extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

My husband is going through almost exactly what you have described. He ended up in hospital at one point and he is recovering. He is on anti depressants and anti psychotics and is making good progress now. He also has OCD which I saw you mentioned earlier in the thread. Hang in there. Meds can take ages to work. If yours aren’t working for you, see if your GP can put you on something different?

How much do you need the money? If I were you (which I'm not) scale back. Things like a walk are free and fun. Use the time to sell stuff you don't need eg ebay. You only have one life dont waste ot trying to outdo the Jones. We live as a couple in a 2 bed bungalow in the Cotswolds, nothing grand. Both myself and my husband had life threatening health scares in our 40s. We work, but not too hard and invest aggressively. Best to you

OP how old are you? Could hormones be playing a role here (which could be discussed with your GP)?

I was sacked this year (not redundant). You are in a process of grief. So there is anger, denial, then acceptance in the end. Don't let your former employers into your head. Learn to day "fkk them".

You will move on.. we all do....

I think it will end when you get another job and are forced to think about something else other than your regret about leaving your job in the circumstances you did. At the time it felt the right thing to do, you didn't dream the new role wouldn't work out so you can't blame yourself for not having a crystal ball!
So sorry you are feeling so hopeless, take the positive of good feedback from your interviews and keep going, you don't need 10 jobs just 1.
I had the chance to buy a flat in Edinburgh 30 years ago for a very good price but decided I wanted to travel, it would now be worth a fortune and my life would be very different. Yes, I feel sick when I allow myself to think about it, but have to accept my poor decision. Just as you have to forgive yourself for your job decision.

100% agree with this. It is hard, but forcing one to just let go- even a little- can free your mind and help you start again.

you were able to earn well in the past, so, the natural order of things means, you are able to do that again! Keep the faith!

There is (and I say this with sympathy) a type of pridefulness in feeling that your situation is letting everyone down, that you are the centre of the narrative and the helper of everyone. But in fact, your child will naturally in time move on with their own life and will do fine, your parents will get on ok as they always have and so will the wider family. I would also try and accept that for now there is uncertainty and that happens, for many reasons. But a job will get sorted in time. Right now, in this moment, you are warm and dry and safe and so is your child. That is the most important thing.

Wanted to edit to add: Just keep going, keep the faith and eventually, something will turn up!

I also I quickly learnt early in my adult life and in my career that, just when you think you can’t give any more, just hold on a little and push a little more; as that is usually the time you are just about to make a breakthrough! And this has proved true to me, many many times.xx

and the ability to, at times, forget all, forget goals and just take a break if you need it. I find after that break of doing no planning, you happily pick up from where you left and carry on! xx
@Lanzarotelady yup, you can DM me, who knows, one day I might find myself in the NW 😊

Oh, aren’t you very kind! I have gone through all sorts! Lost dad at 12 years who had impacted values, principles and the need to be kind to all; my half sister is a princess; my mum is the wisest and kindest person I know; but I have learnt one thing, just.keep.going! It gets tough, but we must just keep.going. xx

This is a really kind post, the poster has recognised that telling OP to
just pull themselves together is simply not an option.

OP I’ve been where you are. I’m through it now, time and medication got me through.

Well meaning but sadly possibly misguided advice to cook a nice meal, go and do some exercise and/or travel just sounds like an impossible task. For me it took a mammoth physical and mental effort to try to clean my teeth or get dressed.
Most days I didn’t manage either of those.

I didn’t want to exist. I spent four years in the depths of depression. Some of it was through covid so I could hide from most people.

I am now doing better, I will never be the same again, but just taking time to recover, not pushing myself and just accepting it was a process I had to get through was the way I coped.

I am saddened to read that you’re experiencing this mental
trauma, I would not wish it on anyone and I really hope
you come through it before too long.

good luck to you OP. Be gentle and kind to yourself.

Ok.

So unhelpfully I think you are your own problem. Of course youre struggling to interview well when you're this poorly.

