DH is annoyed because I didn't call him while I was away overnight for family funeral.

I have to drive 4 hours to visit my parent (it's currently once a month but has been every couple of weeks previously). I always call DH to let him know I've arrived safely as the journey can be a lot longer than 4 hours, or if I can't do that straightaway I call in the evening. I like to hear his voice and be able to tell him how I'm feeling (stressed, unhappy, alone, or whatever) and his calm presence on the phone is so helpful. I don't understand why everyone thinks OPs husband is being needy and I don't understand why OP didn't call him in the evening to share the burden of her grief after the funeral....

It's not about confirming if you have arrived safely which sounds very transactional, I just can't imagine not speaking to my partner even it's just for a couple of minutes to catch up before I went to bed. Even more so if you've been to a funeral, I simply don't understand why you wouldn't want to speak to your husband after a day like that and that is probably why he is upset.

You had the audacity to centre your family and the deceased and not him. Shame on you OP - you should always prioritise your dh. Even if it means being rude at a funeral and wake.

FFS.

Exactly, I think he is massively overreacting.

Basic in our relationship- if either of us went in a 5 hour drive we would ring to say we had arrived safely. Nothing suffocating about it - we care about each other and therefore want to know each other are safe. No one gets told to do it - why wouldn't you 🤷‍♂️ dd is 21 and drives to uni 2 hours away. She always sends a text to say she's arrived- never told her too!

THIS!!

He's being ridiculous. It was one night when you had a big family event to deal with. You sent a message so you were clearly safe and sound.

As for a PP saying he needs to feel more cared for words fail me. She's the one with all the stress of long drive, managing family and a funeral but he needs to feel cared for?

I must say OP not apologising and him being huffy about things seems extremely silly when the transitoriness of life must be in their consciousness atm.

That's a nasty thing to say. Especially given it's OP only that's grieving given that her husband didn't attend the funeral with her.

Her husband is making her grief about his feelings and his needs, when he really should be focused on supporting his wife through dealing with a death in her family.

Especially for one night!

It wouldn't occur to me to assume that something awful had happened to my DH just because didn't let me know he'd arrived safely at his destination.

I'm the same about not needing to know when my family members' flights land. Presumably I'd hear about it if they were in a crash, and my worrying is hardly going to protect anyone from misfortunes beyond my control.

Plus I've got enough going on that I can't keep everyone's comings and goings and estimated arrival times in my head all the time.

Sounds like he's being a twat, particularly if he hasn't even asked you about how the funeral was for you. I'm sorry for your loss.

Sounds to me like after a while we will start hearing stories about how DH spoiled a birthday with a tantrum, was late to a wedding anniversary dinner etc etc. hope I am wrong.

Standard rules apply. You’ve made a long car journey you text to say you’ve arrived.

All these “he could have called if he was worried” posts would be singing a different tune if he had called and that had pissed the OP off. “Can’t he leave you alone for 5 minutes”

Ah, so he wasn't worried after all because he'd seen a Facebook post with you in.

So he's just miffed that you didn't give him enough attention and trying to act like he was concerned. Is this kind of game-playing common in your relationship?

Some of the responses on here seem to be ignoring the fact that the OP was at a fucking funeral.

OP your husband is a needy child. I cannot bear men like this and would hit the roof. Disgusting of him to make a thing of this when a) he knew you were fine and b) he knew you were pre occupied and a funeral for fuck sake.

Ugh. Men like him make me shudder.

So he couldn’t stand the fact he had a day not being centre of attention?

He’s being absolutely ridiculous - I can’t bored posts saying you should apologise. You’ve done nothing wrong. He’s being a needy drama llama

He's in the wrong.

Even if it's 'nice' to stay in touch, given it was one night, you were going straight to a funeral, and you posted in the family group, he could give you leeway and notice you were alive, or get in touch if he was worried.

This is control.

Personally I’m not keen on this level of neediness and I think he’s being ridiculous. If he was genuinely worried he could have texted.

I don’t see ANY need to apologise! He’s a grown man with working fingers - he could have rung you. Knowing you had a full on day with family. Sounds like a spoiled brat tbh.

Honestly, I think it depends on the couple/the relationship you have. My DH and I would give each other a quick buzz or a good night txt if we're away but we also txt during the day in general , usually random things/memes. Im sure some people would find that suffocating

No of course not.

As OP didn't send a message it would have been normal, if he was worried, to message her.

I know OP says she was late for the funeral but it takes seconds to message " arrived Ok" which he would have seen at some point.
So I don't think either OP or her H behaved in a way " normal" to me because neither of them messaged each other.
I must say OP not apologising and him being huffy about things seems extremely silly when the transitoriness of life must be in their consciousness atm.

My husband travels a lot with dd as she competes at high level for sport. Often things happen which means they can’t contact me. If I was genuinely worried that something had happened then I would (and have) do the following (in order):-

1. Check if I had a message from him
2. Check where he is on “Find my friends” (if he is in a room at the Premier Inn then it is unlikely he has had a road crash!)
3. Message him
4. Call him
5. Message dd (who he is with)
6. Call dd

To me he seems remarkably passive for someone who was so terribly worried.

I agree with this. If he was so “worried” why didn’t he phone or text you?

Sounds like an insufferable need to be noticed at all times.

Why couldn’t he call you?

This

Why didn’t he just text? Sounds a bit needy to me op.