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Original poster

How attracted to someone do you need to be??

87 replies

Spookygoose · 06/09/2025 21:44

I’ve been on 3 dates with a guy I really get along with and fancy a little bit. We’ve slept together once and it was fairly good. Everything about him is perfect - personality, life situation, he likes me a lot. But I’m confused about whether I’m attracted to him ‘enough’. I don’t have a strong urge to kiss him (but I do a little bit) or rip his clothes off but I THINK I like the idea of sleeping with him again. I’m so confused 😕 he’d make a great partner (from what I know so far) but I’m worried that that tiny bit of attraction that’s there might fizzle out pretty quickly considering it’s kinda weak to start off with. I look forward to seeing him when I’m not with him and don’t want the date to end when I am with him…but I just don’t know if I fancy him enough! Can anyone shed any light on what I should do? I’m so undecided

OP posts:
Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/09/2025 22:20

I think you’ve answered your own question.

You're not willing to settle. This would absolutely be settling.

I had relationships with men I wasn’t all that attracted to because I was terrified of being hurt by men who were attractive. I was always deeply unhappy even though they were all very nice.

I met my husband and was completely obsessed with him. I’ve never fancied anyone as much as him and luckily we were compatible in all the other areas.

It’s a real gamble. I have many friends who settled for the nice guy. Some are happy. Some aren’t. None of them have sex anymore.

You have to be really honest with yourself. Can you imagine really being happy with this long term, or would you be stringing him along?

Original poster
Spookygoose · 06/09/2025 22:10

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/09/2025 21:50

What have your previous relationships been like?
What are you looking for?

Previous relationships I’ve always really fancied them in the beginning and never had to question it. However we weren’t always well matched in other ways or love didn’t last hence why I’m now single in my 30s. I’m looking for a life partner really. I’ve got a young son and I want a stable long-term relationship. I feel like he’s someone I could have that with potentially..apart from the weak physical attraction. I’m not willing to settle, I want a partner but it has to be right

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 06/09/2025 22:05

I look forward to seeing him when I’m not with him and don’t want the date to end when I am with him

I'd say that this is "enough". Someone that makes you laugh, who is interesting company, is kind and funny and generous and doesn't take themselves too seriously knocks the socks off a pretty boy with no substance if you're after someone for the long haul.

Starling7 · 06/09/2025 21:55

In general relationships work better when the woman likes the man less than he likes her. Stay cool and see how it develops - your indifference will probably bring the best out in him...

BigBirdOfPrey · 06/09/2025 21:55

You’re worried about things that may not happen.
Go with the flow

JimmyGiraffe · 06/09/2025 21:52

Take your time, attraction can grow

Seismicshift · 06/09/2025 21:52

Speaking from experience, don't do it. A lifetime is a long time.

Sometimes love and attraction can be a slow burner, so it maybe worth bit of time, but tbh, if sparks still don't fly I'd move on pretty quick.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/09/2025 21:50

What have your previous relationships been like?
What are you looking for?

Merseymum1980 · 06/09/2025 21:49

A friend of mine felt like this with a guy I set her up with.
She is now happily married to him, they have children and he has adopted her two children from a previous relationship.
He really grew on her, she is now deeply in love with him.
See how it grows no pressure in early days

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/09/2025 21:49

I’m worried that that tiny bit of attraction that’s there might fizzle out pretty quickly considering it’s kinda weak to start off with

I think that’s a fair concern.

The number of threads I’ve read on here from posters who never really fancied their partner or spouse has really shocked me. It can go on for multiple kids and decades, unhappily, and it seems just a sad waste.

It depends what you’re looking for I suppose.

Do you like how he smells? Do you want to rest your head on his shoulder if you’ve had a shit day? Lie in his arms on a lazy morning?

Iveneverraisedateen · 06/09/2025 21:49

ChilliChoco · 06/09/2025 21:47

Why did you sleep with him if you are only a bit attracted to him? That's a pretty low bar.

Is it?

Everything about him is perfect - personality, life situation, he likes me a lot

Peoples looks change over time, personality doesn't tend to

ChilliChoco · 06/09/2025 21:47

Why did you sleep with him if you are only a bit attracted to him? That's a pretty low bar.

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