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Original poster

Teenage daughter harassed by ex’s new girlfriend

109 replies

FCat · 07/09/2025 08:47

morning, looking for advice please. Midnight last night some random girl knocked on our door asking to speak to my daughter. Turns out my daughter’s ex boyfriend had driven her over to confront my daughter for phoning him. They split up last year but have unfortunately kept in touch here and there. Now it appears he has a new girlfriend. The relationship wasn’t ideal, my daughter was only 16 when they got together, usual story: didn’t like her friends, didn’t like her going out, accusing her or cheating, etc etc, eventually split up and ever since then he still keeps tabs on her through mutual acquaintances - still accuses her of dating others (not that it’s any of his business now), has turned up at her part time job to have a go at some lad he’s accused her of dating. When they split he screen shot her personal messages and sent them to friends, coworkers, etc. One time he also drove her around in his car at that time in the middle of the night, refusing to take her home, getting mates, a sibling etc to scream abuse at her down the phone. Until now we have let it slide, my daughter is leaving for uni in the next few days so we’d hoped this would be the end of it. However this morning, I am fuming and as you can imagine barely slept - I am torn between bashing on his door this morning (he lives with parents still) and giving him what for, or reporting last nights incident to the police. I am spitting at the midnight visit, made worse that the girlfriend knocked on the door whilst he loitered like a coward down the path. Or do I leave it as she leaves in a few days anyway, and my daughter doesn’t want me to make it worse? I’m not even sure if the police will be interested - it is all recorded on my cameras. But right now, doing nothing makes me feel useless

OP posts:
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Change2banon · 09/09/2025 01:05

ASimpleLampoon · 07/09/2025 20:28

Police. ASAP.

At least read all OP’s posts before posting 🙄

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 08/09/2025 00:52

There is a way of texting the police too but you have to register first I think.

Leteveryoneseeit · 08/09/2025 00:29

Your DD has been the victim of emotional violence and coercive control - did she report all of the other incidents - because establishing “a pattern of behaviour”’ is very important. Each of these incidents will together be compounding. If not she should do - the police need to know the all these details to establish risk. Something she might think is trivial maybe a significant red flag.

Also is she getting professional psychological support or help her recover from the impact of this sustained abuse?

JFDIYOLO · 07/09/2025 23:57

Good to know they've taken it seriously.

Hopefully she's blocked the pair of them absolutely everywhere.

I take it the ex and his girlfriend are also very young?

She must be extremely careful at uni - not revealing her accommodation address information or pictures especially on social media. She has no way of knowing which of her friends might be reporting back to him.

Ensure her siblings understand that allowing this to go on so far was a mistake on your part, how to recognise a coercive control abuser and how to get away.

These articles are worth sharing with them:

What is domestic abuse / coercive control:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

'Flying monkeys':

https://narcissistic-abuse.net/knowledge-base/what-are-flying-monkeys

The law on sharing intimate photos:

https://www.college.police.uk/guidance/sharing-photographs-of-people-intimate-state

Coercive control - Women’s Aid

What is coercive control? Domestic abuse isn’t always physical. Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.  Coercive and contr...

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

Ilovelifeverymuch · 07/09/2025 22:44

FCat · 07/09/2025 21:03

Yes, the police have also spoken to her about what to do - now they have details, if she calls 999 they will attend, if she cannot speak she needs to call, leave the line open and they will track her phone. If out find a safe space, shop etc and call. Her siblings are also aware of what to do. Thank you for your comments and additional advice

Show quote history

I am glad the police are taking it seriously, this will help boost her confidence and give her peace of mind (and also you and your DH) as she moves unto the next chapter of her life.

I wish her all the best going forward, unfortunately sometimes we learn life lessons through difficult and painful experiences but she I'm sure she is definitely wiser after this and I hope she finds someone who loves and respects her and treats her with dignity.

Coffeeishot · 07/09/2025 21:05

This sounds positive hopefully this will be the end of it. She might be hypervigilant for a while but hopefully her going to university will help move on,

Original poster
FCat · 07/09/2025 21:03

AnSolas · 07/09/2025 20:54

Its great that the police are taking action.

Now for the family bit
Have you sat down and talked about what DD should do and should not do if he or his friends turn up again?

Things like how to get help?
how to stay in a place with other people?
how to not let him with in grabbing distance?
how she needs to say " go away I do not want to speak with you" to any and all attempts to get her to engage in a conversation?
how she should yell and/or scream to attract attention?
how to ask people to call the police?

Show quote history

Yes, the police have also spoken to her about what to do - now they have details, if she calls 999 they will attend, if she cannot speak she needs to call, leave the line open and they will track her phone. If out find a safe space, shop etc and call. Her siblings are also aware of what to do. Thank you for your comments and additional advice

OP posts:
AnSolas · 07/09/2025 20:54

FCat · 07/09/2025 18:48

Update: we have filed a police report regarding both of them. We will also request in writing that he and the gf do not contact DD either directly or indirectly. Any further incidents will also be reported - if he turns up here again or at uni it will be treated as stalking. We will advise her uni and accommodation of the issue. He and mates are blocked on everything we can think of

for those who asked, DH answered the door last night and told them to leave. DD did not see them

hopefully this will now be the end, at least for DD

DD is good, visibly relieved and optimistic, packing, organising and moving on to the next chapter of her life

thank you for all the advice

Its great that the police are taking action.

Now for the family bit
Have you sat down and talked about what DD should do and should not do if he or his friends turn up again?

