extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

Oh, just saw other posts now about IB. Seeing I am in Chelsea and South Kensington, I meet them all and boy is that scene brutal and have met countless people suffering with mental health and being made redundant left right and centre. Some become very bitter indeed. Don’t become bitter. Indeed the reasons they pay you that much for years is to prepare for these unexpected changes. Indeed, reshuffle the decks, none will look down on you, and focus on your recovery! Indeed, it is a shock to the system, and have seen a lot of with my own eyes!

@Sunnydaysxy I wish you were in the NW, I would meet up, you sound lovely xx

And the only person who can get you out of this is you

I am applying for jobs - but it has to be the right job - I can't keep bouncing around
I have to look at the positives - the salary is good - I have got the hours I want - I have a lot of flexibility - they are paying for me to do a course out of work and giving me study time - the work isn't that difficult - the people are ok - I know I don't like it - I know the unit isn't right for me - but what can I do?

I paint a smile on my face and look for the positives - the small glimmers - and book another bloody holiday

Oh! I am sorry to read all this op. I too am a high earner and have been for many years. The difference being my earnings are within my control; can choose to work or not work. Therefore, I can easily turn down work buggering off for months to care for my elderly mum. At the start of my career, I regretted turning down a slightly lower paid secure job offered to me on a plate, just before recession hit, and I lived to regret it for a couple years. Whilst money wise I was fine and wasn’t without work, I regretted the security and stability that I turned down. I buttoned my belt, reduced my spendings, asked my mother to take over the private school fees of my adopted daughter who I proudly adopted when I was only in my early 30s; and sailed through. It helped that family members are scattered around the world so I managed to get free holidays (only needing to purchase my plane ticket) as they were not affected by the recession.

so you need better medication. Small steps. Try to focus on the now- I know the change you want can’t happen in a minute. Then try to regain control of situation. In your shoes, reframe the regret to not one of depriving your kids a future you had planned for them, but saying they are resilient (kids really are) and they need you to be better, to be functional and just to be there. In fact kids want you even with nothing to your name.

it is a mind matter- oh yeah, when I moved country to retrain at start of career, I watched previous colleagues progress at spreed. But in my case I was taking 2 steps back in order to leap forward. Indeed I did leapfrog them all by a long mile. So your fortunes can change any moment. Keep faith.

if you are in London, I too am prepared to meet with you even for tea in Chelsea- we can go to Harrods and buy something to eat. Or go to M& S for food- funnily, when lacking desire to eat, I do like to grab something from M& S. So anywhere around South Kensington, Chelsea and part of Knightsbridge can work- all on me. Or join me for a walk in Hyde Park and grab a coffee at the end. Please DM any time. And virtual hugs.

OP DH and I have both had long careers in investment banking. I can relate to the shock and fear you’re feeling as getting made redundant from a very high earning IB career is part and parcel of the job. I have seen hundreds of high earning investment bankers made redundant over the years, including me twice and DH twice.

Some of them find another job for a few years then get made redundant again, for others, it is the end of their high earning careers. DH spent a couple of years out of work, followed by a stint working in a pub, before managing to find a job in compliance, earning about a quarter of what he used to earn. It does change the direction of your life, of course, but you need to try and reframe this. You’ve had many years of earning well, presumably you’ve been able to buy a house, have some pension savings, been able to enjoy some nice holidays? In the worst case scenario, this phase of your life may be over and now you’ll have a more ‘normal’ life. It may mean your child needs to leave private school, which feels devastating, but please try to focus on the positives a few years of high earning has given you. High earning jobs do usually come to an end at some point - think about athletes hampered by injuries in their prime, actors getting ‘cancelled’ because of something they’ve said or done. I knew a fair few of the bankers who left Lehman Brothers carrying their belongings in a box. For some of them, no, they didn’t get another banking job, but they have gone on to have happy and fulfilling lives nonetheless.

It doesn’t detract from what you’ve achieved but you need to focus on your new ‘normal’ now and what that’s going to look like. The first step in that, is deciding if you’re not going to work in your old sector again, what would you like to do instead? I took an admin job in the legal team at HMRC, ultimately, it wasn’t for me, and I’m actually now back in IB, but having that job whilst I looked for another IB job restored my self esteem and stopped me from spiralling (which is what you’re doing), I also looked at admin jobs in schools. I saw it as an opportunity to try out some new jobs, whilst I worked out what my next phase would look like.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a psychologist.

BUT you sound like you've lost perspective and are completely wrapped up in the trauma of your plans not working out. You made a decision, it didn't work out, and your instinct is not to grieve, be angry, then accept it, but to deny it, in the sense of going over the scenario again and again and again in your head, as if that would change the outcome in real life. My prescription, so to say, is to have a sort of shock therapy - go travel, volunteer as many hours as you can helping the homeless, do physical work volunteering in clean ups and gardening and renovations, hike the length of the country, do something to get to a point where you re-set, and this traumatic experience of losing your job is no longer the last and first thing on your mind, every day.

I suspect your thinking is dramatising the situation - unless you are a nuclear physicist or astronaut or prime minister, there must be more than one or two employers in this country who can employ you. it's 'just' a matter of time and a matter of building yourself up again, so you are not this shadow of a person who only reflects their last job back at the mirror.

