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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think our wedding might be massive failure?!

282 replies

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 20:17

Hey guys, name change for this...

Will our wedding in a few weeks be a total disaster? The plan for the day:

  1. A morning, Christian ceremony in a rural village church with around 40 adults and 10 children. Our two children will also be in attendance (our DD is only 18 months, very clingy and will likely need to walk down the aisle with me...)

  2. A 40 minute drive to a rural pub located in the middle of a national park

  3. A sit down, relatively casual 2 course meal there (I think a few people want to say a few words but we haven't planned for it as such)

  4. A 20 minute drive to the final venue where guests who are staying will be with us. It has wild swimming in a natural lake, fire pits, hot tubs, and we've got a pizza van coming for evening food and alcohol will be there for when we arrive.

  5. No music is allowed at the final venue (eeeeek). We aren't party animals and I want an early night due to small children, so I'm hoping this might work in our favour? Or is it really boring?!

  6. For the following morning I have arranged for a caterer to come and provide breakfast, leaving for 10:00.

Does this sound okay to you? We are really panicking that it'll be a bit crap due to multiple venues, driving, children and no real plan!!!

EDIT:

You are being unreasonable - it will be fine
You are not being unreasonable - crikey, what a terrible plan that is

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 05/09/2025 21:35

The driving wouldn't bother me, but I do think the lack of music may be a shame.

PrivateMusic · 05/09/2025 21:35

I wouldn’t be too keen on driving to three different places and 40 mins for one of them. Doesn’t sound very well planned tbh. Very disjointed and a I’d imagine a bit flat with no music either.

Esperanza25 · 05/09/2025 21:34

I think it sounds amazing!
The driving wouldn’t bother me at all.

AmyDuPlantier · 05/09/2025 21:31

Honestly, a 40 minute drive then a 20 minute drive and no music…I would do it if I loved you but it sounds a lot of work. Who’s going to wild swim in the evening close to October? And no music? Hmmm.

andfinallyhereweare · 05/09/2025 21:30

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:06

Oh absolutely, a very sensible consideration - but yes, I have allocated people for this!

Show quote history

@35pEnergyDrink remember there will be no music/alcohol at this wedding there will be no shortage of people standing around able to supervise the kids swimming.

Moveoverdarlin · 05/09/2025 21:29

EarringsandLipstick · 05/09/2025 21:25

I really agree with this. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with any individual element but it’s really bitty & complicated. And no music?

does there have to be two venues?

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Technically it’s three…

  1. Church
  2. Rural pub
  3. Final venue

Does seem a bit weird having three venues. Why not stay in the pub? Why have a religious ceremony when you already have young kids?

Nextweektoo · 05/09/2025 21:29

It sounds fantastic. I hope you have a wonderful day

35pEnergyDrink · 05/09/2025 21:28

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:06

Oh absolutely, a very sensible consideration - but yes, I have allocated people for this!

Show quote history

Great! I’m sure the kids will love it

Moveoverdarlin · 05/09/2025 21:26

A 40 minute drive to a pub, where you can’t drink because you have to drive to the next venue, where there is no music. It does all seem a bit dry.

OnetwoThree123456 · 05/09/2025 21:25

I’m sorry but this sounds like a terrible plan. Your guests won’t be able to relax because they will be thinking about the next venue.
guaranteed some people will drop off and do their own thing along the way. People will be late and the timings will fall apart.
also the lack of music doesn’t sound great, how are you going to entertain them?
I don’t think you thought the logistics through very well. Why seperste all the venues? I’m sorry I am being very honest here. Clearly you know this by putting this question on here in the first place.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/09/2025 21:25

Trumpthecant · 05/09/2025 20:26

That doesn’t sound chilled to me. It sounds like a lot of travelling, no relaxing and letting hair down with a drink, and no merriment/dancing. Will anyone actually go wild swimming, or bring their costumes for the hot tub? Sounds more like an 18th. But it’s up to you.

Edited

I really agree with this. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with any individual element but it’s really bitty & complicated. And no music?

does there have to be two venues?

ThePithyFinch · 05/09/2025 21:24

This sounds really lovely. I think the idea of adding in a silent disco is great as some people might want to dance.

The driving wouldn’t put me off at all. Having been to a wedding recently that started at midday and finished at midnight I would’ve really appreciated being able to sit in the car for 40mins away from everyone to have some downtime. Plus not everyone will have to hold off drinking at lunch as surely not everyone will be driving?

Answeringaquestiontonight · 05/09/2025 21:24

Sounds lovely! Have a fabulous time.

nonevernotever · 05/09/2025 21:22

I would love it. Can I come? But then I'm not much of a drinker and dancing leaves me cold, so this sounds perfect. And as others have said people are coming because they love you, and they will be happy because they love you . Whatever happens!

Echobelly · 05/09/2025 21:22

Sounds amazing, and perfect for a small group of people who you are close to. It might not work if you were having to invite Auntie Susan you haven't seen in 23 years and every cousin under the sun, but the point is everyone who is coming is someone who definitely wants to be there, so they won't be picking holes.

DH at one point suggested we have a wedding that involved everyone hiking out to a field for the ceremony, but I pointed out we had 200 guests, some of whom were elderly or had mobility issues, and that an idea only for a small and close group, not wider family and friends.

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:21

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:21

Lol. Don't worry, I've done the same thing!! Haha.

