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AIBU?

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OLD: to go exclusive before discussing it

2 replies

Funnycharlotte · 05/09/2025 23:58

I went on a few dates with a guy #1, it was ok. Not mind-blowing, but I liked him, and we kissed. Then I went on 3 dates with the guy #2 (the third one at his place). All dates with guy #2 were within less than a week. I know it’s fast, but we seem really into each other. I’m actually very rational, and there are things that I don’t love about him, but in general, everything was great.

So I met with guy #1 and told him it wouldn't work out. He is absolutely lovely, and I really liked him. But there were a few reasons why I couldn't imagine our future together (none of them were critical, just the vibe and lifestyle).

Now I'm thinking, did I jump the fence? I was only on 3 dates with the guy #2. We did not discuss exclusivity (for me it starts with sex, but people are different).

Won't I put too much pressure on the potential relationship by neglecting other guys? Should I have an “exclusivity” conversation, which sounds reasonable after sex, but is kinda too soon time-wise? For context, I’m in my late 30s. Both guys are in their 40s and claimed at the beginning they want a serious relationship, so I don't want to just mess around. But also don’t want to move too quickly.

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littleburn · 06/09/2025 06:19

Well it's entirely down to you how many men you're comfortable seeing at a time, but OLD is a numbers game and I really wouldn't assume 3 dates in a week equals a potential relationship.

Stop dating guy 1 if you're not into him, not because you want to focus all your energy and attention on guy 2, who at this stage you barely know. Keep it light and breezy.

Springadorable · 06/09/2025 06:04

Personally once I like someone I don't sleep with someone else. But I know it takes others longer to get to the same point, so I wouldn't have that conversation after a week and it would be a big red flag to me if someone initiated it with me after a week - they hardly know me.
Also, you need to decide if you like people based on their merits, not how they rank against others. Either you like them or you don't.