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Original poster

To think this is a really awful thing to say? Tw

238 replies

Goldyy · 04/09/2025 19:39

Referring to children who don’t have behavioural issues or SEND as ‘normal’ children?

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 05/09/2025 01:27

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 22:15

Don't forget the extra DLA and associated UC disabled child elements- for a child on HRC this can be over 1k extra each and every month... and when the child has ADHD or autism for example they don't really have any more added expenses than other children who don't qualify for all this extra money.

Show quote history

I have 4 autistic kids, 3 of which are adults now. Over the years I’ve had to buy
special needs buggies to keep them safe, nappies way past when a typical kid was out of them, adapted clothing to prevent shit smearing at night, I’ve had to repair doors and windows and walls that were damaged in melt downs. Any family trips meant taking another adult with me, a PA I’d have to pay. Specialised childcare as normal settings wouldn’t take them, driving them around when other kids could get buses. Special food for the ARFID ones and the ones with allergies, autism often comes either comorbidities in our case 3 have Eds, one has Pots, one is severely dyslexic, 2 have adhd, they all have sleep disturbance, so I often had to hire night Nannies so I could sleep more than 2 hours a night occasionally. One uses an AAC and sign, so I had to learn BSL which isn’t free.

but tell me again how it’s just extra cash to spend on nice things.

OwlBeThere · 05/09/2025 01:18

Pussygaloregalapagos · 05/09/2025 01:09

If they are not normal children then what are they?

Typical or typically developing is the word I hear most,

OwlBeThere · 05/09/2025 01:17

Fragmentedbrain · 04/09/2025 21:51

Extra exam and assessment time

One on one staff time

Free laptop, free other gizmos, excusal from various forms of assessment

Yes they do

Show quote history

That’s it special treatment, it’s simply to make things equitable with everyone else. The vast majority of kids with SEND don’t get 1 to 1 time, or any ‘free gizmos’. Do you have any idea the cost of things as simple as coloured lenses for kids with visual stress or screen reader software for visual impairments?

OwlBeThere · 05/09/2025 01:12

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 19:47

Oh great, another word for the bleeding hearts to get offended about.

I object to SEND children being called 'special needs'.
Why are they special? Are my non-disabled chidren not special?

It’s not saying THEY are special, it’s that they have needs that are special. As if you’re insulted about not having disabled kids.

Yellowlife · 05/09/2025 01:11

Typical is the usual word ime.

Pussygaloregalapagos · 05/09/2025 01:09

If they are not normal children then what are they?

Yellowlife · 05/09/2025 00:58

I have an autistic DC and this doesn’t bother me OP. The correct lingo is ‘typical’ or ‘typically developing’ rather than ‘normal’, but you won’t know that unless you actually have a child with additional needs. There’s no need to get upset with people just because they don’t know something that’s not exactly an everyday term for most.

Lanu · 05/09/2025 00:52

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 19:47

Oh great, another word for the bleeding hearts to get offended about.

I object to SEND children being called 'special needs'.
Why are they special? Are my non-disabled chidren not special?

Your comment is ridiculous and shows a complete lack of thinking in your ankle-breaking rush to be nasty about it.

SEND is Special Educational Needs - not 'Special Children's Needs.'

Trendyname · 05/09/2025 00:43

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 23:10

Exactly. You have to demonstrate need, not expense.
Just because an ADHD child may need extra watching over or guidance doesn't mean they cost more like for like compared to other nt kids. No medical equipment, expensive adaptations, frequent hospital trips etc as you would expect with other illnesses and disabilities.
Literally 1k extra each month to spend on what they like as a family, oh and of course a club or two to burn off the child's extra energy or improve their mental health (my nt children would also like and benefit from clubs but we don't qualify for extra money)

This is relevent because it's just another example of how SEN children and their families absolutely do get 'special' treatment and extra opportunities, as per pp.

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You are not a very nice person for having such attitude against sen children.

Trendyname · 05/09/2025 00:36

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 19:47

Oh great, another word for the bleeding hearts to get offended about.

