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AIBU?

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DH is annoyed because I didn't call him while I was away overnight for family funeral.

182 replies

NestEmptying · 05/09/2025 18:47

AIBU here. Should I have called?
I drove my parents to a family funeral yesterday in Wales, DH didn't know the relative so didn't come - that was fine I didn't expect him to. The journey was about 5 hrs and we went straight into the service when we arrived, then the wake. Then there was a family dinner in the evening and we stayed over.
I posted a pic of the hotel room about 8pm on the immediate family WhatsApp. DS and DD (who are adults) answered. DH didn't answer but I assumed he had seen or the kids would have told him.
He hadn't seen. I got home just now and he said he didn't know if I was dead or not and that it's not normal not to ring your spouse if you're away.
He's really cross but I don't think I did anything wrong. I sent a message. He was at work today with no phone so I couldn't ring him this morning and then I was driving back.

I had quite an emotional couple of days, seeing family members and talking about the relative. It was full of love and humour and Welshness. Now I have come back to an atmosphere. I don't think I am wrong but should I apologise?

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 05/09/2025 18:54

Is he usually this suffocating? How regularly do you have to inform him that you haven't died?

MotherofPufflings · 05/09/2025 18:52

If he was worried there was nothing stopping him messaging you to check you were ok. I wonder why he didn't do that and instead got cross that you hadn't messaged him?

HelenaWaiting · 05/09/2025 18:51

You are wrong. He's not some vague acquaintance, he's your husband. If my OH had been away overnight and not bothered to send anything other than a general text to a WhatsApp group, I would be seriously pissed off. It's not that you couldn't be bothered to spend the 90 seconds it would have taken you to text him personally, it's that you didn't even think you ought to.

PollyHutchen · 05/09/2025 18:50

He's letting you know you're not supposed to have a life of your own...

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 05/09/2025 18:50

I couldn't deal with that level of neediness, you weren't away on holiday! Me and my DH barely text when one of us is away, because one of us is away with other people, family, friends etc, our focus is on them

LlynTegid · 05/09/2025 18:50

Maybe an over-reaction by him, but I think if you are making a journey it is reasonable to phone to say you have arrived ok. Given the unfit drivers there are on the road, perfectly normal to be concerned about someone when they are making a long journey.

Sorry for your loss and I hope the 'Welshness' included some beautiful singing.

FluentLemonFatball · 05/09/2025 18:49

It’s not about being right or wrong. Your DH is letting you know how he would like to feel cared for, and it’s that that could move you to apologise and do differently in future.

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