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To think this is a really awful thing to say? Tw

238 replies

Goldyy · 04/09/2025 19:39

Referring to children who don’t have behavioural issues or SEND as ‘normal’ children?

OP posts:
x2boys · 05/09/2025 21:37

Chobby · 05/09/2025 21:01

Exactly. I can’t actually fathom the fact that people seem to resent parents of disabled kids from getting ‘free stuff’, as though they’re… jealous? I’d far rather my child could live a normal life, access mainstream education, not need a fucking taxi to a school miles away. Wouldn’t anyone?

Agreed and I would be happy to give up the DLA and mobility car etc if it meant my son could Talk and live an independent life.

Chobby · 05/09/2025 21:01

pinklemonade84 · 05/09/2025 20:51

I think what's awful is that there are people who clearly begrudge children with additional needs and their families extra financial support, support in school or even taxis to allow them to access an education. To be jealous of someone being given equal access to an education etc is just disgusting

I'd certainly prefer my child not to need extra support. Or for her not to have meltdowns where she hurts herself. Or for her not to make herself sick from anxiety because she struggles so much at school

I hope they never have to worry about their child or children the way that parents do whose child has these additional needs

Exactly. I can’t actually fathom the fact that people seem to resent parents of disabled kids from getting ‘free stuff’, as though they’re… jealous? I’d far rather my child could live a normal life, access mainstream education, not need a fucking taxi to a school miles away. Wouldn’t anyone?

pinklemonade84 · 05/09/2025 20:51

I think what's awful is that there are people who clearly begrudge children with additional needs and their families extra financial support, support in school or even taxis to allow them to access an education. To be jealous of someone being given equal access to an education etc is just disgusting

I'd certainly prefer my child not to need extra support. Or for her not to have meltdowns where she hurts herself. Or for her not to make herself sick from anxiety because she struggles so much at school

I hope they never have to worry about their child or children the way that parents do whose child has these additional needs

Petitchat · 05/09/2025 20:39

Montereyjaaack · 05/09/2025 09:07

Ah the free £1,000 nonsense.

Let’s leave out many parents of children with additional needs cannot work full time, even half time as it were because there is no provision for SEND children outside school, no adequate childminder/wraparound etc care.

So one salary families or single parent with very limited employment opportunities (who if qualifying as carer’s can only work 16 hours a week at low wages or they lose Carer’s Allowance) are allegedly getting FREE money - in a welfare State that also provides benefits for funerals, bereaved family, the unemployed, the sick or disabled who cannot work, the pension age, maternity statutory pay, statutory sick pay etc… Just parents with disabled children getting “free” money, while the others mentioned get what… paid for money?

Let’s ignore that not every family with a child or children with additional needs qualifies for Universal Credit (mine does not).

Let’s ignore facts such as:
Incontinence pads - a necessity for children who are doubly incontinent. At the cost (in my case) of usually £14 per 14 pads (2 days supply), over a month’s period is (in a 30 day month) of £210.
A cost that no parent of a typical child has to fund past being a baby or toddler.

Lets ignore the cost of washing 2-3 loads of washing from various bodily secretions or drying in winter or electricity to do this or the electricity costs of additional hoists or hospital beds etc.

Motability cars - the FREE 🙄 gem of complaints. Requiring noon-refundable deposits of anything from £4,000 -£24,000 depending on the requirements of the user.
All of the Mobility component of DLA or PIP goes directly to the charity (Motability).

DLA - once Motability payment is removed at source is £400 approximately per month. Which obviously covers clothing, shoes, school needs, and social needs (basic human needs) etc for her … but there is no salary replacement for my lost earnings.

Travel to SEND schools requires additional time and petrol - or those free taxis that concern so many (prescribed in law by the way for children to be able to get to school safely).

If I can get a FREE £1,000 a month can some of you clever people who believe this is the case please tell me how to do it?

Id love not to be in debt because my child is disabled.

I would love to not have to face paying £16,000 for a powered wheelchair (still don’t know how I will) or whatever to Motability for her next WAV (due in a year) when I work 10 hours a week in term time only.

I am qualified to PhD level and have had plenty of full time well paid jobs. Now I am awake from 2am most nights and as per the above, broke.

I’d love to have the luxury of being a goady cunt because I can’t stand to see someone (less able) else get “something” that I don’t.

Just wanted to say something which may help.
I'm sure you would be able to get the incontinence pads on nhs and delivered to your home.
I'm doubly incontinent and receive this service.

You start with GP, requesting a referral to your local incontinence service. Then an assessment of eligibility, a bit of jumping through hoops (as per usual) but worth it in the end.

I was paying for mine for years before some kind nurse told me about this service.
It's a medical condition so of course you're entitled to nhs services.
Good luck, this would alleviate some of the financial pressure.

Chobby · 05/09/2025 20:31

GagMeWithASpoon · 05/09/2025 20:18

What? No free goats? How disappointing!!

No flat screen TVs either 😔

GagMeWithASpoon · 05/09/2025 20:18

Fragmentedbrain · 05/09/2025 07:03

It's special treatment sucking the lifeblood from mainstream education.

Did I mention the non means tested free taxis everywhere?

What? No free goats? How disappointing!!

