First day at school nursery

Many children of 3 wouldn’t like to sit when they are deeply involved in an activity. It may be that a Montessori or Warldorf style nursery would suit your child better. The expectations of very shall children in the UK are ridiculous. You will get parents say ‘Well my child could do as they were told at this age’. Doesn’t mean that it’s a realistic or desirable expectation. One of my children could at 2, another one couldn’t until 5. Change the setting rather than the child at this age imo.

I was seconded to a school with nursery provision many years ago - not many schools had them at that time.

I needed to collect science apparatus during lunchtime and was directed to a storeroom at the far end of the school. On my way, a loo door was booted wide open and the three year old boy sat there shouted 'Are you gunna wipe mi bastard arse or what?' So I did what he demanded, more out of shock than anything .... didn't think of going to find the nursery staff in that moment. 'What's your name?' I asked.
'Mind yer own!' was the reply.
'Wash your hands now and off you go outside to play.'
'Piss off fat cow.' was my reward for helping him.

When I mentioned this in the staff room later, the boy was described as 'wilful'. This thread reminded me of that incident. Not saying your son is like this OP. Just now thinking of all similar anecdotes collected over the years - I could write a book.

I was in my early 30s at that time and I was running marathons a couple of times a year - and I definitely wasn't fat.

He works in the IT department at a university now - lovely young man.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what the teacher or TA did. They were showing your son that he needs to follow instructions. I do think it's a bit much to describe him as wilful though on his first day. 3 year olds involved in playing can find transitions hard, especially in a new environment. Your little one was obviously enjoying what he was doing and was reluctant to end it and move on to the next activity. I don't think that's particularly wilful!

First day at nursery and you are on here believing your child....

The many years of education and friendship groups are going to be long and hard! Good luck!

I also completely agree this was too heavy handed. I don’t think teachers or TAs should be moving a child, unless for their own or others’ safety.

Stay in close contact with the teacher to find out how things are going and make sure your son is clear on expectations.

Yes, my 3 year old was cross at me earlier for pushing her over.

She had run round a corner, into my leg, and fallen over. But according to her “mummy pushed me over!!”

She wasn’t lying. Her perception was that she was running, then I happened, and then she was on the floor. Ergo, mummy’s fault. It’s not an accurate description of what happened.

My eldest once came home from pre school with a very detailed and elaborate story about how one of her friends had become suddenly and violently very sick. I was friends with this child’s mum and saw her the next day at drop off and mentioned that I was surprised the nursery was letting her back in, given that according to my DD she’d basically been a scene from the exorcist the day before. She had no idea what I was talking about.

He's going from bing the centre of your world to being one of 20+ equally important people. It can be hard.

But... today it was just sitting on the carpet. Tomorrow it might be a fire drill. Next week an actual emergency. They have to get used to following instructions immediately.

I'd take the child's version with a pinch of salt.

My eldest was in school nursery. When they were playing outside, the teachers would lock the nursery door to stop anyone sneaking back in and getting into mischief.

My son claimed they'd all got ready to go outside but he'd been left in the cloakroom. He said he was standing at the door looking out but nobody noticed him, so he just went back to the cloakroom and cried until everyone came back in.

I went in the next day politely said I don't believe this happened but.... and told his tale. The teachers looked puzzled and one of them said he was definitely outside as she distinctly remembered an incident where several boys (including mine) all piled on a trike together and she had to go over and tell them off in case someone got hurt.

I have no idea why my son made that up!

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt by being married to a teacher it’s that the parents always believe their children and refuse to accept the adult is far more likely explaining it “properly”. Admittedly this is high school but the same principles apply, even when shown CCTV they still believe their children.

I absolutely have willful children. And I think if the instruction is to come to the carpet and a toddler doesn't, then you calmly physically move them. They are 3. I physically move my almost 3 year old all the time!

You're being precious. He wasn't held down against his will. He was physically prompted to sit down.

Part of early years is kids learning that sometimes they need to do things they don't want to do because now is the time to do that thing. Don't undermine that lesson now.

