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Original poster

Step-child and wedding exclusion

286 replies

Dazedandconfusec · 05/09/2025 10:29

I have never posted on here to write a post before but have been on here long enough to know there are hundreds of posts about how a man has raised a child as his own only for his family to draw a line and not invite the stepchild to their wedding.

My child is 12 and has a fully involved father, never 50:50 because of the nature of his work but he is involved, sees her all the time and they have just got back from a two week holiday.

I am just so angry that my brother-in-law has not invited her to his wedding, the wedding where her step-dad is best man and her little half-sister is a bridesmaid. Her half-brother is also invited. I am the mother to all of them.

I know she has a whole life without us, in many ways she is more privileged than her siblings but I am just angry and tearful about this.

OP posts:
Hufflemuff · 05/09/2025 10:50

Thats awful! What does your DH think? Id leave it to him to tussle this out with his brother and id be sure he communicated what a dick I thought he was!!

Diarygirlqueen · 05/09/2025 10:48

This is awful, of course you should be upset. How the hell people support this decision i will never understand. And this is meant to be mostly mums on this forum! Excluding one child in a family unit because she's not biologically his! Surely you have been together a number of years if you have 2 children together.

You are one unit, he may not be her biological father but he is a stepdad. To exclude one child is cruel.
My brother met his wife who had a child. We would never have excluded him and all of us have an amazing relationship with him. The thing is, my brother would have stood up to us if we have went down that path. I think the onus is on your husband,
I feel for you and your daughter.

lunar1 · 05/09/2025 10:48

I would want to know if it’s intentional or if he just didn’t think it through. If it’s the former I just wouldn’t go, I wouldn’t have my family carved up like that, your children are siblings.

NavyNorris · 05/09/2025 10:47

Dazedandconfusec · 05/09/2025 10:43

While she has a fully involved father. She has lived with her stepfather for nearly nine years.

My other children have absolutely nothing to do with my ex so of course they’re not invited to anything on his side.

I can’t believe she could be left out of BiL’s wedding, not as a bridesmaid or anything but as a guest with the rest of her household.

9 years is most of her life! This is absolutely hurtful, your poor daughter.

I think if I'm being honest here- if I was in your situation I'd be so upset about it I'd not go. I realise I am stubborn and not advising you do this of course but that's really hurtful of your BIL.

Original poster
Dazedandconfusec · 05/09/2025 10:43

While she has a fully involved father. She has lived with her stepfather for nearly nine years.

My other children have absolutely nothing to do with my ex so of course they’re not invited to anything on his side.

I can’t believe she could be left out of BiL’s wedding, not as a bridesmaid or anything but as a guest with the rest of her household.

OP posts:
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 05/09/2025 10:42

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 10:35

She has a father. Do you expect all her siblings to be invited to weddings on his side?

This nonsense always gets brought out here. This is NOT the same. Her siblings don't live with her father, and he's not their step father and doesn't have any kind of relationship with them. You can't compare that to a relationship where she's living 50% of the time with her stepfather.

lalaloopyhead · 05/09/2025 10:41

Your DH may not be her Father but you are a family and as such I would invite you all - I think it is a very odd concept to not invite one child from a family because they are not blood related. Yes, she could go to her Dads but that is beside the point.
From the childs perspective they are being excluded.
I've got two children who I am very grateful are fully accepted by my DH's family and are invited to everything that me, DH and our joint child are.

ARichtGoodDram · 05/09/2025 10:39

I think it's poor form to not invite a child of a household to an event when the other children are all invited.

If she was 25 then it's different, but actually excluding one child in a family is rude.

We have guardianship of DN and I'd think it equally rude if anyone invited everyone in our household except him.

NavyNorris · 05/09/2025 10:39

I'd be upset too if one of my children wasn't invited.

Does your daughter spend much time with your DH family? Family gatherings etc?

What has your DH said about it?

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 10:35

She has a father. Do you expect all her siblings to be invited to weddings on his side?

Pissenlit · 05/09/2025 10:34

But from what you say your current husband hasn’t ’raised her as his own’ — understandably, as she has a fully-involved father?