extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

You made the best possible decision with the information you had at the time.

You are doing the best you can with the tools you have.

Repeat these to yourself when you start beating yourself up!

With all kindness, I think a little perspective would be good. People across the world have varying degrees of wealth/income. That is not what is important. What is important is how kind you are as a person. No-one has "she always shopped in Waitrose" on their headstone, or even "she was a top earner" - what they have is "beloved".

This is not a mistake that you have made, it's that the road you were on has collapsed, which does happen to people sometimes (in fact, you're lucky if it doesn't). So, what would you do in those circumstances? Would you hang around in the unsafe debris, stumbling and just sitting in it, or would you look around and find another road?

The next thing might not be as financially lucrative, but it might feed your soul better. Whatever happened in the previous job, it doesn't sound like a place any of us would want to stay in.

I don't know how old you are, but the Guardian does a series on new starts after 60 (or maybe it's 50, I can't remember), which you can adapt to any age frankly. At extremes, Ben Fogle's New Lives series are also great for another perspective.

Hope you can find some therapy that really works, but every time you find yourself beating yourself up about your 'mistake', don't allow yourself to wallow in rumination - mentally stand up, shake yourself off, and look around for another road.

I definitely think you need some mental health support. I don't want to say that your line of thinking is not normal, because that just sounds catastrophic, but it is a-typical, and it sounds like a multi-faceted approach to recovery will really help you.

I know you don't want to give too many details, but what did you enjoy doing about the job? Or rather, if you were to find another job, what would you hope it entails? What are your strengths? What makes you feel like you have accomplished something? You don't have to tell us here, but I'm just trying to see if it's possible for you to build the foundations for a new future pathway.

I am autistic, and a very obvious black and white thinker, and I find it so easy to spiral when anxiety and paranoia take hold. I didn't find CBT overly helpful, but some of the things it did provide I still practice to this day.

One of them is scheduling worry time.

I give myself half an hour a day to be as neurotic as I need to be about things that other people don't seem to be phased by. Sometimes this is with a trusted person, and sometimes it's just with a notepad. Then, at the end of it, I separate it into 2 categories.

Can something be done about this? No, let it go then or Yes.

If yes, when can something be done about it? Then I bullet point all of my worries in priority order, and then I tick them off as I sort them out.

Each day, I revisit any left over worries from the day before, and they get added to the list.

I find that a lot of the things I worry over, I can't do anything about so they end up just getting thrown away and forgotten. Sometimes something can be done, but in order to get there, there are other steps involved, and it can take some time, and I have to learn to have patience with myself and not get carried away, but it has turned worry and panic into anticipation and excitement, and even finally feeling accomplished once I achieve them.

This has really helped me curb my anxiety and low mood when the spirals start to happen. Could something like this work for you? Do you think that you could give some CBT a go?

First of all, as someone else has said, you need to go back to your doc as your meds aren’t working. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right one for you. Also, keep pushing for therapy. You absolutely need it and no message board can do what the right therapist can.

Second, I don’t know if this will help, but I recognise and understand your refusal to ‘give up’ on the life you had and still want, even though it’s in the past and you can no longer reach it. I felt this when I can cancer. People kept telling me that the old, pre-cancer me was gone and that I had to make peace with a new version of myself. No matter how many times I heard it, and how rational it was, this made me furious, resentful and sad. I did not want a ‘new’ life, I wanted my old life, the one I recognised, loved and felt had been unfairly taken from me. But gradually I realised they were right and that it was ok. The new me is still me, and my war wounds are part of life’s diverse journey. Eventually I came to embrace the future and see all the horrible experiences as just some of the bits of the recipe that made up me. I hope that you will soon be able to see this. I guarantee that, despite what you’ve said, this job loss will NOT be the defining moment of your life unless you make that happen. You have hit a massive bump in the road, but the road is still there and you can drive anywhere you want. Please, please don’t give up on yourself. There is extreme depression in my family and I hear what you’re hinting at. Please don’t go there. You are worth the effort of getting better.

Op, can I ask gently this reaction we see on here, the drama, the complete dooms mongering, was if a similar knee jerk dramatic fatalistic reaction to what made you leave your stable job? I just wonder if you’re repeating a pattern of behaviour, the reaction that made you leave the stable role, is it in any way similar to the reaction you’re now having?

because if there is similarities, I think it’s that you need help with, your ability to cope with stress, how you react in stressful situations. It does sound like this is all over a very long time, how long ago did you leave the stable job, how long were you in the last job, and how long ago did you leave it, it feels now like all in this maybe years`?

I would speak to your doctor again, as I think maybe you need help with your mental health, be it anxiety, depression, ocd related intrusive thoughts, no one can diagnose, but I think it is maybe fair to say you do need additional help.

OP just because you are on medication doesn’t mean you are on the right medication. I recognise the feelings you are describing and had similar when at my lowest. Antidepressants/antianxiety medication (sertraline) helped me enormously, but it took some tweaking to find the right dose. Please go back to your GP/prescriber. If necessary ask for referral to a specialist (which may be needed to prescribe a higher dose). If you explain honestly how you are feeling, they will you.

@strugglingseptember2025 when you talk about only one dark option, are you thinking about suicide? Believe me, you have many, many more steps in front of you than that extreme one.

I’m not sure if you saw my earlier query, but if you are housed and everyone fed, you are safe. Your body doesn’t feel safe, which is why you’re in flight and freeze mode.

I agree the future based on the big salary for another 15/20 years is now not in front of you.

But it might be again. You could get another similar job. You got that one!

I left a job where they thought I was bloody Jesus to go to one that I realised two days in I HATED. I could have walked. I wanted to. I did manage to stay but had two stints of sick leave as a result of the toxic environment. When I left, I doubled my already decent salary. I believe you will get something. For now, I hope you find something that brings in some money and restores your confidence.