I think you need to think basics. For next few days (longer but start with says) you need to eat, hearty, well balanced meals twice a day, go to bed and get up at the same time. And all thos anxiety it needs physically burning off, so a good walk to shake the tension.

You need to ground yourself, spend time with people you love, do a hobby that requires just enough thought that you can think. Get some fresh air.

This is horrible but it will pass, you need to take your meds, keep asking for help and tell yourself your priority needs to be getting better. Atm the mo your too ill to interview well and then punishing yourself like its the best you can do and using each negative experience to reaffirm your negative thoughts.

You didnt get those high earning jobs without being competent and good under pressure. This replaying youre doing its grief, and its ok but you have to let it go. And to do that you need to stop extrapolating this one bad experience into a bad life. That isn't what this is.

If you can ground yourself, get help, take your meds when youre better the interviewing will improve

Good luck

I work in a field where a lot of my identity is tied up with my job

OK, that's the part of you that needs to change.

Do you have contacts you could reach out so youre in mind for any emerging opportunities?

Indeed. But I think there’s a difference between taking pride and a job being a disproportional part of our self esteem. I don’t say it’s healthy!

Just want to send a hug and say you're not alone. I don't know if you work (worked?) in what used to be the British film industry and has now basically disappeared, but that's the situation I'm in. Have gone from earning 60-70k a year to being unemployed for 7 months and now my savings are gone I'm probably going to have to get a minimum wage job and never be able to rent a place to myself again. Don't have any helpful practical advice but on Thursday I was really suicidal, drove 150 miles to see a friend using basically the last bit of space on my now maxed out credit card which I know was irresponsible but getting really drunk with a mate did help, or maybe I just can't feel the anxiety today because of the hangover! Knowing there are other people out there in the same predicament makes me feel a bit better so maybe it will you too.

Exactly this. Your career and/or your salary doesn’t define who you are. But unfortunately OP you seem to think it does so without your career / big salary you think you’re nothing and you have nothing. This is a very flawed and self-destructive way of thinking. Where have you got this flawed belief from? Parents / upbringing I assume?

But what is the worst thing about that?

Lots of us are very invested in our careers but still are able to pick ourselves up when this happens. I may not earn £££££ but I am a highly qualified and experienced professional with a lot of pride in my career and achievements

If this is what it's done to you, it was never a healthy place to be and will not be in the slightest bit good for you to try and go back to.

You had a coercive, abusive relationship with your job/self image. And now you're reacting as many people do to the end of a coercive, abusive relationship whether they have been victim or perpetrator - horror, panic, obsession, desperation to get it back - so now you have to pick yourself up and look to something healthier. You weren't in control then, even if you thought you were - at best you were fooled by your ego and your colleagues/management that you were in total control.

@sweetpickle2 You talk a lot of sense.

It is what I have to do now, separate - work lady - home lady - looking for my next holiday

At the start of this year I was you OP- I am self employed but I lost a run of clients one after the other and the effect it has on my self esteem was chronic. My anxiety was through the roof, I couldn’t sleep or eat or even breathe it felt like. I felt truly insane and was having some really dark thoughts.

How I got through it- therapy (keep going. If you can’t get in with one therapist, keep trying for others. You have to prioritise this). Medication- I’m on an SSRI and have had to go slowly up and up a dose to get to a point where I can wake up without the immediate crippling feeling of anxiety. Keep talking to your GP.

Finally, and perhaps the most important- you have to work on decentring work. You mention that your identify is wrapped up in your job- mine was too, that’s why I crashed like I did. You have to work on separating your work from your life- work is just one small part of you life, not all of it. You can’t put that much pressure on it. When you think of all the people in your life who you love and why you love them, I’d be willing to be their job is way down the bottom of that list. It’s the same for you. There are books you can read on this and podcasts you can listen to, but honestly the best way to do this is actively choose to put other parts of your life before work. Log off. Spend time with your family instead of checking that email. Literally go touch grass. This has been one of the hardest but most valuable lessons I’ve had to learn.

It’s not an easy journey but it’s one I am convinced you can do. Good luck.