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Manager said hugging it out was the best solution to solve our conflict - is this ok?

43 replies

livingthesimplelife · 04/09/2025 22:46

Would appreciate any thoughts
I work in a large engineering firm, mainly men. A manager who I have had difficulties with (think ignoring emails and teams for weeks because I didn't attend an optional away day, giving everyone in his team except me bonuses for no reason - not underperforming/performing less of a standard etc.). I had a meeting with him to talk about how I felt the ignoring was unjustified - cut a long story short, I got upset and tried to walk away to calm down - he grabbed my wrist (albeit lightly) and told me to stay to sort it out, and then said it's best if we hug it out. I did hug him as I felt obliged but just thinking now - i really feel that was unprofessional. How would you react?

OP posts:
PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 04/09/2025 23:03

Good grief! None of that is OK. The bullying or the physical contact. He sounds like he's getting a weird kick out of this.
Awful. Can you contact HR?

livingthesimplelife · 04/09/2025 23:02

thanks all - just worried as i have been to them before and their next step was to facilitate a conversation between me and him, which i felt too nervous to do. i guess i will need to suck it up

OP posts:
jamnpancakes · 04/09/2025 23:02

Oh no !!!!

MumoftwoNC · 04/09/2025 23:02

Also, report it to HR in an email. Recount everything you remember in clear unemotional detail.

HR are spooked by emails, they take action when they know there's a paper trail.

Do it right now so it's contemporary to the event

FloofyKat · 04/09/2025 23:01

Good grief, get on to HR straight away. This is beyond inappropriate!

Strzyga · 04/09/2025 22:59

Fucking hell

HR

LegoPicnic · 04/09/2025 22:58

This is not OK and HR need to deal with it

HardworkSendHelp · 04/09/2025 22:58

What a prick! OP that’s just awful!

Amy8 · 04/09/2025 22:57

No not ok

TalulaHalulah · 04/09/2025 22:55

Yes, that’s coercive and unprofessional. There’s a gender imbalance and a power hierarchy and he put you in an awkward position where it was difficult to say no.
You do need to contact HR and seek support here.

BeltaLodaLife · 04/09/2025 22:53

Is everyone else in his team male?

Even if there are other women, he is still bullying you and behaving abhorrently for a manager. On top of that, he assaulted you and force you to hug him. Go to HR. Run, don’t walk.

Ilovemychocolate · 04/09/2025 22:49

Just ugh!
would he hug a man?
no he wouldn’t
sexist and demeaning

MumoftwoNC · 04/09/2025 22:48

Employers are now legally obliged to protect employees from sexual harassment. Tell HR and you'll be supported.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/09/2025 22:48

Do you not have a HR department?

Namechangeforthis88 · 04/09/2025 22:48

Stupendously unprofessional.

titchy · 04/09/2025 22:48

ShockShockShock I’d react with a blistering formal complaint about his bullying, coercion and inappropriate physical contact.

Nichebitch · 04/09/2025 22:47

HR, immediately

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