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AIBU?

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Original poster

Newish relationship - Waking me up.

263 replies

isitoverreacting · 05/09/2025 18:22

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or just hyper aware due to my past relationship.

My ex partner used to deliberately stop me from going to sleep. I’m aware it was one of the abuse tactics used along with many others. At the end of the relationship they admitted that they had done that deliberately because they hated to see me rest.

I’ve been seeing someone for just over a year. They know about this part of my last relationship because I have told them.

The new person I’m seeking is often telling me that I work really hard and that I need more rest and sleep.

A few weeks ago, DC was up in the night so I was up with her and it takes me a long time to get back to sleep. I eventually did. Both me and DC was asleep in her room after being up most of the night.

we finally got to sleep at 7am!
soon after, the person I’m seeing came in the room and nudged me awake saying “heh, you ok?”

I was fuming inside. Thinking “why on earth have you woke me up?!”
then DC also woke up. When this happened my partner stood up and said “I’ll let you go back to sleep then”. I said that’s highly unlikely to happen considering both me and DC were now awake

so I basically explained that I’ve been up all night and that I was in DCs room Trying to get her back to sleep and so that I didn’t disturb my partner. I was annoyed to be woken up for absolutely no reason at all.

Anyway, last week, The person I’m seeing stayed over at my house. I got into bed and explained I’m absolutely exhausted. I’ve been working really long days and I was completely and utterly shattered. So I said I need to go to sleep because I’ve got a banging headache and my eyes are stinging because I’m so exhausted. I fell asleep only to be woken up half an hour later by my partner saying “ I think I can hear someone having sex next door” And laughing about it. Again, I was really annoyed because once I wake up, it takes me about two hours to get back to sleep sometimes

I said there is no chance someone’s having sex next door. And it could be the TV or something. But I don’t see it as a reason to wake me up.

i’m aware that I could be completely overreacting with this and I’m hoping it’s not going to happen again. I’d like to think not because I explained that I really need my sleep and when I’m woken up, I can’t get back to sleep.

I don’t think it’s malicious either. I think it’s just a case of not thinking.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
pineapplesundae · 12/09/2025 02:51

You gotta stop picking the manchild. Just stay on your own until the right guy shows up. Don’t force it.

Invigoron · 09/09/2025 13:19

OP have you kicked him to the kerb yet ?

Coffersmat · 09/09/2025 08:45

OP, I am 35 years married and I haven't had even ONE of those multiple conversations you have had with your boyfriend about NOT disturbing your sleep.

You sound like you are determined to be "confused" by his repeatedly doing something you have asked him not to, disturb your sleep.

Selfishness, stupidity, abuse, nastiness, game playing, stamping on your boundaries......whatever you want to call it.......he is not a good man.

He is not someone you should want around your child.

You are in another abusive relationship and now so is your child.

Wake up and listen to your gut trying to warn you.
This is not a good man, no matter how fun he is and good in bed.
Protect yourself and your child from ANOTHER abusive relationship.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 09/09/2025 08:34

LBFseBrom · 09/09/2025 00:44

Last time I looked at this thread it was only one person the op was involved with.

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E Last time I looked at the OP, the partner was referred to by the OP as they. I referred to the DP as he in a pp, because other posters had. But then I read the OP. Doesn't mention the sex of the partner. So I've adjusted accordingly. I mean I could write he or she, him or her every time, but that's a bit clunky don't you think?

LBFseBrom · 09/09/2025 00:44

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 08/09/2025 17:55

OP I can't get over the feeling that your DP is playing games with you.
They wake you up one way, you tell them to stop. They wake you up another way. You tell them to stop. They wake you up another way. Etc, etc.

They might not be abusing you like your ex did, but they are having fun at your expense.

Last time I looked at this thread it was only one person the op was involved with.

Bananalanacake · 08/09/2025 22:23

Don't let them stay over ever again, just meet for dates and then go home.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 08/09/2025 17:55

OP I can't get over the feeling that your DP is playing games with you.
They wake you up one way, you tell them to stop. They wake you up another way. You tell them to stop. They wake you up another way. Etc, etc.

