DH is annoyed because I didn't call him while I was away overnight for family funeral.

When somebody is grieving and attending the funeral of a family member, that takes precedence over somebody else's nose being put out of joint that they aren't the focus of attention overnight.

Why would you not have expected your husband to accompany you on a family funeral irrespective of whether he knew them or not? Does he usually avoid your family gatherings?
I get that he most likely wanted to have a message from his wife to say how the journey went and that you had arrived safe and sound. The fact that you didn't do this but instead chose to message on the family group chat suggests that you two aren't that close anymore.
Him saying he thought you were dead was an obvious attempt at sarcasm due to the lack of contact you gave him, however, given that you were away at a family funeral this comment was quite distasteful and thoughtless.
Whilst I'm guessing the closeness isn't there anymore between you both, he could have chosen to send you a message himself, to check how things went and make sure you did infect arrive safe and sound. You're both as thoughtless in this.

DH would have messaged me to ask how I was after the funeral

FFS. It's not unreasonable to want to know your partner is OK after a long journey but there is also nothing stopping HIM messaging YOU.

Why was it on YOU to have HIM front and centre of your mind while at a bloody funeral and not the other way around? Why can YOU not take the hump with HIM for not bothering to check in with you? Doesn't he LOVE YOU (etc.)?

Does he always need to be the main character? Tell him to pull his head out of his arse and stop being so bloody self-involved.

same in our house. I drove 6 hours recently ( never driven that much in one day in my life ) spoke to my husband 2 or three times while driving then rang when got to hotel. we have a farm and animals aswell so would check they OK. no kids. before covid I travelled alot for work would often ring for a chat or even just company. we would be sending WhatsApp too memes photos etc. would text then before bed. he m husband we are always talking.

If you have friends willing to, I'd start to get away for girls trips etc more often. Start to have your own life and get this man used to you being an individual, not just there for his convenience. He should have contacted you to check how you were and asked about the funeral when you returned. Don't apologise!

Absolutely! Mobile phones are the weapon of choice for the controlling needy narcissistic twat who can’t let their partner have anything to themselves without whining ‘but you didn’t call don’t you love me’

Selfish tosser

So glad Im not married any more and hostage to the whining of some needy man child.

He still fucking wouldn’t have a point. Sometimes in life our heads are up our arses because we’re incredibly stressed. She was at a funeral ffs, after a long drive.

How the hell did society ever cope before every narcissist could demand daily attention from their partner via the shitty little tracking device in their pocket?

This and every other reply like it.

Ask yourself if you would have reacted in the same way were the situation reversed. I would never have the gall to berate my partner for not personally calling me ( when I was in fact aware he was fine had arrived safely etc ) if he was attending a family funeral after a really long journey, because I would understand that on that day his needs and feelings came first. He's the one that should be apologising.

He could have contacted you if he was genuinely worried.

He probably should have contacted you to say "thinking of you / hope funeral went ok" type things.

You have nothing to apologise for.

If you hadn't made any communication at all, then he would have had a point.

But you did message to say you had arrived, you did it on the family group chat.

If I am away overnight I usually message on the family chat so both DS and DH know I am OK. I might message DH directly before I go to bed, as much because I want to hear from him and know he is OK, but it's not a given, depends what time I get to bed.

Fuck me, do not apologise! This thread is insane! You went to a family funeral, your DH didn’t ask how it went and now you’re apologising to him? What!?

Same. Life is short and hard enough without making a big deal about not being in the same position to call.

We both work full time, and I’m travelling out of the area to various places, so just call whenever I get a chance, depending on his availability to take a call, due to frequent back to back meetings, but often I don’t get a chance to call.

We are lucky that we both understand that each of us always have and always will be there for each other in family emergencies or if urgent. I don’t have to reassure him about getting to my destination. Same if I go to stay with family sometimes, we just call and don’t get upset if the other is busy and always come together to work things out very quickly when it’s important.

Can't bear that you weren't focused on him.
Would bet this is the tip of the iceberg.

Do some reading.
Educate yourself OP.

Living with narcissistic people.
Covert narcissism is interesting too.

That kind of neediness would give me the rage. Although it doesn't take much these days.

Personally I'd be a bit disappointed in him for this - yes, it's nice to get a personal check-in text but at the same time you had provided the information that you were ok via the family Whatsapp, and obviously you had an awful lot on your plate that day. Ultimately he had no reason to doubt you were alive and well and he's being a bit of a selfish twat here. Definitely no apology needed from you here, he should be asking himself if he has supported you as best he can or if he has in fact somewhat centred himself in this situation much bigger than your immediate responsibilities to him.

I probably would have texted my DH but I think the issue is how he has communicated. If he would like a message then surely he could just say he was worried and could you message him after a long drive - I particularly dislike people justifying whether they would like by saying it's normal to do whatever it is - it might well be but I think they would get a better response by just stating what they would like politely

She did send a message on the family group!

Or he could be more caring and realise a) op did message. In WhatsApp. And she was the one in the centre of emotional need. Not him

This!

Does he have previous for being a nob when you've had to go out/away/at events that mean he is not the centre of attention?

Do not apologise.

He was NOT worried - he was pissed off, and now he's trying to make you feel awful, and it seems to be working.

He says he thought you'd posted on FB (you being tagged, I really do not see how he thought that was you posting, unless he is a techno-idiot)... so he saw that.

He says he was worried and yet, he didn't ask the kids, he didn't message, he didn't call...

Bullshit. He's manipulating you. He can't hack that you were focused on someone else and doing something where he wasn't the centre of attention.

He could have called himself or sent a message if he was really concerned.

Ugh. Pass me a fucking sick bucket.