You will have to forgive me if I say you must pull yourself together and stop thinking of the past.
''The past is another country - they do things differently there''.
The job market has contracted a lot recently because of various factors like AI and new business taxes.
There is no point in beating yourself up it achieves nothing - just do your best and determine not to repeat past mistakes. Good luck!

I left the job I loved 3 years ago, I saw my arse over something and left for what I thought would be a new start a golden opportunity, it wasn't, it broke me and I left and have bounced around since ( I am a nurse so work is easy to come by ) I am back in ICU now but at a second rate unit, I hate it, I hate the culture, but I made by bed, I have to lie in it!
I have to make it work.
Because what is the alternative, I still have bills to pay.

So you were big and important with a big and Important job. And then you rage quit.

You need to eat and keep a roof over your head now. You'll feel a thousand times worse trying to navigate the benefits system, as it's not set up to protect you from your choices, it's there to stop people from starving whilst they look for work and nothing more. And it would mean being stuck indoors (and inside your own head) when not attending appointments.

You need to do something - anything - that gets you out of inside your own head. Temping, cleaning, literally any job that will have you and you'll start feeling more useful, have a purpose and need to get up, get showered and dressed, out of the door and engaging with people - and be able to buy food/etc.

Your old job required you to make decisions and take action, rather than refuse and do nothing. It's exactly the same skillset that you need to wrest yourself out of this spiral of regret, paralysis and self pity - it's just not for a massive salary and general admiration now, it's for survival.

Once you're doing that, you will begin to feel better and can look at ways to progress again. Call it resilience, call it determination, call it sheer bloody mindedness, call it whatever you want - but if you were capable of such an important job once, you're capable of treating this glitch, this temporary hiatus, as a stepping stone to something different.

This sounds incredibly hard, but I do echo the previous posters - you’re obsessing, repeating yourself over and over, fixating . . . none of that is constructive.

I think you need a job. ANY job. Are you willing to retrain? There are lots of opportunities in areas like AI and cyber security, supported by government schemes. Go in as a junior, work your way up. It will give you your sense of purpose back, you’ll feel productive again.

Can you accept that tying your happiness and reason for living directly to a particular role and and level of income is irrational? If you can see this and you want to change that way of thinking have a look at my AMA.

Oh I’ve seen you’re on meds, sorry. Counselling? Therapy? Maybe wrong but I’d have thought with a high salary you should have savings and a buffer to pay for these things.

Once your depression is under better control hopefully the unhelpful thoughts will lift and you’ll develop some coping strategy

I believe you need to find a good psychologist to help you navigate this period of your life. Talking therapy, maybe anti anxiety meds and start hitting the gym and channelizing all that anger in a more positive way. Yours is quite a common thing nowadays so you're not alone, but you need some professional help to navigate it because this too shall pass. buy a Punching bag? Best luck with all.

This is very very dramatic language. It’s highly unlikely that it’s warranted.

Please see my comment above re the obsessive spiralling.

Hi

I lost my job (redundancy so no fault of my own) at the start of the pandemic. I had been there a few years after being made redundant from my previous job. I was devastated. It felt like a bereavement of sorts. Plus my husband was furloughed and there was a lot of worry at an already horrendous time due to Covid.

But within a few weeks I felt stronger and was able to bounce back and get something else. And so will you I’m sure. No it may not be the same or as good but if you had 2 high paying jobs they aren’t going to be the only 2 on the planet?

Depending on how long these feelings have gone on for I also think you should consider seeing the GP in case you are depressed. I know exactly what this situation is like but it IS only a job and your reaction appears extreme and disproportionate x

If you don’t give us any more detail, nobody will be able to give you any proper advice. So, you’ll just continue to obsess and spiral while strangers write ultimately meaningless platitudes.

As someone with a ‘big job’, my belief has always been that I can get another one if I need to. I’ve never been wrong. It might not happen immediately, but it will eventually. A job is always just a job.

OP, I know you know this but you are catastrophising. You have had a setback and are simultaneously facing the practical impacts of that and the attack on your identity.

You must calm down, because the panic is steaming off you. And panic and senior roles are a bad match.

It doesn’t sound like you are working your network, so can you start attending events, making phone calls.

You also need to quit (cold turkey) remaking past decisions. I speak as the veteran of a 20 year shitty marriage, and those thoughts are not constructive.

So what if your next job is less than the unicorn? The next job is about showing resilience and the ability to come back.

Have you a concrete back to work plan, are you getting advice on your CV. Your current job is to get a paid job.
all the rest is small stuff.

Life can be like that. We all think that we're in total control of our life's outcomes, especially when things are going well. But ALL of us can potentially make one decision that unwittingly changes the whole direction of our lives on an unforseen way. You have an opportunity to learn from this; punishing yourself is unnecessary and compounds the self-defeating and damage to yourself, you need to overcome it.

Can you think of another time in your life when you have overcome a difficulty, or found strength to get yourself through a tough situation? Can you remember how you did it and how that felt?

I don't mean to be unsympathetic but cataclysmic is something like losing your child to a car crash, being diagnosed with a terminal illness and six months to live, your country falling into a state of war and having to leave your home and become a refugee somewhere.

Relatives of a friend - the husband/dad died of cancer ten years ago, leaving two young children. The mum has now died of complications from cancer herself, leaving the children, one of whom is still a teenager, as orphans. I mean that's a properly fucked up situation for those kids to be in. In the grand scheme of things, to lose a job and be struggling to find a new one? That's rough but it's not being orphaned at 16.

Your anchor has to be at the centre of your own being and noone else or nothing else. Take this from grandma , you are eternal beautiful being with divine purpose in life ....