To go abroad on holiday (EU) 2 days after DH has major surgery?

Op, don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time, it sounds like a really difficult situation and you don’t sound remotely selfish, just trying be realistic about weighing up the practicalities of post op recovery against the holiday and the loss of money cancellation would incur.

Your DH does not sound like he is being realistic. He needs to recover at home. It needs to be checked with the travel insurance and airline but I doubt he would even be able to travel that soon after the op. Hopefully being told this officially would put an end to that train of thought.

So you’re absolutely right to involve the surgeon in the discussions. If the delay to the op would only be a few weeks, have it after you come back. If it would be substantial, go ahead with the op and take the hit on the holiday..

I’m not too impressed with your travel insurance company though, he’s having a finger amputated and has current care needs not a boob job for aesthetic reasons. I think refusing to pay out due to being elective surgery should be challenged, maybe through a complaint/ombudsman procedure. His condition has deteriorated to the point the surgery now sounds essential and this is the date they’ve provided him. This is what travel insurance is for.

No I didn't miss it - its a finger, not a leg or an arm, it'll be dressed and in a cast, as long as he keeps it elevated and takes his pain medication regularly and doesn't something stupid like try to unblock a bog with it, the infection risk is not really more significant than the infection risk from the other surgical wounds he'll have.

Did you miss that he wants to go on holiday, is an adult, can make his own decisions and has had several similar ops before so knows very well what he'll feel like afterwards?

They're also going on a nice relaxing holiday to Madeira, not flinging themselves down black runs in Switzerland. This makes the 'had a finger amputated' significantly less of a worry.

@chocolatebiscuitforme my best mate got scheduled for a hernia operation just 4 days before their booked holiday (and just 4 weeks notice). The surgeon said she absolutely should not be travelling so soon after the operation, so the hospital moved the operation for her to a date 4 weeks later. She actually wanted to enjoy the holiday too.

My mum had exactly the same for a cataract operation as the travel company wanted consent from the hospital that she would be fit to fly, and the hospital said no. There is a clause in the insurance about this.

Your DH is being ridiculous. The NHS frequently move non urgent operations for people. It's normal. Why on earth would he want to spoil the holiday. It's almost as if he wants to be in a nice warm climate with you waiting on him hand and foot!

You are probably better off discussing it again once you have the info about how long you would have to wait if you rebook the surgery. It could be a short wait! I wouldn’t want to be in pain on holiday, but should you need it, medical care in Madeira is really very good (lived there for a while and my oldest was born there).

Once you have been shunted up the list, I have found it is possible to change appointments to within a reasonable time of the original one. It may be because my experience involved multiple surgeries so a lot of people had to shift things around a bit. It is definitely worth a go though.

@WiddlinDiddlin He is having a finger amputated. That’s not a small thing.

My surgeon advised against flying for just a broken finger surgery, and I was flying 10 days later. To be honest, he didn't say I couldn't / shouldn't go - I did press him on that point - but he said he wouldn't do it. Since he wouldn't say one way or the other I was stuck (insurance wouldn't have paid out) and went, and it was fine. But no way on God's earth would I fly after what you describe, and I also can't imagine the surgeon agreeing. Also, you may have insurance but they will need a premium extra to cover that (if they will cover it at all) if you went. My broken finger doubled my annual policy. It was £370 extra.

@chocolatebiscuitforme

Apologies if I missed it but have you checked the airline's T&Cs?

The plaster cast in itself might be an issue and some airlines require clearance from their own medics/medical clearance team before carriage so soon after surgery.

It would be a shame to say the least to get as far as the gate or even the aircraft and then be denied boarding.

I misunderstood. YABU to delay the surgery.

It's not a life or death surgery fgs, and it's ops husband that seems to be so bloody minded about wanting everything how he wants it, but he doesn't get to decide certain things like being refunded for a holiday.
I would look at how much of a wait he is likely to have if the surgeon rebooks after September op, a couple of weeks won't matter much in the grand scheme and I think you're right, recovery would be better after a holiday.

Have you checked about travel insurance ? I’d expect the premium to be very prohibitive so soon after anaesthesia and surgery even if he’s signed as ok to travel

Obviously you delay the holiday not the surgery. I mean obviously.

To be fair to you, OP, your subsequent posts come across as more reasonable - and sympathetic - than the first one.

"I've said it's too close to his surgery & he should delay his surgery until we get home. He's said 'no' as he wants it over & done with ASAP. I have every sympathy with his feelings, but I'm concerned that he will be in the early stages of recovery & not a good time to go on holiday, especially to somewhere that is likely to be warm (which is why we booked Madeira in October)."

Why don't you read a snippet of what you've written in your OP, and see if you can now see just how selfish of you this is.

You very much come across that your holiday is more important than your husband's condition or post-surgery recovery. You really do not come across well at all in this post. I feel sorry for your husband.

Just read about the planned knee op - would suggest you buy some smart crutches rather than rely on the standard nhs or the arthritis nhs ones - the nhs crutches have added to my clawed hand difficulties . The smart crutches put the pressure on your forearms rather than your fingers. Even months after hand surgery he risks a tendon rupture if he uses nhs crutches.

I think you’re unreasonable to even suggest you delay his op until you know how long the wait would be.

But even then, please take into consideration that the NHS can be a mess and even if he is given another date shortly aftet the holiday, there is a risk they can change it again.

I needed surgery last year and they changed my date 4 times, delaying it a further month.

I would cancel the holiday and take the surgery. It’s also not you having to live with the condition.

This has got to be the most selfish thread I've ever read on here.

I was working in bed the day after surgery with 25 stitches in one hand and then back at work the next day with someone to drive me and carry the bags. Not what I would recommend but I was young and foolish and ended up having more surgery. However I do think you need to be pugnacious to have this type of problem and get on with life !