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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the men women need protecting from aren’t asylum seekers but the ones shouting outside the hotels?

181 replies

ForSoberBrickOwl · 05/09/2025 19:36

I read in the Guardian this week that 40% of the men arrested during last year’s racist riots had already been reported to police for domestic abuse. That stat hasn’t left my mind.
It makes me think that the men standing outside asylum hotels claiming to “protect” women are often the very ones we need protecting from.

AIBU to think the real danger isn’t coming from migrants, it’s coming from the violent, radicalised men already here who use women’s safety as a smokescreen?

OP posts:
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8
UsernameMcUsername · 05/09/2025 21:54

The men protesting outside asylum hotels are probably bad news for women, by and large.

Importing lots of young men from cultures which treat women abysmally is probably bad news for women, by and large.

Both of these things can be true. You don't always have to pick a tribe.

cobrakaieaglefang · 05/09/2025 21:52

We all know that women and girls are at greatest danger from men they know and live with, Our fathers, husbands, brothers and sons are all a threat. Men as a class are dangerous to women. Yes, of course, there are lots of decent men, I would like to see those decent men dealing with their siblings, sons, colleagues, and friends to make it social suicide to be a thug or a danger to women.

We just don't need to add to their numbers with men from cultures who have even less respect for women than our home grown thugs. You don't let foxes in the henhouse.

All men coming in through the asylum/economic migrant route without identification should be held securely until status and identity confirmed. Any with any criminal records instantly rejected.
In the absence of that, I did think that some of the deserted holiday camps around the country would be a good temporary place, give them materials to make good their own accommodation, rather than hotels, it would keep them busy and until status confirmed provide a roof over their head. Enterprising young men with skills would soon get them up and running.

seaelephant · 05/09/2025 21:47

If I saw a group of red-faced hotel protestors huffing and puffing down the street towards me, I'd high-tail it out of there. I doubt I'd even notice a group of asulym seekers. But of course they don't actually care about women and children, they just use us as ammo to fuel for their own hatred, as it ever was

Lonelycrab · 05/09/2025 21:40

CremeBruhlee · 05/09/2025 21:33

I totally agree with you. While I am sure that there is a risk from ‘foreign men’ like all men to women, there has been proved to be a disproportionate amount in these riots/protests. My view is that all of this is a losing battle which is frankly terrifying.

On one side there are proven to be disproportionate amounts of wife beaters, also no doubt racists due to the people arranging them and also people that enjoy/are fueled by/happy with the aggressive nature of these protests. Many of these people that join these protests from their local pubs/after a drink so again further increasing the likelihood of the men frequenting them to not have family commitments with wives/kids etc and possibly not to have more professional jobs that would be at risk if they were to be found to be attending. These men will often say what others won’t and will shout loud with unambiguous views.

But the other side that may be ‘opposing’ often realise that the arguments are sensitive and nuanced. That there will be issues with integration of immigrants as that’s natural. That different treatment of women from these immigrants home countries can be problematic. That people who have lost everything have different standards and needs. But they still support granting asylum and know the economic and societal need for immigrants.

Not such a clear cut and simple ‘message’ to shout and chant though.

Also it can seemed steeped in ‘check your privilege’ which can hold people back from commenting.

The online discussions are now so quickly personal that ‘don’t wrestle with a pig’ springs to mind.

Unfortunately if people aren’t willing to dig a little deeper and do their own research they only hear the first side which is horrifying. Or they hear the mixed messages of the other side being unclear or ‘wishy washy’. So the busy or uneducated are at risk of falling into the first group.

This ^ scans like it’s ai generated.

Lonelycrab · 05/09/2025 21:35

helpfulperson · 05/09/2025 21:28

There is definitely a correlation being DV and being willing to take part in other types of violence. I suspect the 40% is about right for football violence, southport riots, fighting on the streets of cities in the evening etc as well. And remember that is just a conviction, not those have committed DV. Whether 40% of the men in hotels have the same rates of Domestic Violence would be interesting but we have no way of knowing.

