DH is annoyed because I didn't call him while I was away overnight for family funeral.

He was that worried about you he didn't bother to send you a quick text or call, he's gaslighting you cos he wanted to be the main act, I would've said the funeral went well thanks for asking.

My dh travels a fair bit for work. Sometimes he calls, sometimes he doesn't. Not a big issue either way. Frankly, if he'd gone to a funeral, my priority would be supporting him afterwards not having an argument because he didn't text.

Honestly, I think he's causing an argument so it's all about him and not about you and the funeral. It's all "I'm hurt because you didn't call" instead of "how was the funeral are your parents OK, could have done with a phone call but its good to see you.

He's a prick, and I doubt that this is the first time he's acted so.

I so agree.
So many don't realise it until itvis pointed out to them.
Then they can't unsee it.
It was a complete revelation to me when I realised this was my father.
Every happy occasion ruined by him.
As adults we simply refused to have him near our happy moments.
He ruined them while we were children and now we could choose not to have him near us.
I only realised it was narcissism since his death.
We put it down to him being the spoiled youngest son. He was a very good looking man who was adored his whole life.
Family life is invariably a massive disability to such people.

Awful man. Christ alive. You LOST someone…why wasn’t he there to drive and support?

100% - the OP was at a funeral and this twat still expects the world to revolve around him. Pathetic and selfish

Who made those rules then? I’m nearly 60 and can’t think of a time in my life I’ve felt the need to tell anyone I managed not to have a car accident.

And if I was spending the day with family at a funeral, checking in at home wouldn’t be on my mind at all.

The OP’s DH is a grown up he can pick up a phone himself if he’s that concerned or he can understand she’s at a funeral and go a day without it being sll
about him.

Neither me nor DP (of 36 yrs, so I'm confident 😅) would of rang in these circumstances.
I'd actually turn this around, seeing as he's being an arse. You could rightly claim that as you were the bereaved one, the onus was on him to ring and check that you were OK. Or at the very least check his messages. Not only did he not, but he is adding to your distress now, with his unreasonable behaviour.
Very me, me, me.

She was the one at the funeral, who has been driving for hours, who needs to feel cared for. I could imagine him reasonably saying “hey, I didn’t see your post, I was worried about you” if he was actually worried, or messaging her to ask if she arrived ok. But radio silence from him too, while she was at an emotional funeral, and then a mood when she gets back? Not ok. The fact he didn’t message her at all to check, or indeed check his own messages properly, and isn’t following up with actually being worried about her but instead making her feel bad on purpose, tells me he is unreasonable and she’s hard done by here.

My favourite way to work out if someone is a narcissist. Big events and they act like a cunt and make it all about themselves while gaslighting you at the same time? Narc.

Why did he not see the message on the family group?
He sounds like a petulant toddler who can't bear your attention not on him.

Tedious, dull, unattractive and so needy.
Bet he has form...they usually do.

He's an idiot, OP, and you had more important things to think about than massaging his ego. I wouldn't have contacted my husband either, nor would he expect it.
We went away for days pre mobile phones, and just got on with our lives - obviously we wouldn't "assume you were dead". He needs to grow up.

There are 2 ends to a phone.

So @NestEmptying you've had a long drive, been to a funeral and are probably feeling a bit wrung out. Yet somehow, your DH thinks he should have been at the top of your to-do list. What a prince! 🙄

It's not as if you weren't in touch, as you put something in your family WhatsApp. He just didn't see it and by the sounds of it he wouldn't have had much time to see or respond to a text or call if you'd sent one.

Let him sulk - if he's going to act like a silly little boy, treat him like one.

I would certainly have messaged my DH or rung him. However if I hadn’t had chance, he would’ve messaged me asking if I was ok and would never in a million years fall out with me! Jesus…your DH is an arse!

@Youcancallmeirrelevanti find that attitude really strange. It takes a few seconds to check in. Both myself and my dh would be really worried if we barely messaged when we are away and we don’t live in each others pockets.

There are 2 types of apology 1. Sorry I did the wrong thing 2. Sorry I unintentionally upset you.

This is a type 2 apology

Id say. "Sorry, I hadnt thought about it like that. If its important ill make more effort to call next time"

Because everyone is different, some people don't want to chat after an event like that, especially if they've been around people all day. And let's just say your husband didn't ring you in this situation, would you actually be angry with him and not even ask him how the funeral went?

I was going to say exactly this, if this was my husband I wouldn't have expected a text while he was at the funeral/wake, I'd have probably messaged him at some point to ask how he was or whatever and if he didn't reply I'd probably message again later on and if I was really worried I'd have rang him. Even if he didn't answer if I knew he was fine (had been tagged on FB for example) I'd probably just say to him that he'd worried me a bit but I wouldn't be pissed off and I'd definitely be asking him how the funeral went/giving him comfort regardless.

Op YANBU at all. You sent a message to the WhatsApp group, I imagine it was emotionally draining and you can absolutely be forgiven for not wanting to chat after a very long day like that. My husband works away and sometimes if one of us is extra tired we skip the nightly facetime/phonecall and neither of us cares. He sounds needy and selfish.

So he was briefly miffed that you didn't call him personally, when he equally failed to call you, and now he's in a strop about your neglectful behaviour. Oh, please. Apologise for being a dickhead first, DH.

DH and I send “All is well. I love you” type messages.

Admittedly we’ve never had to go away separately for a sad reason, but I’d say the onus was on your H to contact you to check you’re okay in this case. He’s being a self-centred dick.

I don't have the kind of relationship with my husband where this would bother either of us. If one wants to speak to the other surely there can call or message them? You were at a funeral ffs if he was worried he could have called or messaged you.

I would just catch up with him in person a few hours later. I would probably send a quick message and some point and he probably would to but I wouldn't think it noteworthy if either of us didn't.

Very convenient that he didn’t see the WhatsApp message. He can’t have been checking his phone for a call or message from you.

She wasn’t away on a jolly, it was a funeral! And 10 hours of driving in 2 days is exhausting.

It’s fine for him to say ‘Next can you just text so I know you’re ok’ and you say ‘yes sorry it didn’t occur to me’. But him being angry is over the top.

Well everyone's different.

But actually, I can't imagine my husband going to a funeral on his own and not messaging him to say "how are you? Hope it went ok. Let me know if you want to talk"

So, if anyone should have been messaging, it should have been HIM imo.