To go abroad on holiday (EU) 2 days after DH has major surgery?

Great resolution @chocolatebiscuitforme, have a fantastic trip!

No idea which airline is involved but for info flying so soon after surgery might require a bit more than just rocking up with a free form letter from the Doc...

https://www.britishairways.com/content/information/travel-assistance/medical-conditions-and-pregnancy

@chocolatebiscuitforme after that he will have his arm elevated in plaster cast for at least 8 weeks

If flying, the plaster cast will need to be split to prevent dangerous issues from the change in pressure at high altitude. This will change the cast's effectiveness if done so soon after surgery and could reduce the success of the whole procedure. The airline will refuse you boarding without a dr letter confirming you are safe to fly, which they won't decide whether to do until after the procedure. The amount of painkillers he will need to be on will mean he doesn't have energy for much activity on the holiday, he will just want to be propped up somewhere and allowed to doze. He won't have any less fun at home.

Surely you delay a holiday, not surgery?

He is blithely underestimating the pain and what kind of shit creek YOU will be in if post-op complications set in and you are far away.

I have a bull headed man. I sympathise.

If they can't delay the surgery, just going to have to swallow the £2k loss. That money is gone anyway, forget about it.

I'm mot sure it's reasonable to ask him to delay the surgery but you both need to have your eyes wide open that the holiday will not be happening if the surgery goes ahead that day. He won't be in a fit state to travel, you won't be able to enjoy the holiday while nursing him, and it is likely that he'll need medical attention while you are away (eg to check if you are worried about wound infection) which will not be covered by insurance and could be very expensive. His choices are to have the surgery on that date and cancel the holiday and lose the money, or have the holiday followed by the surgery a few weeks later.

Ywbvu

i’m sure the surgery can be moved to after the holiday but how much longer will he be waiting?

I don’t think dh is unreasonable to want the op asap however once he’s realised the money for the holiday is lost he may change his mind

is changing the dates of the holiday an option? Might be nice in spring in Madeira

YABU to delay the op. It's the holiday that needs to be postponed or cancelled. I have a similar condition in one hand (I have mild CP) though thankfully such an extreme solution has not been floated.

But I can well understand why he doesn't want to postpone the surgery - if you've been told you need an amputation, I'd want to get that over and done with asap and not have it hanging over my head whilst on holiday, poor man. Flying off on holiday 2 days after you've had an amputation sounds like absolute madness and more or less a cast-iron guarantee you'll both have a miserable, stressful holiday.

Postpone the holiday. Take no notice of DH

He'll be pleased once he realises how challenging recovery is

You need to pick one. Ask the nhs if they can delay but you might wait ages. But you cannot go on holiday two days after major surgery, that’s obvious. If they can’t change the date, then you claim what you can and try again.

you said you book several holidays a year so this isn’t exactly a once in a lifetime thing and you clearly have the funds to book something else once he’s recovered.

I can’t see him being considered fit to fly. It’s not so much about increased risk of infection, but the increased risk of swelling and blood clots, and lack of access to specialist after-care, plus airline rules on flying with a cast. I would expect him to have a follow up appointment a week or so after the surgery anyway.

And clearly the travel insurance won’t cover him for post-surgery complications so you’d be relying on GHIC. Getting home (at your own expense) without flying is at least slightly feasible from mainland Portugal, but not so much from Madeira.

Really, your DH is being unrealistic - but who can blame the man for wanting his surgery and his holiday?

The best thing to do is bring the holiday forward if you can. But otherwise just say “mmm let’s hope the surgeon and the airline both say it’s OK” until the appointment. After then you’ll really know what you’re dealing with.

If, after being told no way, he’s still planning to go, then you have a whole different problem on your hands!

And, as the pp said, a cancellation isn’t unlikely. So it makes sense (unless you manage to move the holiday) to hang onto it. It’s absolutely devastating to have surgery cancelled so hopping on a plane a couple of days later would help take the sting out.

Your mistake was posting in AIBU, and not framing this as “Is DH being unreasonable”. Keyboard warriors with limited comprehension skills and no empathy love a pile on.