I object to SEND children being called 'special needs'.
Why are they special? Are my non-disabled chidren not special?

You are being very self centred. Be grateful that your children don’t have any additional needs.
So what those with additional needs are called special needs. They are not called special and even if they were can’t you find some kindness for the hardship they and their parents go to let go of the word special.

BengalBangle · 05/09/2025 00:18

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 22:15

Don't forget the extra DLA and associated UC disabled child elements- for a child on HRC this can be over 1k extra each and every month... and when the child has ADHD or autism for example they don't really have any more added expenses than other children who don't qualify for all this extra money.

Show quote history

ODFOD.

BengalBangle · 05/09/2025 00:14

Oh, brilliant. Another thread wherein parents of children with SEN and parents of those children without SEN argue/debate acceptable vs unacceptable lingo.
As a parent of two children with SEN, I don't get worked up by people using the word 'normal', as it doesn't make me think or feel that my children are abnormal.
All the NT vs ND, Allistic vs Autistic, SEN vs non-SEN on MN/FB etc is bloody tiresome.
And, the thread title really did not require a trigger warning.

cringeywed · 05/09/2025 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LaughingCat · 05/09/2025 00:04

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 23:51

DLA high rate care £110 per week
DLA low rate mobility £29.20 a week

UC disabled child element £495 per month... well over a grand a month extra, and all disregarded for other benefits.

Not to mention the parents can then claim carers allowance etc.

You should get on it quick if your child has a firm diagnosis. Seems you are missing out big time.

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But you don’t get that unless you can prove (very bloody difficult) that your child with ADHD or autism requires that money. Which is virtually impossible, unless you are severely disabled with it.

Where are you getting your info from? I swear, this is the new lazy-person’s ‘everyone on benefits is cheating the system’ bollocks. Stop parroting utter drivel.

cringeywed · 05/09/2025 00:04

I can see why it bothers some people but I can’t get worked up over it. I think sometimes people mean typical rather than normal.

One thing that does annoy me though is when parents say my child IS insert SEND your child isn’t ADHD.

BollyKnickerz · 05/09/2025 00:03

It's not nice sounding, no. But I'd imagine it's clumsily worded. Normal can translate to 'standard' 'ordinary' and I suppose it can mean 'without additional needs' . I don't think it's meant offensively, but I can see how it would be offensive sounding to others. I guess it all comes down to intent.

x2boys · 05/09/2025 00:01

Chocolatecoveredshitpig · 04/09/2025 23:37

What the actual fuck are you drivelling on about?? I have a child with ADHD and, with the exception of child benefit, we get the grand total of absolutely fuck all from the government*, let alone £1000 a month. I don’t know anyone with a child who has ADHD or ASD who gets £1k a month free money. What a load of bollocks.
*my DD does get extra time in exams, sorry if that offends you

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Well some do but it's generally those that have very complex disabilities.

Petitchat · 05/09/2025 00:00

GagMeWithASpoon · 04/09/2025 21:50

SEN kids don’t get special treatment either.

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They do. They get special educational treatment (if they're lucky)

x2boys · 04/09/2025 23:59

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 23:51

DLA high rate care £110 per week
DLA low rate mobility £29.20 a week

UC disabled child element £495 per month... well over a grand a month extra, and all disregarded for other benefits.

Not to mention the parents can then claim carers allowance etc.

You should get on it quick if your child has a firm diagnosis. Seems you are missing out big time.

Show quote history

That's just not true again it goes on NEED!

x2boys · 04/09/2025 23:57

Montereyjaaack · 04/09/2025 23:31

The “opposite” of a child with SEND is not JUST a “neurotypical “ child.

To suggest it would be is to suggest that SEND is just “neurodivergent” conditions and not multiple other conditions and diseases that cause the D part of SEND (disability) - heart conditions, joint conditions, mitochondrial disorders, endocrine disorders, other rare genetic disorders, cerebral palsy, kidney problems etc etc…

A neurotypical child can also be physically profoundly disabled.

