Newish relationship - Waking me up.

My husband sometimes talks to me when I’m falling asleep. He isn’t being malicious, he is just not thinking.

Obviously OP’s history means this is a big issue for her, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable that her new partner hasn’t fully understood.

I know! The number of posters saying she needs to communicate clearly not to wake her up - she has!!

Some people will literally excuse any male behavior. Wanting to sleep undisturbed is not a quirk FGS

People generally presume others are the same as them in terms of eating and sleeping etc. He is probably a light sleeper who wouldn't mind genuinely if you woke them to tell them something silly because he would just fall back to sleep. Waking you in the morning wasnt an awful thing to do. You are putting your bad experiences with an ex onto a new person and that is unfair. For all you know they could have an ex partner who yelled at them for not waking them and thought they were doing the right thing.

I think you need to emphasise very strongly that this is a huge thing for you and you are never ever to be woken. This is a quirk of yours they need to understand and respect going forward, but i do think you overreacted in the examples given, you are only getting to know each other after all.

I think the word abuser is being used too liberally in this thread tbh.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or just hyper aware due to my past relationship.

My ex partner used to deliberately stop me from going to sleep. I’m aware it was one of the abuse tactics used along with many others. At the end of the relationship they admitted that they had done that deliberately because they hated to see me rest.

I’ve been seeing someone for just over a year. They know about this part of my last relationship because I have told them.

The new person I’m seeking is often telling me that I work really hard and that I need more rest and sleep.

A few weeks ago, DC was up in the night so I was up with her and it takes me a long time to get back to sleep. I eventually did. Both me and DC was asleep in her room after being up most of the night.

we finally got to sleep at 7am!
soon after, the person I’m seeing came in the room and nudged me awake saying “heh, you ok?”

I was fuming inside. Thinking “why on earth have you woke me up?!”
then DC also woke up. When this happened my partner stood up and said “I’ll let you go back to sleep then”. I said that’s highly unlikely to happen considering both me and DC were now awake

so I basically explained that I’ve been up all night and that I was in DCs room Trying to get her back to sleep and so that I didn’t disturb my partner. I was annoyed to be woken up for absolutely no reason at all.

Anyway, last week, The person I’m seeing stayed over at my house. I got into bed and explained I’m absolutely exhausted. I’ve been working really long days and I was completely and utterly shattered. So I said I need to go to sleep because I’ve got a banging headache and my eyes are stinging because I’m so exhausted. I fell asleep only to be woken up half an hour later by my partner saying “ I think I can hear someone having sex next door” And laughing about it. Again, I was really annoyed because once I wake up, it takes me about two hours to get back to sleep sometimes

I said there is no chance someone’s having sex next door. And it could be the TV or something. But I don’t see it as a reason to wake me up.

i’m aware that I could be completely overreacting with this and I’m hoping it’s not going to happen again. I’d like to think not because I explained that I really need my sleep and when I’m woken up, I can’t get back to sleep.

I don’t think it’s malicious either. I think it’s just a case of not thinking.

I just know I’d never wake someone up for no reason. If I wake up first I’ll make sure I’m quiet etc. I’d never think to go and deliberately wake someone up ever. It seems inconsiderate and selfish. I’ve said clearly that I really need sleep and I rarely get chance for a decent sleep.

I think there are a couple of other issues so this is sort of adding to it I suppose

He doesn't know why she is sleeping with her daughter. It could be him it's in his interest to ask. Is she comfortable sleeping with a man she barely knows in the house.

@Surveille222
this is what annoyed me so much. If it was me in that position, I would read a book, watch telly, go on my phone, anything other than wake the other person up. And I don’t understand why they couldn’t just entertain themselves. But instead, came in, sat on the bed, started nudging at my leg saying “heeeeey…. You okay?” And I just couldn’t believe it.

Then, as we were leaving the house to go out, they said to me “ Are you sure you’re okay to go out today?” So I said, I’m just really really tired because I’ve had no sleep. To which they replied “ Yes, you could really do with an early night” which made my blood boil.

I agree with this.

My boyfriend would not dream of coming into my child’s bedroom ever. It’s not appropriate.

I don’t know why a person would wake someone up to tell them the neighbours may or may not be having sex.
He’s a grown man he’s got a brain he knows when he’s waking someone up. Sorry but I think he’s doing it on purpose.

I'd be careful with that thought process, clever manipulators can pretend they are just bumbling along making mistakes with no malice intended.

You have found another abuser - have you done the freedom programme through women’s aid and actually learnt anything from your previous abusive relationships? That and your child need to take priority!

a new relationship who came into my child’s room and woke me and them
up clearly deliberately is another ABUSER

I guess the OP wants privacy to make it less outing.
There are some posters presuming that the partner is male, but it could be that the partner is female.
Also we don’t know the OP’s gender - it could be a man writing about a female (or male) partner!

@whatisheupto
i do think it’s thoughtlessness rather than something malicious or abusive. But it’s still really frustrating.