Newish relationship - Waking me up.

Subconsciously or consciously your past sleep issues are the reasons for his idiocy. Don’t waste more of your time with this twat, it isn’t your job to repeatedly state the bloody obvious.

These 'pronoun' games are often a set up for a 'Gotcha! You all assumed it was a man, this just proves Mumsnetters hate men!' I try to circumnavigate those, but wanted to give support in case it's a genuine red flag for abuse.

That okay with you?

Also seems very early to have them with your dc when you're not even in a relationship.

Yep, you’ve only been seeing him a few weeks. Why is he staying over when young dc are in the home?

Aside from this, I don’t think this issue is likely to get better unless you really put your foot down, and even then be aware of being stealthily woken up. I had an insomniac ex who would nudge me awake but not say anything so that I wasn’t sure what had woken me up.

'Them', 'they' and 'their' in the post above yours from Cuddles, PardonMeNot. This is getting out of hand.

You‘re being unreasonable using “they” instead of just stating the partner’s sex. It makes it very distracting to read your post.

I agree. Being woken up is awful, no way would I put up with that. Does he not like being on his own? Btw, what's with all the 'theys', it was very confusing when you were talking about just one person who must be either a he or a she.

The fact that you specifically told them that your ex did this abusively, and yet they are not super-sensitive to this, makes me rather concerned that they're doing it on purpose...

Even if not, the fact that their need to be entertained or have a chat trumps your need to sleep is not a good sign.

You are in another shit relationship with a selfish loser.
Nobody does this accidentally.
It's deliberate.

You no doubt excused abusive behaviour in your last relationship and now you are doing it again.

Get rid of him.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Read Women who love too much, by Robin Norwood.

Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft

Get rid of him.

Exactly this
If you don't want it to happen again then instill that this is essential to you.
PP saying he is also abusive is a stretch. He probably doesn't even connect the dots to thinking this could be reminding you of your ex as he knows he is far from it. You need to tell him it does and you are strict on it.
From hid point of view he was probably seeing himself as caring checking you are OK after falling asleep in DD bed, maybe even feeling insecure himself as it isn't the norm when a partner stays over for this to happen. Year maybe the 2nd incident was pointless, but he probably wanted to share what he was hearing, and possibly bored.
If you ain't up for guests maybe tell him upfront. I would be very uncomfortable if I had stayed over a partner's house to be finding myself alone at night

He doesn't sound very bright , how old is he ?

I think if you told him not to wake you up he wouldn't wake you up if the house was on fire as he sounds very odd.

Tell him that he can't stay over 😡

It's thoughtless, selfish and unempathetic. Even without being 'abusive' (because from what you've said, it doesn't sound to be) it's still bad.

The only way round it is if you can still find him attractive if you have to spoon feed him empathy and spell it out like he's a child, that you need x hours of sleep and any interruption of that is going to make you extremely ungirlfriendy.

Really, if you were to do that, and his reaction was to sulk/get defensive/gaslight then you know what you need to do. But if he says "aw fuck I'm so sorry I just get so caught up in my feelings and I just want to spend every second I can with you" it's be forgivable but he would still need to learn to put your actual needs (aka to sleep!) first.

I’d chalk this up to teething issues. You need to lay down the rules of the sleeping patterns / behaviours in your house and what’s appropriate to you. eg - never wake me up for anything other than an emergency; if I’m not in bed I’ll be in with dc and again don’t knock or wake us up; it’s ok to let yourself out without saying bye, etc etc.
If they can’t follow the rules (for the most part - anyone can mess up accidentally from time to time) then maybe you’re not compatible.

It’s not thoughtlessness, it’s a “I don’t care how tired you are, my need to talk to you is greater than your need to sleep”! Fuck him off because he has no respect for you or your child

Please listen to your instinct op that this is deliberate

It sounds also alarming that a newish relationship involves access to your home with a young child??

I can't offer any advice, but I've come to the conclusion I don't wake up well. Every guy I've ever gone out with is terrified to wake me up. So much so that I'd gone to the cinema to see Gladiator when it first came out - reallywanted to see it. Opened my eyes to an empty cinema and people cleaning. Asked why BF didn't wake me up - "you were asleep." I was sorting out medication levels for underactive thyroid at the time and going through spells where I physically could not stay awake, regardless of how much I tried. But that wasn't why he didn't wake me up, he was too scared to.

It's a response that has been repeated a lot. It seems no one is game to wake me up. So I've had to conclude I don't wake up well.

He doesn't know why she is sleeping with her daughter. It could be him it's in his interest to ask. Is she comfortable sleeping with a man she barely knows in the house.

OP, it’s not clear from your posts, have you said ‘I do not like this, stop doing it’ to this person at any point? If not, why not?

What was your reaction when they woke you to inform you people next door might be having sex? Were you annoyed? Did you state that wasn’t a reason to wake you? If not, why not?

You shouldn’t have to do any of this. However, your apparent lack of reaction is a bit confusing. Have you directly addressed his behaviour at any point?

Alright. How is that related to him waking her, though? You stated that he was concerned. About what?

I don't know you or how you live. Of course it makes no sense to you. If my partner left me and my children tomorrow I wouldn't let a man who I barely know stay for a few nights with me and my children. I would see him on my own and would allow him to stay when the children are either with their father or other family members.

Edit my childrens mental health and wellbeing comes first before any man. The op should not have had her boyfriend sleeping over while her child is in the house.

'I’ve been seeing someone for just over a year'

and this person has already met your child
and has stayed over whilst your child is at home

and ' my partner stood up '

so is this person someone you are ' seeing ' or a ' partner '

Sleep is so important to me. I don’t think I have ever purposely woken anyone in my life, I can’t even think of why anyone would do that. It’s absolutely cruel.

when I got together with my husband, we went in holidays. I was absolutely besotted with him, he set his alarm to wake up early the first morning. I said ‘what did you set the alarm for?’ He said ‘just so I could roll over and go back to sleep as I am on holiday’

I told him straight that if he ever woke me again unnecessarily, we were finished.
And I meant it. He never did it again.

I would give one warning, and then end the relationship if someone woke me up again.

Even if it was Brad Pitt.

If you genuinely like hom and think it is not malicious. Next time when you're going to sleep. Tell him to not wake you up unless there is an emergency. Straight up. If he still does it, you can tell him to fuck off.

Your post makes no sense 🫤

a new relationship who came into my child’s room and woke me and themup clearly deliberately is another ABUSER

I agree.

If it was me I would be asking why wouldn't I. Did something happen is she okay? It's natural to ask questions when you are concerned.

She has children as well and a new man is sleeping in the bedroom next door to where her child is. Her child is probably confused. I think it's right that he asked and her reaction wasn't right. The whole set up feels wrong. I feel sorry for her child/children. She needs to get to know him first before having him around her children.