People just turning up at house

No way. Feck off. Let me know beforehand so at least I can hide and not answer the door

No one comes over unless it's been pre-planned. Letting themselves in to someone else's home, even if related, is 100% unacceptable. It doesn't matter what state you were in, they were not invited and they were intruding. Whatever they could have walked in, they were interrupting it. Not acceptable behavior and they should be told so.

Happens to me all the time.

Only time it's been a bit embarrassing was when DS, DIL & children turned up on their way to somewhere else (we're 10 mins off Mway junction so easy to drop in) DH & me were having a 'lie down' We heard them calling 'Hello' emerged from bedroom in dressing gowns, was probably obvious that we weren't sleeping..... <wink>

Since then the message has gone out to call before popping in. We've also learned to lock the back door before we have a 'lie down' in the afternoon. LOL!

I find it bizarre that you describe it as an “appointment”. You make an appointment with your doctor or solicitor. Surely with family or friends it’s just making arrangements? A simple case of making sure you’re all free and it’s convenient?

I don’t understand how some people care so little about wasting their own time, even if they don’t care about impinging on someone else’s. It’s all very well boasting about how relaxed and “come one, come all” you are, but surely sometimes if you “just pop in”, the people you’re popping in on aren’t actually… well, in? It seems an awful waste of time to go over to someone’s house with no idea of whether they’ll even be in, never mind if they’ll be free, when you could just drop them a text saying “I’ll be over your way tomorrow morning if you fancy a coffee?”.

pretend I’m not here’ etc etc.
OK then....
Them "pretend I am not here"
therefore
Me to DH "I bloody hope PINH doesn't turn up again today its such a pain in the arse"
and to gobsmacked PINH "oh gosh well you did say to pretend you weren't here..."

Right, mum's sister used to visit at the same time each week, my dad and brothers and I visited my gran at the same time every fortnight, and for anything more impromptu, we just phoned people.

Yep. My granny lived in a tiny little village where everyone knew each other but you didn't just pop by unannounced. She had friends who would come by at the same time every week, but that was their routine and she knew they were coming. People turning up unannounced when she was busy used to send her mad. We had one neighbour she used to dread coming around because she wouldn't take the hint and go if it wasn't convenient. Even having your coat on, ready to go out the door didn't put her off!

My parents and brother live near each other and are in and out of each other's houses constantly. My cousins were the same.

I live further afield for they don't generally risk it with me, but it's always perfectly acceptable to say, "can't invite you in, we're in the middle of something" if it's a bad time.

I have neighbours who sometimes pop in, it's not something that bothers me. If it's not convenient I just say so. As do they.

You’ll have to show me where I said anything like that? In fact I explicitly said I think it’s a love it or hate it thing.

I truly don’t care what anonymous strangers think as I’m not visiting them and they aren’t visiting me, hope that helps you x

Honestly, this never happened with anybody I knew, although it was the 70s and 80s not the 50s. Nobody ever turned up like that except on sitcoms, we always phoned everyone in advance. As a small child we would knock at our friend's door to see if they were coming out to play, but we didn't expect to be allowed in to play, it was out you go. I had one friend who didn't have a phone so sometimes I would turn up at her door, but apart from that I would just always phone them first. I just don't know anybody who does this and have never known anybody who did this - obviously they do exist though!

no one is asking you to agree - but you are trying to shut up people who don't.

Do you feel a bit miffed to read that most people find unwanted visitors a nuisance?

My bil frequently visits and knocks the door and it drives me mad. If the doors unlocked, come in!!! Thats how my family is. My late mother would have been horrified at me chapping her door or booking a "slot" to visit her 😂

This isn't the 1950's when people would pop in with a "coee!" holding an empty sugar bowl (what happened to those btw 🤔)
They should absolutely be dropping you a text/Facebook message/WhatsApp beforehand!

I’m in a relationship with someone from a “appointment to visit” family where you plan in advance, however I’m from a “I was going past/insert any other reason so thought I’d pop in” family. He finds it mental when my lot rock up unannounced but no one thinks bad of him if he disappears upstairs to chill out when they’re there, he doesn’t have to entertain anyone. I find it totally bananas that he needs to text his own mum in advance to see her, like that’s your home, just go there! I think if your in-laws are like my family then to them it’s the most reasonable thing just popping in, and to them it’s rude not to. I can see your point of view but to be honest, only because I’ve been with my partner for so long & adjusted a bit to his “normal” when he first was shocked at my dad arriving at our house for no particular reason on a Tuesday night I couldn’t understand the issue at all.

Instead of addressing the OPs question or considering any of the facts, she's simply stated her own preference based only on her own small bubble. I think we can safely assume she is not very adept at considering other people's comfort or feelings if they don't match her own, and is very likely one of those rude popper inners with a hide like a rhinocerous.

Do you never have things to do that these visits would interrupt?

I live on my own and get lonely at times, but there is no way I want people turning up on my doorstep at some random time. As far as I am concerned solitude is bliss.

Leave your DH to host them. They're his family.

Again, where on the post did it say “only reply if you agree”? Could you show me please, I must have missed that :)

I have a sternly worded notice on my front door to the effect that I do not entertain salespeople/chuggers/religious or political discussion and that callers are admitted by appointment only. If someone is rude or stupid enough to ignore my notice and knock anyway they are risking a very frosty response along the lines of "Do you have problems reading and understanding English?"

So by not acknowledging them or opening the door I am really doing them a favour and saving them from harsh words. This also includes neighbours who are simply randoms who happen to live next door.

A bit of guilt tripping there. Even lonely people would probably be a bit pissed off if someone just walked into their house without anyt warning before they were washed and dressed.

Loads of people hate unexpected visitors. Why not text and check that it is OK to come round? It's pretty rude to walk in uninvited.

Ah, I must have missed the bit where you decided you were the only person with anything relevant to say & that when someone rationally points out in an online discussion why you are incorrect you decide that - as you don't actually have any relevant response - only you are allowed to discuss anything in an online discussion 😂

or, instead of randomly insulting one poster, you could read the thread and see how many people actually agree with them?

I think the popper-inners have too much time and are bored, they don't realise that everyone else is busy!

I get someone retired and lonely needs company, but invite people or ask when you can come and visit, (dont' drop in!), volunteer, join a group, an OAP club, do something.

Ah I must have missed the bit where you were the only person with anything relevant to say & that you had already decided the only appropriate answer- on an online discussion 😂