Stella Artois and cocaine is a powerful combination.

And far more of a threat to anyone than your average asylum seeker.

CremeBruhlee · 05/09/2025 21:33

I totally agree with you. While I am sure that there is a risk from ‘foreign men’ like all men to women, there has been proved to be a disproportionate amount in these riots/protests. My view is that all of this is a losing battle which is frankly terrifying.

On one side there are proven to be disproportionate amounts of wife beaters, also no doubt racists due to the people arranging them and also people that enjoy/are fueled by/happy with the aggressive nature of these protests. Many of these people that join these protests from their local pubs/after a drink so again further increasing the likelihood of the men frequenting them to not have family commitments with wives/kids etc and possibly not to have more professional jobs that would be at risk if they were to be found to be attending. These men will often say what others won’t and will shout loud with unambiguous views.

But the other side that may be ‘opposing’ often realise that the arguments are sensitive and nuanced. That there will be issues with integration of immigrants as that’s natural. That different treatment of women from these immigrants home countries can be problematic. That people who have lost everything have different standards and needs. But they still support granting asylum and know the economic and societal need for immigrants.

Not such a clear cut and simple ‘message’ to shout and chant though.

Also it can seemed steeped in ‘check your privilege’ which can hold people back from commenting.

The online discussions are now so quickly personal that ‘don’t wrestle with a pig’ springs to mind.

Unfortunately if people aren’t willing to dig a little deeper and do their own research they only hear the first side which is horrifying. Or they hear the mixed messages of the other side being unclear or ‘wishy washy’. So the busy or uneducated are at risk of falling into the first group.

tuvamoodyson · 05/09/2025 21:33

I suppose when they are protesting and wearing there flags around their shoulders, it means they’re not beating their wives…

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/09/2025 21:29

Menopausalsourpuss · 05/09/2025 20:52

Why would EU countries not give us that information and endanger our women and girls? I thought they were our friends (and we have them millions of pounds net over the years). And once again, there is NO evidence the men protesting legally outside the hotels have DV convictions (sigh went are there so many hard of thinking on mn?).

Because it’s for internal EU use, as I understand it.

helpfulperson · 05/09/2025 21:28

There is definitely a correlation being DV and being willing to take part in other types of violence. I suspect the 40% is about right for football violence, southport riots, fighting on the streets of cities in the evening etc as well. And remember that is just a conviction, not those have committed DV. Whether 40% of the men in hotels have the same rates of Domestic Violence would be interesting but we have no way of knowing.

hotelinfo · 05/09/2025 21:18

The sickening scenes of these protesting parents - bringing their kids along and telling them, "go on, say it to camera ... scum out, leave our women..." I even heard them using the 'p' word ffs!

These individuals are beyond help. The state of them is shocking.

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 05/09/2025 21:11

Realitycheck1 · 05/09/2025 20:50

I see so because some protesters have a dubious background re women we should allow more totally un vetted men in to potentially also abuse woman and girls.
The potential is higher because these men come from religions and cultures that are not as advanced as ours on equality but that's ok because we have our own home grown abusers ?

Shocking isn’t it.

Hedgehogbrown · 05/09/2025 21:10

That stat doesn't suprise me at all. Fucking wasters.

genesis92 · 05/09/2025 21:10

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:04

What have I said that is "delusion"?

The fact you even have to ask that is very telling.

I noticed you ignored that link I put on earlier. (Conveniently.)

As you were.

Edited

They’re not programmed to debate actual stats that completely derail their argument. It would be a huge software malfunction so have been programmed to ignore

Absentmindedsmile · 05/09/2025 21:10

https://thecritic.co.uk/germany-is-acknowledging-the-unspeakable/

Germany is acknowledging the unspeakable
A pattern of criminality is shattering taboos
ARTILLERY ROW
By
Andrew Hammel
9 July, 2024
In spring 2024, Herbert Reul, Interior Minister of Germany’s most populous state(22 million inhabitants), Northern Rhine-Westphalia, said something remarkable: “We have a problem with non-German criminals.” What’s remarkable is not what Reul said but the fact that a centre-right politician from the Christian Democratic Union (CDU) party said it. Nancy Faeser, Germany’s Interior Minister from the centre-left Social Democratic Party (SPD) — which courts voters of non-German ancestry — also said something which would have been branded far-right provocation just a few years ago: “We have to talk about the rise in crime by foreigners”.

