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Original poster

Dealing with a sulky husband

34 replies

theyoungishman · 06/09/2025 04:01

We had a silly argument this morning about who was going to make coffee. It ended up being another argument about mental load. We both work full-time although I am currently taking one day's carers leave a week to look after my terminally ill Dad. We have one tween daughter.

I feel like I do a lot around the house and I would like both my husband and daughter to pitch in a little bit more. When I broached the subject he immediately got defensive and shut down the conversation and accused me of 'bringing this up again'. I told him the reason I'm bringing it up again is because it still hasn't been resolved no matter how many times I've raised in the past! I made a list of what we each do in terms of jobs and responsibilities but he refused to even look at it. I remained calm and never yelled at him, just asked to to discuss as an adult.

I make all of the dinners from scratch, make lunches for everybody, do all of the washing, take care of anything to do with my daughter e.g new clothes, decluttering, school things, appointments.. I also do all of the meal planning and shopping multiple times a week for food and household stuff.

The agreement we had initially was that he would take care of the outside jobs and I would take care of the inside jobs but I think there is much more to do inside! Plus a lot of the time I actually help him with the outdoor things like gardening, cleaning cars- and I could count on one hand how many times he's done either of those this year.

So I know I'm not being unreasonable in asking for this but his argument has always been- as part of my job I have to travel for work probably 4 X 2 week trips per year. During these times he's solely taking care of our daughter- activities drop-offs pickups etc- even though I do prepare all of the meals beforehand for the freezer and get as much as I can done to help him out before I go.

But each time we argue he throws this back in my face and says well you're away for x amount of weeks per year -so basically he thinks he should have to do less at other times because I'm away for work at times and it's 'all on him'.

I'm standing my ground but I'm starting to wonder if I am actually being unreasonable in what I'm asking of him? He's stormed out of the house in a huff without saying goodbye or telling us where he is going

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 06/09/2025 04:46

Just stop. Honestly, he’s an arse, but do you even have a bloody backbone? No wonder men still think they can get away with this crap. I hope to god you don’t have sons.

MustardGlass · 06/09/2025 04:39

Sounds like he could go away for the equal amount of time as you and you wouldn’t even notice.

BCBird · 06/09/2025 04:39

Stop the bulk meal.prep for when you are away. He has got no idea what life is like for you if he can simply fetch something from the freezer. Your daughter will be fine for 2 weeks. Yiur husband needs to do more. Give yiur daughter some responsibility.

Briningitallin · 06/09/2025 04:39

I understand you wanting to look out for your daughter. On a day to day basis, there are things you do for him, which you can stop doing. His washing for example.

Original poster
theyoungishman · 06/09/2025 04:31

Thanks for the responses so far. We do have a cleaner that comes once a fortnight which is great but I do the in between cleans and keep on top of things daily. The cleaning is not so much an issue as the day-to-day household running meal planning and shopping etc.

The reason I leave meals when I'm going away is mainly so my daughter still has nutritious food to eat and I feel better about doing this for her. If it was just leaving my husband on his own there was no way I would meal prep all of these things

OP posts:
MySweetMaggie · 06/09/2025 04:27

I wouldn't make meals for him for when you are away, or stock the fridge. Also, get a cleaner and stop doing the outside jobs with him.

You are caring for your terminally ill father and obviously overloaded and need some support. You husband isn't going to be that person to support you unfortunately, but you can cut back on your demands on yourself and just let things be average for your daughter when he is in charge. Maybe lower your standards a bit just for now while you are dealing with such a huge event in your life. I'm so sorry about your Dad.

woolshop · 06/09/2025 04:25

I wouldn’t be worrying about leaving meals prepared and doing extra for while you are away so he can understand how much extra you are doing all the weeks you are at home.

Briningitallin · 06/09/2025 04:24

You are not unreasonable. He’s a lazy sulky arse. I feel extremely indignant on your behalf. How dare he expect someone else to cook, shop, clean wash his clothes, etc., and then get the hump when he’s asked to pull his weight.

What you should do is stop being his servant. Actions speak louder than words. You’ve tried talking to him and it gets you absolutely nowhere. Change tactics.

Lighttodark · 06/09/2025 04:20

Ok, so if he did nothing for 8 weeks a year to equal the 8 you are away, there’s still 36 weeks of the year to split 50/50. What a dickhead.