individual child and their parents know best how capable or not they are, but it sounds like he wasn't actually allowed to walk there alone - he ran off during an argument.

I get it, OP.

I teach children this age in mainstream primary. The range of abilities is very wide in all areas of development. For some children, it would be appropriate to have this level of independence and others it wouldn't. And that's before you've even considered any additional needs.

In most cases, it is true that the parent can make this judgement and it will be sound for their child. In others, parents will make the same judgement and it wouldn't be the right one to make for their child.

There also a prevailing narrative on MN that parents of children with additional needs will always make the right decision for their child and know their child better. It's probably true for the type of parent who posts on MN, but we know that that it isn't always the case too and there are many reasons for that.

In the situation you've described, what would concern me is that she knew the child had run off and had allowed him to get as far as your house without at least following him or watching from a distance. Knowing that he was angry when he left, she should also have known that his decision making capabilities would be reduced. That's true for everyone. It's how the brain works.

That increased the risk for him regardless of his developmental age or learning needs but, with those things added in, it raises the risk to him further.

I totally agree with you OP. I’ve got an AuDHD child who at that age also had zero concept of danger, would talk to anybody and was a runner to the point I had to put an alarm on the front door. His mum clearly wasn’t worried but I would have been to be honest.

@FridayFeelingmidweek if I was the parent of the other child, I’d not see the OP as possessing a ‘ kind ear’ given she describes my child as ‘not a normal 8 yr old’