Sick Husband - Unfriendly Friends

Absolutely.
You are finding the ones you thought would stick with you through thick and thin , disappear………but also that the ones that you never thought would, are actually there for you
I will never forget the kindness of those people , who have on 2 occasion been there for me, when they really didn’t have to…. You will be stroger for this and happier.

No advice but solidarity here. When DDad died so many of his and mums so called joint friends disappeared. Some have said that it’s painful seeing mum without dad, some have said that visiting the house is too painful for them. It’s disgusting. Wishing your husband a steady recovery and sending you strength OP.

Unfortunately some people in the end resent someone who has seen them at a low point and helped them, so they take some grim satisfaction in turning their backs when that someone falls on hard times. Very painful, very, very wrong. It will take time to get over it but you must somehow. I’m so sorry, I’ve been there several times in my life. I only help my kids now.

Some people sicken me. Just see it as a clear out and move on with your lives.

It is so true what a PP said. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Focus on the liquid gold @Doingthegraft.

I do not have any advice, just empathy. It really is horrible to face, especially when you are already facing so much as a family. We have had it before, but one example from last week really hurt.

Ds has been regularly lot in hospital this year with a new neuro illness. A couple with kids close to us invited our entire group of friends over for their birthday and deliberately excluded us. We found out from friends after. My DH, who is level-headed and hard to offend, was for the first time quite upset, which makes it worse. It was not only a social snub when we are facing a potential tragedy, it was personal, because we valued the friendship. It has forced an instant reevaluation of our relationship and it hurts.

In situations like this, you find out who your friends are. People show you who they are.
My husband had worked in construction since leaving school. He could turn his hand to anything and was very good at whatever he did. Over the years he helped 'friends' renovate houses, build houses, fix roofs,build walls, garages etc. His main forte was glazing and window fitting and he was very good at it; everything from Victorian glass in old conservatories, stained glass windows etc to huge big conservatories and glass roofs and balustrading. 'Friends ' were always getting him on board when they needed work doing because they knew he'd do it at 'mates rates'
Then 8 years ago, at the age of 48 he had to give up work due to health reasons- two different types of arthritis, as well as several other conditions. At one point he was tested for MS. He had to give up a job he absolutely loved because he just couldn't do it anymore and ended up on benefits. Once his 'friends ' found out, he ( and myself and our 2 kids) were dropped like hot bricks. Once they knew the gravy train had stopped, they disappeared. One was his best friend from the age of 4. He was devastated, and I was devastated for him.
Now....he has one friend. Who is a good friend, who he met after he stopped work. They're not friends if they can't be there for you when the going gets tough.

I’m so sorry to hear that OP. They sound like awful people.

At least you’ve seen their true colours now, small comfort as that might be.

Wow these are not friends, hope your husband is better soon x

I know exactly how you feel OP. DH’s health has deteriorated these last few years and pretty much all his friends have disappeared including our couple friends. It’s pretty soul destroying.
We have a business that people like to borrow from/mates rates…I’m just biding my time till one of ‘em wants a favour, they’ll get it both barrels!

We used to call this type of people "fair weather friends"; fine for socialising with when things are going well, but strangely invisible when things are tough. You and your husband are better off without them.

"Well, (name of illness) isn't exactly glamorous, is it? I can't be around that"

I would be all over social media with that one and name the absolute arsehole who came out with it. Sometimes dignity is too much to ask for. Fuck them.

It's surprising to some how easy it is to have a large circle of friends when you're free with your money and help, and how sharply that circle contracts when you offer less of both. I'm not surprised, and it's shown you who your real friends and support are. Stuff the lot of them, and have nothing to do with them when he recovers. Sending you a virtual hug.

“Not exactly glamorous?” Wtf. Honestly this is a blessing in disguise they sound like a bunch of jumped up snobs.

I’m so sorry - you seem lovely and deserve so much better x

Wow! That’s unbelievable and definitely not normal. These people don’t care about you much, I’m afraid, OP. It just be very hard but at least now you now, and they won’t be able to take advantage of you when you’re back on your feet.

I nearly died a few years back, when DD was one and DS was five. The people who stepped forward were as unexpected as the ones who didn’t. It’s very hurtful discovering the people you thought would be there have just dropped you, but I hope you’ve also found a few pockets of gold you hadn’t anticipated. Hope your husband is on the mend and that you are holding up yourself.

Most people are too self-absorbed to step up.
Ditch `em.

When the chips are down you find out who your friends are. Don't waste your energy being sad or angry about them - they are not worth it. Concentrate on getting through this tough time and the good friends and family who are there for you. Be grateful that you have found out who they are.

Most people are bastards, it’s as simple as that I’m afraid.
We’ve experienced similar, dropped by lifelong friends when we were no longer useful, DH started his own business a few years ago after surviving Myocarditis and everyone said how they’d support him - funny that when they realised they wouldn’t get an £80 service for free, that support was nowhere to be found, even though he does offer ‘mates rates’.
Take his oldest friend, since school and his best man 40 years ago, for his 50th DH bought him an expensive signed print of military aircraft, DH got fuck all, not even a card and they cried off his celebration, a paid for meal.
We are now at the point we only consider two people to be actual friends and even then I don’t know if they’d step up in a crisis.

Going through that gifts you a magic sorting hat for life.
I was always the go to friend until I needed friends....
The ones that are there for you and offer practical and emotional help are the only ones worth keeping. The rest are jolly fluff that blow away in the breeze. Jolly fluff has its uses but for the rest of your life you will have a built in jolly fluff detector

I'm so sorry OP. How people can be like that is beyond me. I hope your husband feels better soon. Be kind to yourself

Good riddance op. Your will find out who your real friends are when you need them the most. Don't spend anymore time crying over these vile people. I am sorry to hear your DH is ill and hope everything goes well with his recovery.
We had the exact same thing many years ago and I can honestly say, I am glad they cut themselves out of our lives. After two years, they tried to come worming back but the damage was done and I knew they weren't friends. It is very painful but in the long run they have done you a favour by not spending anymore time with people who aren't genuine.

How awful and sad for you both.
Sadly, I think illness and money are two things that really bring the worst out in people. It’s easy to be a fair weather friend.
You’ve now seen who your true friends. Don’t use your energy thinking of the crappy ones (easy said than done, I know).
I saw similar with my parents, my Dad got very ill and couldn’t work. My parents lost everything because without his income, they couldn’t pay mortgage or bills (my mum had health issues and couldn’t work either).
They ended up bankrupt and living in social housing. ALL their original friends dropped them over the next 5-10 years… because they couldn’t socialise/holiday in the same way. They get the odd Christmas card, text etc but that’s it.