What has moved the Overton Window is a stream of grim crime statistics

These statements may sound benign, but they shatter taboos. German politicos and journalists have long suppressed discussions of why certain groups of foreigners are overrepresented in crime statistics; Section 12 of the official German press code even forbids identifying the ethnic ancestry of criminals to combat “discrimination”.

Any references to “crime by foreigners” (Ausländerkriminalität) as a distinct problem were met with charges of xenophobia and racism. What has moved the Overton Window is a stream of grim crime statistics published by government agencies or, just as frequently, leaked to journalists.

Category: Artillery Row | The Critic Magazine

https://thecritic.co.uk/category/artillery-row/

Midnights68 · 05/09/2025 21:10

One of the bits of cognitive dissonance that I find the most staggering is that immigration has increased enormously since Brexit. That’s largely because of Brexit. In particular, small boat crossings have increased, and we have, for obvious reasons, much higher levels of immigration from outside the EU (particularly from developing countries).

And people think Nigel Farage is the solution to this ‘problem’. But he was instrumental in causing it.

MyAcornWood · 05/09/2025 21:07

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/09/2025 21:05

Of course it isn’t all men. Misogyny is clearly wrong. So is misandry.

Oh dear, you took that ever so seriously!

OneAlertOliveFinch · 05/09/2025 21:06

Violent protesters more likely to be violent. Who would have guessed? Why not dislike both groups of people? You don't have to pick a side. Also per capita offences by nationality are a thing.

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:06

Skippydoodle · 05/09/2025 21:04

When we have a majority of men who view women in a certain way, enjoy being sexually abused and then punished for sexual contact before marriage. Not a place I want to live in. Your choice though.

Edited

Did you get your mords wixed up there?

Lonelycrab · 05/09/2025 21:06

Realitycheck1 · 05/09/2025 21:01

So the so called far right is going to call out every crime committed by British citizens ?
I think the point is we have enough of our own criminals why add more ?

Why on earth shouldn’t they?!?

I thought this was about protecting women and children🙄

And it’s not “so called” far right

It’s actual far right people. Learn some history.

Absentmindedsmile · 05/09/2025 21:06

Absentmindedsmile · 05/09/2025 21:04

The UK have now released sex crime - ethnicity data. Only due to a FOI request. No surprises.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2025/03/10/foreigners-commit-up-to-quarter-of-sex-crimes/

Edited

An archive link and FOI link for access

https://archive.md/6AXAy

https://www.ons.gov.uk/aboutus/transparencyandgovernance/freedomofinformationfoi/sexualviolenceintheukbyethnicity

Regularmumm · 05/09/2025 21:05

Skippydoodle · 05/09/2025 21:04

When we have a majority of men who view women in a certain way, enjoy being sexually abused and then punished for sexual contact before marriage. Not a place I want to live in. Your choice though.

Edited

What are you talking about???

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/09/2025 21:05

MyAcornWood · 05/09/2025 19:39

It’s been said often enough that you must know you aren’t alone in thinking that.
personally I don’t like to discriminate… it’s all men that are the issue 🙃

Of course it isn’t all men. Misogyny is clearly wrong. So is misandry.

Skippydoodle · 05/09/2025 21:04

When we have a majority of men who view women in a certain way, enjoy being sexually abused and then punished for sexual contact before marriage. Not a place I want to live in. Your choice though.

Zov · 05/09/2025 21:04

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2025 20:49

What have I said that is "delusion"?
That the men outside the hotels are as dangerous to women if not more than those inside?

What have I said that is "delusion"?

The fact you even have to ask that is very telling.

I noticed you ignored that link I put on earlier. (Conveniently.)

As you were.