To go on the holiday just after the surgery would be ridiculous even if your holiday insurance covered any possible complications developing, which I bet it wouldn't.

If the surgery could be postponed just for 2 or 3 weeks that would be the best option. If not, you’ll have to rebook the holiday and suck up any cost involved.

Many do allow it but subject to restrictions, for example whether the cast is split or not and there might be a minimum time limit between application and flying..in some instances there is a 48 hour rule which might be a factor here.

It varies from airline to airline and the airline can deny boarding on the day if the crew aren't happy with the situation.

The OP/DH really needs to check with the carrier as well as the medics involved.

This is either a deliberately obtuse way of reading the OP or you have comprehension issues. Which I actually think is the same for many of the people replying to the OP. It is clear from her first post that she suggested cancelling/moving the holiday but it is her DH who wants to have the surgery on the proposed date then immediately go on holiday. Your quote is the OP’s response to him wanting both the surgery and the holiday.

@chocolatebiscuitforme you sound kind and sensible. You’re in a tricky position with a DH who is understandably frustrated due to the effects of his condition. I think you are right, you either cancel/move the holiday at cost or change the date of the surgery, the two things cannot happen that close together.

Very good point!!

He really won’t be well enough.

But I think we all should have a bit more sympathy for someone facing surgery to amputate part of their body. It must be very scary to be contemplating this.

So I can see why he’s invested in pretending that everything will be OK.

You won’t be able to fly with a cast on - airlines don’t allow it

The insurance premium when you declare the surgery will be high as the chances of needing medical care is high. Your DH is going to have to choose whether to forgo the holiday and lose the money, or ask how long until the next surgery date. It would be silly to travel abroad so soon after the surgery. I’ve had quite a few surgeries, and know how easy it is for complications to set in. If that happens, you want to be near home and the surgeons that did the op, not abroad looking for emergency health care.

I personally think going on holiday and postponing the surgery is the best thing.

I get that dh wants the surgery quickly, but can he speak to the consultant and delay it by two weeks. Although important, surely two weeks won’t make a huge difference.

Insurance may be difficult so close to an operation, and he probably won’t feel like flying. I find that general anaesthetic alone makes me feel sleepy for a few days, and he could be in alot of pain.

Please read the bloody thread. You are just showing yourself up for commenting and not reading.

Another tip: don’t cancel the holiday just in case his surgery is cancelled at the last minute. If it’s not covered by your insurer anyway you may as well leave your arrangements in place.

If thia was reversed you would be told whatever surgery you want comes first and he should just get on with it

It’s possible your insurer will decline cover for any post-op issues related to his surgery if he travels in any case, partly due to the proximity of your dates to his surgery and because they’ve already told you they deem it to be elective. You’d be mad to travel without insurance. It’s also possible the airline would require a fit to fly note from the surgeon. Have you asked the surgeon whether they’d be willing to do that so near to his surgery? Again unlikely. I am assuming they’d expect to see him back in clinic the following week for post-op checks or dressing changes.

I had to make a similar call when I was offered a cancellation date for surgery at short notice. I’d been ready for the surgery and on a theatre waiting list due to the COVID backlog for 14 months. One consideration that swung my decision was that a surgery date later in the winter could be bumped or cancelled due to NHS winter pressures. I took the slot offered and let my holiday go, uninsured (edit: because my insurer also deemed it elective) so no refund.

How much would your husband’s surgery cost if he went private? Is it more or less than your £2K holiday. That may help weigh the value of the imminent surgery date if there’s a risk he goes back on a long list. Also consider the value of his improved quality of life? Is it more or less than a notional £2K?

It feels like you’re not seeing the bigger picture here.

Some things in life are more important than money and holidays.

This is one of them.

I know of a person who cancelled their NHS hip replacement operation because of a relative's wedding that they would otherwise have missed. The waiting list was so long, that after that, they never did actually get the operation, as they were too unwell. The initial date for the operation came up quite quickly, but it didn't the second time.

Your DH not being able to cut up his own food and dress easily is a big deal! I can see why he wants to crack on with trying to get his hand fixed.