They might not be abusing you like your ex did, but they are having fun at your expense.

DashboardConfession · 08/09/2025 17:01

The13thFairy · 08/09/2025 09:56

This. It's confusing and so are the 'they's And you have to keep re-reading something that could easily have been written properly in the first place. Do you not want to be understood? Some years ago I was in the same room as someone watching Geordie Shore. The people in it refer to themselves in the plural - 'she was kissing us' means 'she was kissing me'. Thank goodness nobody in there was trans or their speech would have been near indecipherable.

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For those asking why it makes a difference - it's obvious! The whole thread gets filled with replies about "he" and examples of other selfish men/immature men/replies saying "there are other men out there".

The13thFairy · 08/09/2025 09:56

niadainud · 05/09/2025 18:29

Why do you keep writing, "the person I'm seeing" instead of using a pronoun?

This. It's confusing and so are the 'they's And you have to keep re-reading something that could easily have been written properly in the first place. Do you not want to be understood? Some years ago I was in the same room as someone watching Geordie Shore. The people in it refer to themselves in the plural - 'she was kissing us' means 'she was kissing me'. Thank goodness nobody in there was trans or their speech would have been near indecipherable.

Snugglemonkey · 07/09/2025 23:32

helenatroy · 06/09/2025 19:27

Michael McIntyre once said you should only wake a woman up for two reasons. 1 a celebrity is dead and 2 it’s snowing! Agree with him. After 20 odd years together my DH would know he’s dancing with danger if he wakes me up. Be clear to your new partner. He just might not get it.

Neither of these is remotely acceptable to me. If my children need me, fine. Anything else, really not fine.

LBFseBrom · 07/09/2025 21:59

Don't let him stay over in future.

Namechangedagain999 · 07/09/2025 21:07

I would never put up with any of that.

Original poster
isitoverreacting · 07/09/2025 21:01

This post seems to have gone a bit crazy. Some details I have left out or slightly amended so it isn’t outing.

To reiterate - it’s been over a year we’ve been seeing each other. We do class it as a relationship. I’ll use ‘DP’ if that’s more ‘reader friendly’.

DP doesn’t usually stay over when my DC is here. This is very recent and has only happened occasionally.

I have stated very clearly about sleep. There were times a few months where DP’s wrist watch would vibrate in my ear at a ridiculous hour and I said very clearly “please don’t ever have that on when we’re in bed because it’s woke me up and I can’t get back to sleep”

I’ve also said about the alarm going off. DP has set it before really early just to press snooze several times. I’ve said then “please don’t have it going off so early because I will be awake from the first time it goes off”.

When I was nudged awake I made it very clear I was annoyed and said afterwards “why did you come and wake me up? I’m shattered and really exhausted from days of not sleeping”.

Which I’d already said. Plus I was poorly the night before with my stomach which I’d made very clear by saying it all evening and being in pain.

Maybe it is teething problems. It’s not happened loads of times.

all this talk from @Falseknockof how you wouldn’t let your kids play with mine is such a bizarre comment.

There have also been many comments indicating me being delicate or vulnerable in some way. I understand it can seem like that. I was in an abusive relationship with DC’s other parent for 12 years.
I have therapy every week.

I’m a strong and level headed person with a successful career, great friends and an amazing child. Since my divorce I have been working on being by myself and just supporting me and my child. And it’s been hard for various reasons but I’m perfectly happy being single. I don’t need to be in a relationship but I met someone I really got along with and we took it from there.

There are some issues which might seem trivial to some. But I am well aware that I’m ok by myself and I would never settle for something that didn’t feel completely right.

I’m happy to answer questions, but it isn’t ok to insult me. You don’t know me, my past, what I’ve been through and who I am now. I find it really odd to completely disrespect someone online with some of the comments on her almost insinuating I’m a terrible, incompetent mum.