Final post from me - I'll let you all know how it goes!!

Show quote history

All the best. 😘 I genuinely hope it goes well. (I have a feeling it will!)

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:21

MyElatedUmberFinch · 05/09/2025 21:15

I thought there was alcohol at the swimming place.

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There is alcohol at the wedding throughout, but no-one will be able to drink because of all the driving from place to place IYSWIM. At the final venue yes, but not during the wedding/the wedding meal.

Original poster
Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:21

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:14

Posted too quickly, AND triple post - sorry! Blush

Edited
Show quote history

Lol. Don't worry, I've done the same thing!! Haha.

Final post from me - I'll let you all know how it goes!!

OP posts:
rainbowsandraspberrygin · 05/09/2025 21:20

Sounds beautiful! What a lovely wedding! I wouldn’t mind the driving and actually the more outdoorsy and less alcohol is very refreshing. I’m guessing the guests won’t be pressured to be dressed up for the last part. Wild swimming and the venue do sound wonderful. I really want to know where it is but I know you can’t tell us!

how many in total are attending the meal and last part (sorry if I’ve missed that).

BarbarasRhabarberba · 05/09/2025 21:16

As a non-driver I wouldn’t/couldn't go unless there was public transport between venues (doesn’t sound like it) or you were providing transport. I’m guessing in rural Devon there isn’t any public transport. Doesn’t matter how much I liked the couple, if I physically couldn’t get there there’s nothing to be done. I wouldn’t fork out for taxis. The no music and non drinking doesn’t bother me but the moving about sounds like a lot of faff.

Original poster
Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:15

Zov · 05/09/2025 20:55

@Nervousb2b

I'm not saying it will be a disaster, but it's not very well planned out IMO. I mean, 3 different venues, quite a few miles apart? Would not be for me.

The morning ceremony first, and then a 40 minute drive to the pub where you're having the meal (what's that, 25-30 miles?) At the meal, no-one will be able to drink, as they will be having to drive the 20 minutes to the third bit of the event - the night do. (15 miles or so?) And why no music? Confused I have never been to a wedding 'afterparty' with no music!

It all sounds a little bit like hard work to me, and like the day will be long, (morning wedding, so possibly need to be there by 10am or earlier? Then staying til midnight maybe?) Sounds a bit tiring. For the people who aren't staying at your venue, it will be a very long day! (In fact, it will be for everyone really, but worse for those who have to make their way back possibly 40-odd miles at night, after a 12-14 hour wedding!) 😬

As someone who has been to 2 'marathon' weddings this past 2 years. (Midday to midnight,) with big gaps in between 'stages,' I would not like this and would probably turn down the invitation. I would maybe go to the ceremony but not the rest. If you said all or nothing, I wouldn't come. Sorry. You did ask. Blush Two thirds of nearly 300 posters voting in your poll think YABU, (so far,) so it looks like quite a number of people think it's not a very good plan.

@idratherbepaddleboarding

I think it sounds lovely. Can people really not enjoy a nice pub meal without drinking?

Are you being serious right now? You would begrudge people wanting a drink at a WEDDING? A flippin' wedding?! Confused

Mumsnet never fails to disappoint when it comes to batshit comments!

Edited

If you look at my OP...

IABU = No, it'll be fine!

So thankfully, two thirds think it will be alright. But thanks for taking your time to edit your comment to hammer home to me how awful my day is going to be.

But thank you anyway, I did ask for it after all!

OP posts:
MyElatedUmberFinch · 05/09/2025 21:15

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:14

I think they will have to love the bollocks off you to do all that travelling, no drinking at the reception/after-wedding meal, and no music. And it's still a big long tiring day even if people are staying over.

I'm sure it will all be fine though, and as it's people close to you, and who love you, I am sure everyone will turn up, and enjoy it.

Have a good day. Good luck. Flowers

Edited
Show quote history

I thought there was alcohol at the swimming place.

beetr00 · 05/09/2025 21:14

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 20:21

No.

It was supposed to be a very, very small ceremony and then word got out and it spread. If we'd had more time, we could have provided transport.

It's been planned in 2 months.

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re transport, you could hire a couple of minibuses?

Shouldn't be too cost prohibitive as your venues are all fairly close.

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:14

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:00

Everyone coming to the evening venue is staying, so there are no marathons taking place thankfully! I'm sorry you had to endure the trauma of two of them.

Thanks for your comment though, I can completely see your perspective. Thankfully, I think because it's small, like I mentioned, everyone coming does love the bollocks off us, so your comment has provided some relief (even if it didn't mean to).

Show quote history

I think they will have to love the bollocks off you to do all that travelling, no drinking at the reception/after-wedding meal, and no music. And it's still a big long tiring day even if people are staying over.

I'm sure it will all be fine though, and as it's people close to you, and who love you, I am sure everyone will turn up, and enjoy it.

Have a good day. Good luck. Flowers

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:14

Nervousb2b · 05/09/2025 21:00

Everyone coming to the evening venue is staying, so there are no marathons taking place thankfully! I'm sorry you had to endure the trauma of two of them.

Thanks for your comment though, I can completely see your perspective. Thankfully, I think because it's small, like I mentioned, everyone coming does love the bollocks off us, so your comment has provided some relief (even if it didn't mean to).

Show quote history

Posted too quickly, AND triple post - sorry! Blush

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