Like you said, he's not been in this environment before so he doesn't know what to do and that's why they showed him. Some children do need to be physically shown when they are unwilling or unable to follow verbal instructions. If they were rough with him then that's obviously unacceptable, but if she gently put him where he needed to be that's fine (and necessary).

He's 3 and recounted all of that to you?!
Or maybe he was worried about you getting funny about, asking him about it, and so just made something up? Maybe you kept asking questions? Your school experience isn't going to go well if this is how you approach things.
My 4yo told me today that a unicorn had been in her room and messed it all up. Better start looking for the bastard or my house is going to be a tip.

It's likely it didn't happen quite how your son perceived it.
'Snatched the toys' may equal 'tidied the toys up after asking several times and firmly asked him to hand over the last bit'
'Lifted the table up' may be 'pulled the table back so he didn't bang his head'

I would be surprised if they were physically lifting and moving children in that situation i.e. nothing dangerous. Is it possible they guided him to move/sit down instead?

I would see how things go over the next week or two.

Oh absolutely, I agree. And mine could and do. However, I have learnt the hard way that accuracy and detail are two different matters. And for a child of that age in the first day of a setting like that I would suspect the later.

Just to go ever so slightly against the grain, I voted yes yabu, however my 3 year old would be able to tell me in detail and reliably what happened so I wanted to back that bit up as being plausible because some posters seem to have issue with that one specific detail. 😂
on the other hand, I will say that I wouldn’t bring it up, they have a lot of children and as it’s your child’s first time in nursery they do need to get used to the rules, they can’t be letting them do whatever they want as they will lose control of the room.
I echo what a previous poster said about your dc just needs to learn they’re not the ‘main character’ as it were, it’s very different to being one on one with you etc.

I feel like children do need to be compliant when they are one of many. However, he’s 3. He’s in a new environment and is trying to find his feet. Yes he should be listening but really? He was stood on the carpet, I don’t understand why they felt the need to push it further.

Ahh so you feel children need to be compliant, just not your child.

You had me at the TA 'snatched' the activity away.

Hmm tricky one as I do agree with you physically picking him up seems rather drastic. But we really don't know the whole truth. And I can well imagine that the staff might've been annoyed by him hiding under a table. It's one thing not to want to stop playing and sit on the carpet, but quite another to deliberately defy them.
I know this is his first educational setting of any kind, but surely you've attended playgroups/toddler group/stay and play and the like? Didn't they have snack time all together, or singing time? Or library rhyme time all sitting together? Or any kind of organised session like preschool football, gymnastics or athletic kids? All of these I've either attended with my preschoolers or seen them going on in the park etc and they all have some element of structure, following the rules, sitting waiting etc?

I do think with some older children that have never been in childcare, it takes them a while to get used to not being the ‘main character’ because it’s their first real experience of their wants and needs not being the most important thing in the room. I’d just say ‘Well now you know what to do next time!’

The teacher wanted to get on with the activity and the other children were all waiting so I can see why the TA physically moved him.

There is a crowd control element to a nursery class and the teacher probably wants to set expectations early on.

I'd let it go. He's never been in a setting before, he's going to have teething issues. Did you do any grouos/playgroups with him?

Remind him to listen to the teachers and leave it be.

I remember the day my 3yo told me they'd been to the moon in nursery. After that I ignored most of the rest of what he said.

Just no way any of mine would have given such detail, and if they did brace yourself for all sorts of stories.

Preach (and, is it just me, or does everyone on Mumsnet have the most articulate pre-schoolers? Mine would not have been able to recount anything from the day more than what he'd had for lunch 🤣 - tbf I still don't get much more with a teenager)

Ex nursery teacher. I'd have never done this. I'd have encouraged and praised the children who were sitting. I would have packed up the activity and had the TA sit near by him. A few days of encouragement, exciting things happening on the carpet etc and he'd have got it.

His very first day in a school setting and you are already talking in terms of " her version" and " his version"

The next thirteen years are going to be a long hard slog unless you learn to trust the teachers.

I’d just reinforce to him he needs to listen and do what the teacher says. I wouldn’t say anything to school. I also wouldn’t get into long conversations with him about teacher said you did x, he’s small and school dealt with it just move on. Focus on positives - who he played with, what activities did he like. He’ll soon get used to it.