The dialogue around children with special educational needs and disabilities has become synonymous with ASD and ADHD when in fact the needs some children described as having SEND frequently go beyond “educational needs” and are extensive, stressful, financially devastating, painful and often life-shortening.

SEND (or not being “normal”) often goes way beyond getting 1-1 attention in school or a fucking laptop.

Is it “awful” to refer to any person who does not have needs of this type as “normal”…? No. Normal isn’t an insult.

I refer to people without the kinds of needs or disabilities that put them into SEND categories as “regular “ children. If that’s offensive- as the parent of a PMLD child I couldn’t give a fuck to be honest. People will obviously go looking for offence where none is intended.

My son is autistic but he's severely disabled by it ,non verbal ,very limited understanding of the world around him at 15 he's cognitively around two or three years of age honestly I would lose the autism diagnosis aa it does nothing to describe his needs.

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 23:51

Chocolatecoveredshitpig · 04/09/2025 23:37

What the actual fuck are you drivelling on about?? I have a child with ADHD and, with the exception of child benefit, we get the grand total of absolutely fuck all from the government*, let alone £1000 a month. I don’t know anyone with a child who has ADHD or ASD who gets £1k a month free money. What a load of bollocks.
*my DD does get extra time in exams, sorry if that offends you

Show quote history

DLA high rate care £110 per week
DLA low rate mobility £29.20 a week

UC disabled child element £495 per month... well over a grand a month extra, and all disregarded for other benefits.

Not to mention the parents can then claim carers allowance etc.

You should get on it quick if your child has a firm diagnosis. Seems you are missing out big time.

Change2banon · 04/09/2025 23:46

Fragmentedbrain · 04/09/2025 21:51

Extra exam and assessment time

One on one staff time

Free laptop, free other gizmos, excusal from various forms of assessment

Yes they do

Show quote history

Complete ignorance on your part. You should be ashamed of yourself.

WhoaaaBodyform · 04/09/2025 23:41

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 23:10

Exactly. You have to demonstrate need, not expense.
Just because an ADHD child may need extra watching over or guidance doesn't mean they cost more like for like compared to other nt kids. No medical equipment, expensive adaptations, frequent hospital trips etc as you would expect with other illnesses and disabilities.
Literally 1k extra each month to spend on what they like as a family, oh and of course a club or two to burn off the child's extra energy or improve their mental health (my nt children would also like and benefit from clubs but we don't qualify for extra money)

This is relevent because it's just another example of how SEN children and their families absolutely do get 'special' treatment and extra opportunities, as per pp.

Show quote history

Well it won’t be for long, if Reform get anywhere near parliament they’ll stop all these payments within days of taking over. SEN is far too “woke” for them, so we would all need to get used to the term “normal”.

nomas · 04/09/2025 23:37

Not a phrase I would ever use but I wouldn’t automatically think the person was awful, especially if tey don’t work in SEND.

Do they work in SEND?

Chocolatecoveredshitpig · 04/09/2025 23:37

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 23:10

Exactly. You have to demonstrate need, not expense.
Just because an ADHD child may need extra watching over or guidance doesn't mean they cost more like for like compared to other nt kids. No medical equipment, expensive adaptations, frequent hospital trips etc as you would expect with other illnesses and disabilities.
Literally 1k extra each month to spend on what they like as a family, oh and of course a club or two to burn off the child's extra energy or improve their mental health (my nt children would also like and benefit from clubs but we don't qualify for extra money)

This is relevent because it's just another example of how SEN children and their families absolutely do get 'special' treatment and extra opportunities, as per pp.

Show quote history

What the actual fuck are you drivelling on about?? I have a child with ADHD and, with the exception of child benefit, we get the grand total of absolutely fuck all from the government*, let alone £1000 a month. I don’t know anyone with a child who has ADHD or ASD who gets £1k a month free money. What a load of bollocks.
*my DD does get extra time in exams, sorry if that offends you

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