Separately, is it possible you have issues around control? Some of the things you say sound like you are convinced you can control things to a level people simply cannot. Your plan did not work out. You left your last job because of a situation you did not like/could not control. Now you're retrospectively trying to impose control over something that's already happened. I think it might be important to acknowledge that in order to move on. The only thing you can control is your behaviour going forward, which is the path to regaining perspective and making plans for hauling yourself out of this hole.

I think this is very perceptive.

@strugglingseptember2025 those of us who are hugely invested in our careers completely empathise with your feelings.

But there is no basis to this is there? Your thoughts and fears aren’t reality

i was 47 when I lost my job last time and not only did I get something else I’ve since moved again in my 50s

Believe me when I say I’ve been there. 9 years ago this month.
at first you feel mortified and the shame is overwhelming.
Next you feel sad and then you feel angry.
Now I look back on it with a sense of personal disappointment.
I know that it feels like you will never do anything as good again but you 100% will. Your skillset and experience haven’t left you, they’re just a bit buried for a while.
start to eat, get some fresh air every day and exercise if you feel able.
forgive yourself and the rest will follow ♥️

I think you need to speak honestly to your GP. The meds can make you feel worse before you feel better and you should feed back how you feel to your GP.
Can you say more about how you rewrite the past to make the results different - rather than repeating this action could you literally write it out so that it is out of your head?
While you can't say too much about the role you left, could you say more on the circumstances, did you make a mistake, were you made redundant, were you dismissed?
You may not have had the level of control of the situation you believe. It can be easier to blame oneself rather than seeing the nuance in the situation.
There are three things going on so you need to separate them out: your mental health crisis, the past situation (which is over) and your future plans.

When i was made redundant I registered with a couple of agencies and got work through them. After a few months I set up a limited company and continued to work through agencies, offering the same skills as my pre redundancy job on a self employed/consultancy basis. I ended up earning 4x that I had been earning.

I know someone who had a complete breakdown, lost his FTSE100 job and didn’t work for five years. But then he built things back up and emerged with an amazing job high up at Google! So it can be done. If you are valuable once you can absolutely be valuable again. But you need to get in a more stable head space first and for that you need medical help.

What is ‘everything’? What are the things you fear losing?

What would be the worst thing about not working in your career field again?

Honestly (and meant very kindly) you sound like you are extremely unwell at the moment and were also unwell when you left your last role although perhaps a bit less so then. Your language is text book catastrophsing and symptomatic of a severe mental health crisis.

I would advise your first focus should be to get medical help to get well. If you have savings, it would be worth accessing some private support as NHS possibly cannot offer the quantity and quality of input you would find helpful.

Once you are in a better headspace, other career opportunities will come back. The reason you aren’t getting those at the moment is almost certainly because it’s obvious to prospective employers that you are in the middle of a crisis. But very very many highly professional and well paid people have what used to be called “a nervous breakdown” and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. I personally know of several who are all very senior in their careers, earning 6 figure salaries and prospering again. This includes one in a regulated industry who lost their ability to practice for a while.

This is a horrible time and I feel for you but the feeling there is no hope is part of the illness. Things will get better if you trust the process but it takes time.

Do you think that you've somehow been "black balled" or prevented from working in your field again, or is it that your field is very niche and there are very few positions available?

When you say "lose everything", do you mean literally losing what you have already built up (house/car/savings), or is is more the loss of future life and things you'd planned that now seem unattainable.

What else is in your life apart from work? Kids? Partner? Family?

Is your self worth measured by your work success?

Have you spoken to your GP or a health professional as it does sound like you are in crisis.

OP- please, please contact your GP again. You need some professional help to move forwards. Please be kind to yourself.

I know its hard but you need to stop playing over everything in your head. Looking backwards is stopping you from moving forwards. From your messages I think the most important thing is your own mental health at the moment, the situation with your work will come but you must get help with your own health first.

This does not have to be the defining moment of your life. Your future has things you couldn't even imagine waiting for you- don't assume that this is it now. I know its hard to think things won't get better and it's hard to look forward but things will absolutely get better.

Please be kinder to yourself and stop torturing yourself by going over what has happened in the past.

Services for mental health can be a real postcode lottery as we all know but from reading your posts I really do think you need some more help here.

I "lost" my job following my maternity leave. My entire identity was enmeshed in my job. It's all I'd known for a decade or more. I'd progressed to a senior level, I spent my maternity anxious over returning to my role. I lost all contact with everyone and I was ultimately pushed out. Upon my return to work meeting, the in between the lines was that I was being pushed out of my role. At the time I was still suffering with PPD and I just walked away as it felt like the easier option. It's been almost 4 years and I still wonder what if, what could have been. It's not easy OP, but it does get better. Concentrate on your DC and take one day at a time. Good/better things will come.

Hi op, I might be in your shoes soon. Redundancies are coming. I hope I keep my strength but if you want to chat or even meet if you’re in London I’m totally willing to meet. I won’t tell you to pull yourself together - losing a job, especially if you’re in your 40s and replaced by younger people and unable to find anything similar is devastating. Your identity is in it and also your financial future. Please do let me know if you want a proper chat as I truly won’t judge you and instead I fully fully sympathise

What is the worst thing you can imagine arising from this situation? Practically, not emotionally.