People just turning up at house

Be glad someone wants to see you. Many don't have family close by to just pop in! Speaking from experience here. I would love it!!

Speak for yourself. And it's not about 'appointments' (yawn), it's about respect for people's time. It was all very well and good to just turn up on someone's doorstep when there were no other means of communication, but in this day and age it's polite/considerate to check first whether it's convenient to visit.

I wouldn't like it either and would ask them in future to at least text an hour before setting off, even if they won't go to the lengths of asking if it's convenient! But I bet you didn't look as bad as you think. Relaxed and homey would be the look.

I come from a time before mobiles and not many people even had home phones. Sundays were "drop in day" and I remember my parent hating it.

you can't walk into my house without a key. I am always surprised when others have a door that gets left unlocked. I can latch mine up so it won't close if needed.

Is this a typically English man home is his castle type of feeling? Lived in other countries and never heard of this anti visitor policy until here . Nothing wrong with it if you feel this way but it is maybe why the English have a reputation for being formal.

I typically wouldn't have texted ahead as I wouldn't want people to feel like they did have to make an effort . I want to see them , not judge their housekeeping or style at home . And if they were dying hair , waxing , it would be fine to say fuck off I'm having a maintenance day .

I am not sure i care how my PIL see me.... they visited a few hours after giving birth so they saw me looking rough. They also stay overnight and we go to them....mil brings me a cup of tea so sees me in my pjs and rough hair.... she also bought me maternity pads when I was desperate.....

Perhaps our relationship isn't the norm.. i truly like my in laws.... . but they also know if they turned up unannounced they will be making the tea and probably do the washing up....

I feel the exact same way as you. If someone turned up unannounced it would unsettle me. I'd have to ask them politely (but firmly) if they could let me know in advance that they are coming round in the future.

I’d hate this SO much.
In fact I’d have walked upstairs and shouted my partner to come greet his surprise family. Took a bath and my sweet sweet time.
BUT: I live alone and this is one of the reasons that I’ve never married. I know it sounds extreme, so no need to point that out 😂

I find it a bit weird and inconsiderate that some people just randomly turn up at relatives' houses. I would never do that. I always call first to see if it's a good time for them to have visitors or not. My own relatives afford me the same courtesy. I do the same with friends as well.

I absolutely do let people know in advance that I'd like to visit. What's normal for you definitely isn't normal for everyone else in the whole real world.

It’s surely only good manners to at least phone first.

I would never mind very close family/sons in law calling without warning, but it’s never happened.

Could you just say, give us a heads up if you're thinking of calling in as we might not be in or busy with something. That would really annoy me.

This is literally how my whole family and friendship group work! We drop by each others houses.
We don't expect to "be hosted" we sit and chat, occasionally a hot drink will be offered but that's not mandatory.

The whole booking an appointment to see family seems very weird to be

I already mentioned my MIL bringing randoms to our home up thread. Another unannounced visit was when she brought along DH's step-father who we can't stand for many reasons.

I'd just put a colour in my hair and was tinting my eye brows. I had cling film around my head, just knickers and an old beach towel around me and looked like a demented clown. DH was mowing so couldn't hear them, but there was absolutely no way I was answering the door like that!

I’d have not opened the door lol. Unless someone is dying and there’s no other way to reach me, do not come to my house unless prearranged. I don’t mine my nieces and nephews doing it because they’re kids and sometimes they need me, but if anyone else no.

Well on the plus side, they’re obviously fairly laid back if you’re on MN rather than entertaining them OP.

You need to have door that locks @Canipetthatdawg78

yes I know you didn’t lock it after a delivery (page hasn’t refreshed) but if you don’t want unwanted guests walking in ……

bloody hell, imagine if you can't even have sex with your own husband on the sofa because in-laws might decide, not only to pop in, but to walk in. Who does that.

That might be a way to put them off, but if they are that rude, probably not 😂

I can assure you I live in the real world and it very much isn't normal for anyone I know.

When I was a child this happened, but that was 1960s and 70s when hardly anyone we knew had telephones and my parents certainly didn't have one so pre- arrangement was difficult.

It’s rude of them. You don’t just turn up unexpectedly at someone’s house, give a little knock and walk in. I’m astounded that anyone at all thinks this is okay. If I’m waxing my legs or clearing the loft or or I already have guests or I’m doing a bit of yoga, I don’t want someone just turning up! Tbh, I’d just say it’s not a good time and can they give me a heads up next time. I just wouldn’t let them think it was fine so that they’d expect to do it a second or third time.

YANBU!

My Stepmum (I absolutely adore her) turned up at my house when my DS was about two weeks old; we were resting in bed after a sleepless night and her sudden arrival set my dog off barking and woke DS up!

To her credit, she did feel terrible about it and hasn’t sprung a surprise visit on me since

Oh for goodness sake

My brother and sister-in-law just turned up at our house without any warning. I was welcoming and hospitable but inside I was hacked off because I could have tidied up a bit if I'd known. I was dressed and able to receive visitors without dashing upstairs, but I just felt flustered and at a total disadvantage. They could have sent a WA to say "We're in your area, see you soon" at the very least...

They've never done it since, so possibly some of the hacked off feeling made it to the surface. Still on good terms though fortunately