Things like how to get help?
how to stay in a place with other people?
how to not let him with in grabbing distance?
how she needs to say " go away I do not want to speak with you" to any and all attempts to get her to engage in a conversation?
how she should yell and/or scream to attract attention?
how to ask people to call the police?

ASimpleLampoon · 07/09/2025 20:28

Police. ASAP.

JohnofWessex · 07/09/2025 20:22

Its a pity that there isnt some sort of 'psychiatric treatment' for men like this with a strong emphasis on 'behave or be locked up'

Sassylovesbooks · 07/09/2025 19:57

That's good news. Your daughter has absolutely done the right thing by reporting her ex and his current girlfriend. It's on record, and that's the main thing. Hopefully, this will be the end of the situation. Onwards and upwards for her now!

Nestingbirds · 07/09/2025 19:57

FCat · 07/09/2025 18:48

Update: we have filed a police report regarding both of them. We will also request in writing that he and the gf do not contact DD either directly or indirectly. Any further incidents will also be reported - if he turns up here again or at uni it will be treated as stalking. We will advise her uni and accommodation of the issue. He and mates are blocked on everything we can think of

for those who asked, DH answered the door last night and told them to leave. DD did not see them

hopefully this will now be the end, at least for DD

DD is good, visibly relieved and optimistic, packing, organising and moving on to the next chapter of her life

thank you for all the advice

I hope this is the end of it now for your dd. Certainly the police and courts are taking this much more seriously now. You will be supported, and so will dd.

I feel sorry for the other girl, his next prey.

FallingIntoAutumn · 07/09/2025 19:47

Great update.
it’s not easy reporting it feels like your making it bigger than it is. It really is the right thing to do

hopefully he shits himself and fucks off

xsquared · 07/09/2025 19:39

That's great news.

Hopefully that is the last that your dd will ever hear or see of them.

Original poster
FCat · 07/09/2025 18:48

Update: we have filed a police report regarding both of them. We will also request in writing that he and the gf do not contact DD either directly or indirectly. Any further incidents will also be reported - if he turns up here again or at uni it will be treated as stalking. We will advise her uni and accommodation of the issue. He and mates are blocked on everything we can think of

for those who asked, DH answered the door last night and told them to leave. DD did not see them

hopefully this will now be the end, at least for DD

DD is good, visibly relieved and optimistic, packing, organising and moving on to the next chapter of her life

thank you for all the advice

OP posts:
Tagyoureit · 07/09/2025 18:02

FCat · 07/09/2025 12:20

Thank you for everyone’s advise and comments. We have spoken to the police and my daughter has a video call with an officer this afternoon. So far they have been incredibly helpful and are taking it seriously

Brilliant news!!

But please, please ensure your dd does not contact this twat ever again!! Block, block, block!

xsquared · 07/09/2025 15:26

So sorry this is happening to your dd, op.

Ultimately it's her ex who is the main perpetrator, and new gf is just the flying monkey.
I am guessing it's your dd who has ended the relationship, but ex is wanting to create drama and getting new gf to do the dirty work for him in. Probably trying to boost his ego. Either way, he's utterly toxic and needs to be blocked on all platforms.

Hope the police takes this seriously. All the best to your dd, as her mental health as well as personal safety needs protecting.

fruitypancake · 07/09/2025 15:20

Won’t hurt to get it logged with the police in case this continues, what a shocking way to behave

TeaCupTornado · 07/09/2025 15:18

Police and see if your solicitor has any advice.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 07/09/2025 15:16

Your poor daughter. It absolutely constitutes harassment, especially sending personal messages to others etc. Definitely report to police, it will help build a picture for when future victims of his behaviour also need to report him.

lemonraspberry · 07/09/2025 15:13

Speak to your daughter about the benefits of boundaries, coercion and abusive behaviour (the car incident is particularly concerning) and personal safety. Maybe get her aware of this https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-35232275. The BBC three programme murdered by my boyfriend (a true story) also shows how this situations, which may seem harmless at first can escalate very quickly.

I would lodge it with the police, they may not do much but if his name keeps cropping up they know he has form for this behaviour.

I also would be on the doorstep of his parents telling them he has been reported and why.

The fact your daughter is away to uni is almost irrelevant here.

Laura Davies

Jordan Taylor trial: Laura Davies 'stabbed by ex-boyfriend'

A horse groomer was stabbed to death outside the sanctuary where she worked after ending her relationship with her killer, a court hears.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-35232275

SquirrelosaurusSoShiny · 07/09/2025 15:07

He sounds like an absolute dick and hopefully that is completely obvious to her now. She needs to block him AND the new girlfriend everywhere. She gets to go off to uni now and start over but yes, I would advise you to notify the university so they are aware.

Cherrysoup · 07/09/2025 14:56

First thing the police will advise is that she never contacts him again and blocks his number. Bloke sounds dangerous.

Pearl69 · 07/09/2025 14:43

Glad the police have acted. You just don’t know how far he ll go with this behaviour.

Best of luck to your DD OP - fresh start at uni, without this controlling low life getting in her way, I really hope he doesn’t know which uni she’s going to.

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 07/09/2025 14:34

Daughter need to terminate contact, her keeping contact maintains this
Police will tell her to cease contact. At the moment she’s voluntarily in contact with her ex. They’re all too enmeshed
Your daughter needs to tell her ex shes going NC and then block him on all SM etc
Obviously ex will manipulate new girlfriend that your DD wants him back, excessive contact etc. To elicit a response from new GF and he probably like the drama