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Original poster

People just turning up at house

211 replies

Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 13:08

I feel like this may be a mixture of being on my period and having only managed to get to sleep at 4:30am last night but I digress...

my FIL and BIL just turned up completely out of the blue to our house. I was slobbing on the sofa in my pajamas with unwashed hair, the kids aren't dressed - generally our house is fairly tidy most of the time but I had a busy day out with the kids yesterday and
got back late so the kitchen is a mess and it's just not "guest" ready.

It was one of those really personal moments where I felt so comfortable just slobbing around with my own little family and we were all happy doing our own thing and now I have to suddenly be "on" as well as worrying about being judged for my hairy legs etc 🤣

Am I being unreasonable for feeling really irritated? I could very will be and will accept it if I am... it's not early in the morning, we're all pretty close and I get on with them very well I just could have done with a heads up y'know?

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 06/09/2025 13:54

I can’t stand locking myself in during the day! But OP I would be hugely annoyed too and also embarrassed ( yes it’s your own home etc)

Moveoverdarlin · 06/09/2025 13:54

I just think in this day and age there’s no excuse for not sending a quick text / WhatsApp message.

‘Me and Dan are out and about this morning, so will pop in and say hello. Be with you in 30 mins.’

That is literally all it takes.

I hate people popping round unannounced. It’s so bloody rude.

CalzoneOnLegs · 06/09/2025 13:53

It’s totally rude and selfish, like their needs completely trump yours, no respect for your time or your privacy.

NoThanksNeeded · 06/09/2025 13:51

On MN this is the height of rudeness. In RL it's what people do

And if you leave your door unlocked that's basically an invitation for people to just walk in...

Katemax82 · 06/09/2025 13:51

My in laws used to do this shit to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME! had we have not locked our doors they would have just walked in. It's not happened since fil died funnily enough

Sunnyscribe · 06/09/2025 13:50

I wouldn't like this. I wouldn't like the lack of invitation or notice or that they let themselves in. I've had this issue in the past with my in laws, agonized over what to do, then just told them in polite words that I wasn't comfortable with it, it stopped, and I presume everyone is happy. I know I am at least.

I think people have different views on this issue. Lots of people are happy to have surprise visits and for others to let themselves in, lots of people aren't.

Cherrysoup · 06/09/2025 13:46

Change the lock for a Yale which locks when closed. People just walking in is extremely inconsiderate. Ask your Dh to speak to them about giving a heads up and actually-shock, horror-asking if it’s convenient.

Nostylequeen · 06/09/2025 13:45

I hate this. Fortunately we live sooooo far away from family that they would have pre arrange to come by, and friends don’t do this as everyone understands and probably hates it too. So damn rude and I would have shown them how irritated I was

JDM625 · 06/09/2025 13:45

Why is your door unlocked???

OP- these threads always bring out the people saying 'well they are family, of course they can just pop in any time blah blah blah!'

I completely agree that its rude to not at least text to check its ok. We recently renovated and MIL would bring randoms to our house, then tell to show them around! WTF. By randoms, I mean her neighbour we'd never met and another time 3 people met that day at a plant fayre!

The next time we saw her drive up unannounced with randoms, DH stopped her at the gate and sent them packing. Yes, there is a great deal more to the family dynamics. She now at least texts beforehand and has never brought a random along since.

RosesAndHellebores · 06/09/2025 13:44

I wouldn’t mind but I'm always up and dressed by 8am. But, a knock and walking in without waiting for the door to be opened and to be invited in crosses a massive boundary afaiac. They'd not do that at my house more than once. Insufferably rude

Fionasapples · 06/09/2025 13:43

YANBU, I don't like unexpected visitors. I don't mind if they are just calling for a reason and not expecting to come in, but my in laws used to turn up unexpectedly and expect to stay for hours. It really annoyed me.

Original poster
Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 13:39

I'm 100% heeding the advice to keep the door locked from now on!

OP posts:
Happiestathome · 06/09/2025 13:39

No one comes to our house unless prearranged. I’d be in a constant state of anxiety and unrest if I thought at any moment someone could walk in. I’m aware that’s not the norm to feel that way, but for me it’s a definite no. I need this protected space to be myself and not feel under pressure.

Original poster
Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 13:38

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/09/2025 13:35

So why not lock the door? Confused

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We had a delivery a little bit earlier and I just didn't think to lock it again. It wasn't a conscious decision 🤣

The house is kind of out of the way and if we're all in I don't worry too much about having the door unlocked really - definitely something I need to change!

OP posts:
tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/09/2025 13:37

PollyBell · 06/09/2025 13:32

I presume the husband lives there as it's his house as well? so he can answer instead?

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But OP says the door was unlocked so they walked straight in.

I would hate people walking into my house so my door is always locked. I can then answer and make an excuse if I can't be arsed, or let them in if it's someone I'm happy to see.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/09/2025 13:35

Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 13:13

Just to add they did a little knock and walked straight in so I was literally lying on the sofa like a goblin when they came in the living room

Show quote history

So why not lock the door? Confused

WonderingWanda · 06/09/2025 13:33

Where was your dh? I would've told my dh to take them out somewhere.

Original poster
Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 13:32

I totally get the people saying they wouldn't mind it. Honestly on a more normal day it probably wouldn't have annoyed me at all.

It's just one of those sleepy kind of days where I kept thinking right - go and sort the house and yourself and the kids and the more I tried to make myself do it the less inclined I was 😂

We are very close but it just made me feel so exposed and embarrassed of how I looked. I felt indecent 😂

OP posts:
PollyBell · 06/09/2025 13:32

BeeCucumber · 06/09/2025 13:29

Easy. Keep your door locked. If someone knocks, feel free to ignore or answer the door and send them on their way if you so wish. It’s not difficult.

I presume the husband lives there as it's his house as well? so he can answer instead?

BeeCucumber · 06/09/2025 13:29

Easy. Keep your door locked. If someone knocks, feel free to ignore or answer the door and send them on their way if you so wish. It’s not difficult.

OhShesSweetButAPsycho · 06/09/2025 13:26

YANU. I would be irritated too. It’s very rude of them to just turn up unannounced like that.

Nextdoormat · 06/09/2025 13:22

I don't think it's rude, all my family do this, and I do this to my family. If I was in my pj's so what I would just go and put the kettle on. We live in a small village and everyone just "pops in" .

CalzoneOnLegs · 06/09/2025 13:20

@Canipetthatdawg78 No !! door locked from now on how rude of them

TomatoSandwiches · 06/09/2025 13:19

I'm one of those MNetters that doesn't answer my front door unless I know someone is coming.

My door would have been locked, they are both very rude to do this imo, I would have marched them both right back out whilst telling them it's not a convenient time.

Imperfectpolly · 06/09/2025 13:18

I have some family that do this so I always feel the need to have the house and me some way decent. That in no way means we are perfect, just that I won't be ashamed when someone turns up.

It's an inconvenience but at the same time I'm happy that they feel welcome and thay they can just turn up.