To think school should’ve let me keep ds4 back a year?

Totally agree. Things that you and I as a cm/nanny have taught many children

the school where my friend works as a ta in R - no pull ups /nappies unless sen

so i wondered if @BulletinGuru send her son in pants and wet many times or a pull up

Hi op
im sorry for the some of the harsher replies on here
of course no one knows what the OP has actually tried to do to prepare her DC. Not every Sen child is noted by age 4- or other issues. Some children are just more delayed than others. Unless you know she hasn’t tried maybe lay of the bad parenting comments.

Think you mean England, not the UK.

41/2 year olds should be able to remove clothes wipe and redress. Especially with elastic trousers and velcro shoes. My not yet 3 year olds have all done that.

Does the school allow pull ups ?

obv they can’t change him if get wet 2-3 times a day

I don't think there's anything unusual in him being clingy and crying. 3 or 4 kids in my DS's reception cried every day for the first half term. Several others would have pretty regular tearful days but all got a lot less by summer.

I do think you need to get on top of potty training first. He's still under the HV until 5, so make an appointment and come up with a plan with them.
Personally, I'd wait until half term and swap pull ups for real pants. Assuming he doesn't have additional needs, he'll soon learn being wet isn't nice. (Pull ups are so absorbent that he won't feel wet so there is no pressure for him to learn.)

I really wouldn't worry about reading or writing until you get feedback from the school on how he's doing. Basic school readiness is your aim this term.

@Bluebigclouds
Well she clearly hasn’t tried hard enough! Unless there is a medical reason no 4.5 year old should be in pull ups! It’s entirely a parenting issue! 🙄

I'm so confused about how many DS's there actually are?

There is no way you'd be allowed to defer a February born in my LA. So the best thing you can do is work on his confidence and security.

What have the school said about pull ups?

The OP has clearly explained she has tried potty training - it's not like she's just not bothered.
It's not ideal but overall it doesn't mean he's being failed. I'm sure he will get there.

How does he display his anxiety? It's pretty normal for a lo to pull back from new situations. Was he in a private nursery with lots of others his age or mainly younger children?
If he doesn't want to do something and starts screaming what do you do, lots of cuddles, oh dears and give in or an upbeat come on it will be fine?

Obviously, it's a bit of a shame if he's not enjoying it. But the poor lad has been there a WEEK. That's nothing.
Speaking as a reception teacher myself, I've often had kids who will cry daily until Christmas and then some. It's completely normal.
As for "struggling with writing", that's what they go to school to learn! That doesn't make him unusual/special.
And if he's a February birthday, he would actually be considered in the older half of the year. He's been 4 for over 6 months at this point. He's not a "new 4" like a child with a July or August birthday is. Not to mention, the number of children in the class who are already 5 is likely zero. The year starts on the 1st September. My birthday is the 29th September, and I was always the 3rd or 4th oldest out of 60 kids in primary school.

As for still needing a dummy, and not being toilet trained, that's an issue for you do deal with. There's no reason why a "normal" 4 and a half year old should be in daytime pull-ups. None at all.

My daughter has just started year 5 and there’s a few boys in her class who are still clingy at the gate and cry and say they don’t want to go. No SEN (I’m friends with the parents).

It’s not just down to age; he could just be an anxious child and deferring him, even if you could, won’t help.

You really must get him out of nappies though.

Let him have tantrums and screaming. Thats what kids do when they dont get their own way.

Sorry OP but this is a you problem! Unless he has special needs, he certainly should be toilet trained and not having a dummy. Do you think you are babying him too much?

September, October, November, December, January, February; first 6 months of the school year, therefore, kids born in these months are the older half of the year

March, April, May, June, July, August; second 6 months of the school year, kids born in these months are in the younger half of the year.

Not sure how you can argue with that.

He would be one of the older children. They turn 5 during Reception not before.

This sounds more of a home issue than a age/school issue. You could ask teacher what they think you could do at home to help him through this.

@BulletinGuru we had similar issues but with the baby bottle.

I told my daughter there’s a baby outside and he’s crying because he needs a bottle and if she places it outside for the baby and says bye to the bottle forever he would leave her a gift.

She was more than happy to leave the bottle and was happy with her gift and did ask for it at bedtime, but we reminded her it was now with a baby who needed it and he was happy that she had parted with it and she was fine.

With the potty training, you just have to keep at it, as I mentioned in my other post my daughter refused to poo in the toilet and would have a meltdown if we didn’t let her do it in her pull ups, we mastered it early this year.

Is there anyone in your family who can help you out? Sounds like you have so much in your plate xx

Agree with this! Why kick her when she’s already down and reaching out for help!

Why have you not prepared your child for starting school? The dummy and nappies should have been gone years ago! 3 is too old let alone 4! How is he ‘one of the youngest’ when he is closer to 5 than 4? Some kids might have only turned 4 last week.

People will be judgmental when a little boy is being failed by his parents, and rightly so. What’s more important - protecting OP’s feelings, or the physical wellbeing and development of a child?

Stop having babies and start parenting the children you have!

Nothing you've said suggests he would hate school once settled. A lot you've said sounds like when I try he rebels so I give in. So he wets his pants you stick him in nappies why? Get him taking his clothes off cleaning up putting dirty in wash bag redressing....he won't do it tough no playing until you do. Do you chase him with food? Feed him? Does he tidy up toys...made fun...? Can he put his shoes and coat on? Parenting is giving independence.

I think it's more the idea she thinks he's a little baby and too young in general and is holding him back because he cries so she gives in.

you sound like the issue and are babying him as he's not the youngest by far. This is all a bit odd. he needs to be allowed to grow up - let Santa take his dummy for starters.

Please don't taje this the wrong way, it's not in any way nasty. Why is a 4 and a half year old still in nappies? You might need to get some support with parenting.