OP posts:
Woompund · 07/09/2025 20:42

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 15:45

What about her children

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You're being ridiculous

Sowingbees · 07/09/2025 20:41

LillyPJ · 07/09/2025 18:27

Eating someone else's cereal, even if they're a child, is not 'abuse'. It might be thoughtless or unkind, but calling it abuse trivialises what really counts as abuse.

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Abuse isn't black and white.

It is insidious, it is things that to others seem innocuous - I don't know if this is abusive, but abuse doesn't have to be loud or hard .

Woompund · 07/09/2025 20:40

AlexStocks · 07/09/2025 15:07

Oh hun, these are normal bouts of waking you up. I think the trauma of your previous relationship color's these events. Please, please go see a trauma informed therapist! ❤️

No they aren't, 'hun'

LillyPJ · 07/09/2025 18:27

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 17:55

Her child's food are you serious that's abuse. He doesn't even live there he is only a man she is seeing.

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Eating someone else's cereal, even if they're a child, is not 'abuse'. It might be thoughtless or unkind, but calling it abuse trivialises what really counts as abuse.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 18:22

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/09/2025 18:08

I don't think you've quite appreciated the sarcasm. It would be normal for a preschooler to wake their parent up if they're awake and alone in the morning, but an adult? Not at all.

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He doesn't live there its only right to wake her up. The op didn't mention whether she had let him out or not. It wasn't appropriate him being there anyway. The op should have shown him the door.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/09/2025 18:08

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 17:55

Her child's food are you serious that's abuse. He doesn't even live there he is only a man she is seeing.

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I don't think you've quite appreciated the sarcasm. It would be normal for a preschooler to wake their parent up if they're awake and alone in the morning, but an adult? Not at all.

niadainud · 07/09/2025 18:01

Ebedee · 07/09/2025 17:57

what difference would it make?

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It would be less jarring and monotonous to read. Given that 20 posters have agreed with me I'm obviously not alone in finding it irritating.

Ebedee · 07/09/2025 17:57

niadainud · 05/09/2025 18:29

Why do you keep writing, "the person I'm seeing" instead of using a pronoun?

what difference would it make?

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 17:55

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/09/2025 17:49

If you're three years old, perhaps. But not when you're a fully grown man or woman who is big enough to reach the on switch on the telly and make your own Cheerios.

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Her child's food are you serious that's abuse. He doesn't even live there he is only a man she is seeing.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/09/2025 17:49

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 15:40

It's not unreasonable to wake someone up in the morning especially if everyone is asleep and you're awake. She could have sent him on his way instead of getting upset about it. She said so herself he was asleep while she was trying to settle her daughter. It's perfectly reasonable to give a nudge to ask if everything is okay. She shouldn't be in a relationship she needs to sort out her demons first and get therapy.

I've woken my partner up on many occasions and vice versa. What's this man doing with the op I don't think he should be with her.

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If you're three years old, perhaps. But not when you're a fully grown man or woman who is big enough to reach the on switch on the telly and make your own Cheerios.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 17:45

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/09/2025 17:12

Well he is to blame for waking her up after being told not to

She's looking for opinions on whether she is over reacting. One of the functions of this forum.

No one knows her so how can we. All we can do is either tell her she is or she isn't. None of us really no what is going on. I have given my opinion and so has others given their opinion as well as your good self. That's all anyone can do on this gossip site.

Falseknock · 07/09/2025 17:38

SunriseOver · 07/09/2025 17:19

It's fairly obvious seeing as she went to sleep in her own bed and was woken up in her child's room.

Even if that's not a clue to having been up in the night to the particularly obtuse, the second example of explaining how tired she was and about her headache was spelled out clearly, yet this person still woke her half an hour after she fell asleep to comment on neighbours having sex. That's not the behaviour of an emotionally mature adult capable of empathy. Perhaps you consider it normal, but it isn't.

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If she was tired and had a headache she shouldn't have let him stay over. I was talking about the morning he woke her up in her children's room not the night he wanted a shag.