People just turning up at house

I’m pretty relaxed so I don’t feel intruded upon: if people choose to visit me unannounced they can’t expect me to be “guest ready”. What irritates me is the lack of respect for my time.

I work full time and have stuff going on at the weekends so someone “popping in” would very likely be a real inconvenience as it would delay whatever was happening. I think it’s pretty selfish to just assume everyone can spare the time in a busy life.

Thankfully no one I know does this.

Yep. With some people if you try to point out you’re too busy to host it’s all ‘Oh, I don’t mind, just carry on with what you’re doing, pretend I’m not here’ etc etc. Uh, so what’s the point of you being here, then?

I honestly think popper-inners often waste their own time by not simply checking if it’s convenient.

Mostly, hate it, judging by the voting.

Since you have already agreed to this sort of behaviour over a number of years your example is not relevant.

OP has not agreed to it and it is not the norm in her family, so it's simply rude.

I do think this is one of those love it or hate it.

It’s very much the norm among my family/friends to just pop in, always has been from us being kids, so it doesn’t bother me at all.

Absolutely. I never answer the door unless I want to.

and the ridiculous "just continue what you were doing, I am happy following you while you do"

I need privacy to wax my bikini line, thank you
I need privacy to make confidential calls for work, I could get sacked if I was sharing information, thank you
I want silence or to listen to my music, not having to discuss your random nonsense about your neighbours or whatever boring subject you come up with

I CANT do what I was planning on doing if you are in my way, simple. At worst, I can babysit your dog, he'll play with mine, but no human, there are enough in my house as soon as they finish school and work.

It sounds eminently sensible to me! 😁

Yes. And at absolute minimum text them and ask if it's ok if you pop round.

The reason some people don't do that is they want to be able to override other people's needs and wishes to suit themselves and have no intention of taking no for an answer.

People do this because they don't want you to be able to say "No thanks" to a visit. There is no other reason.

Exactly. They play on the fact that most people will be too embarrassed to turn them away when they’re actually on the doorstep.

Nothing worse than feeling you have to be rooted to the sofa for a few hours, entertaining drop ins, is there? Especially when there are things to be done.

I’d hate someone just dropping in, it takes no time to send a text message and be like is it okay to come over?
It’s the expectation that you’re going to drop whatever it is your doing, even just slobbing out to cater to them with no consideration of whether it was a good time for you

It could be as simple as juggling working and child care for the entire summer holidays, which is great, but is exhausting, not having 1mn of peace for yourself because you are either working, or entertaining the kids.

The house is finally quiet and empty, you take a 15mn break with a coffee to breath and BAM, Linda decided she was bored and needed entertaining and comes to talk your ears off. No, just no.

Or you have a million things to do, and must be done by a certain time. Do you need interruption and messing up your entire day, or having to give up your run to make up for the wasted time?

Again, no, just no.

Leave people alone, they are busy, if they want to see you, they invite you.
Invite them first: coffee at my place tomorrow at 10, and see what they reply!

My BIL knocked our door before 9 yesterday when I was still in bed and DH was in the shower, I just didn’t answer it 😂

My absolute pet hate is people just turning up without ringing or texting first. They get a bit of a frosty reception when I open the door. I never just rock up to anyone's home, it's rude.
My OH has sometimes forgot to tell me his Dad is on his way round (ADHD brain) and when I open the door I'm poe faced with a 'Are you ok?' not a 'Oh hello!' 🤣

Nah.

People do this because they don't want you to be able to say "No thanks" to a visit. There is no other reason.

And yes, you do need to lock your door properly.

🙄🙄🙄

I hear you, but would you be just as keen on a spontaneous pop-in if you were in the bath/shower/the toilet/cooking a meal/sitting with a face mask on and the doorbell rang at that exact moment, and they could have checked if it was convenient but hadn't bothered?

By that logic nobody should ever complain about anything then.

HRTWT but just wanted to add my FIL used to do this regularly and I hated it. Then one day (prior to DC) I had locked the door, gone in the shower and I was naked upstairs carrying and fetching my stuff while my lotion dried on my skin. And in he walks! He had a bloody key I didn't know about!!! Opened the door and waltzed on in! Let's just say he's never ever done it again 😅

The trouble is, some people do turn up unannounced and expect you to drop everything and host them. I remember this happening a lot in my family when I was younger, no mobiles then but practically everyone was on the phone, and able to ring beforehand and check it was convenient, and they didn't. I always used to think it was inconsiderate to just turn up and expect us to jettison our plans for the day and start rattling teacups instead.

In any of the countries I have lived in, I have never heard that it was not rude to expect people to drop whatever they were doing to host someone who think their own time is more important?

I wouldn't want people to feel like they did have to make an effort .
Even if the house is a show-home (and mine is always "visitor-ready" because I can't stand mess), having to change my plans and reschedule my day for you IS an effort, why can't people see that?

Would you turn up unannounced in someone's office in the middle of the day to have a cuppa?
No.
Why do you think it's acceptable in their own home?

So many different feelings about this . I would hate to think I ever did this to someone and made them feel angry , upset or anxious. Guess you have to tell people how you feel as obviously others don't feel the same way and don't realise .

"My own little family" makes you sound like Snow White.

It's nothing to do with being "formal" and everything to do with having consideration for the other person and their plans.

I don't want people turning up at my door when I'm having a lazy day on the sofa, or feeling under the weather, or maybe cooking lunch or doing DIY. It's rude to just assume someone can drop everything and host you without the slightest bit of warning.