OwlBeThere · 05/09/2025 20:05

Fragmentedbrain · 05/09/2025 07:03

It's special treatment sucking the lifeblood from mainstream education.

Did I mention the non means tested free taxis everywhere?

What non-means tested free taxis everywhere?
my kids get taxis to college and back and that’s it. Anywhere else is on me to take them and that includes regular hospital appointments in our nearest specialist hospital -80 miles away.

SprayWhiteDung · 05/09/2025 09:44

Alicealig · 05/09/2025 02:00

Normal, means what is typical or relating to the majority. We don't need to beat around the bush with different kind of language because when you ban certain words you only achieve in making them more weaponised to those who would use them as such. Say it for what it is. Of course SEND kids aren't normal in terms of education. If we had no normal, with which to refererence then there wouldnt even be any SEND category or any other outlier category for that matter. Normal is what sets the base standard for literally everything we perceive in life.

Yes, this. We don't use the term because it's become loaded and used prejudicially; but essentially, it should just be a neutral term.

I have a medical condition that the vast majority of people don't have - meaning that they are normal and I am not, when focusing on that specific fact. It's not a value judgment or statement of superiority/inferiority - just a way of saying what is 'standard', 'default' or typical for the majority of people.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/09/2025 09:30

It’s what my 85 and 79 year old parents would say.

cringeywed · 05/09/2025 09:27

Chobby · 05/09/2025 08:55

Was that to me?

Sorry no forgot to quote the delightful fragmented brain. 😆

Hiptothisjive · 05/09/2025 09:25

Well it's a pickle. The definition of normal is usual or typical and stats show non-SEND kids do outnumber kids without SEND, so technically normal in the truest definition of 'usual'. However, feels uncomfortable to say that.

Also not a trigger warning. YABU for that.

Shinyandnew1 · 05/09/2025 09:08

I dare say most people don't even use that term anymore.

Special needs?

What do you think SEN/SEND stands for?

Montereyjaaack · 05/09/2025 09:07

Ah the free £1,000 nonsense.

Let’s leave out many parents of children with additional needs cannot work full time, even half time as it were because there is no provision for SEND children outside school, no adequate childminder/wraparound etc care.

So one salary families or single parent with very limited employment opportunities (who if qualifying as carer’s can only work 16 hours a week at low wages or they lose Carer’s Allowance) are allegedly getting FREE money - in a welfare State that also provides benefits for funerals, bereaved family, the unemployed, the sick or disabled who cannot work, the pension age, maternity statutory pay, statutory sick pay etc… Just parents with disabled children getting “free” money, while the others mentioned get what… paid for money?

Let’s ignore that not every family with a child or children with additional needs qualifies for Universal Credit (mine does not).

Let’s ignore facts such as:
Incontinence pads - a necessity for children who are doubly incontinent. At the cost (in my case) of usually £14 per 14 pads (2 days supply), over a month’s period is (in a 30 day month) of £210.
A cost that no parent of a typical child has to fund past being a baby or toddler.

Lets ignore the cost of washing 2-3 loads of washing from various bodily secretions or drying in winter or electricity to do this or the electricity costs of additional hoists or hospital beds etc.

Motability cars - the FREE 🙄 gem of complaints. Requiring noon-refundable deposits of anything from £4,000 -£24,000 depending on the requirements of the user.
All of the Mobility component of DLA or PIP goes directly to the charity (Motability).

DLA - once Motability payment is removed at source is £400 approximately per month. Which obviously covers clothing, shoes, school needs, and social needs (basic human needs) etc for her … but there is no salary replacement for my lost earnings.

Travel to SEND schools requires additional time and petrol - or those free taxis that concern so many (prescribed in law by the way for children to be able to get to school safely).

If I can get a FREE £1,000 a month can some of you clever people who believe this is the case please tell me how to do it?

Id love not to be in debt because my child is disabled.

I would love to not have to face paying £16,000 for a powered wheelchair (still don’t know how I will) or whatever to Motability for her next WAV (due in a year) when I work 10 hours a week in term time only.

I am qualified to PhD level and have had plenty of full time well paid jobs. Now I am awake from 2am most nights and as per the above, broke.

I’d love to have the luxury of being a goady cunt because I can’t stand to see someone (less able) else get “something” that I don’t.

Osmosisfreight · 05/09/2025 08:59

Fragmentedbrain · 05/09/2025 07:03

It's special treatment sucking the lifeblood from mainstream education.

Did I mention the non means tested free taxis everywhere?

Maybe our government should stop wasting money on far fetched Rwandan schemes, money for war, failed H2S lines and put some more money into the NHS and Education so there are enough school places and specialised schools for SEN children? Why are SEN children not entitled to attend school? Your views are very closed minded and you are lucky that you do not have to live in the SEN and ND worlds! Some parents have a constant battle to get their children the proper care are or we not allowed to use a system we pay tax into?

x2boys · 05/09/2025 08:56

Chobby · 05/09/2025 08:55

Was that to me?

No a pp said something about free taxis everywhere which we no just isn't true.

Chobby · 05/09/2025 08:55

cringeywed · 05/09/2025 08:54

free taxis everywhere? Or just to their place of education? 🥰

someone woke up on the the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Was that to me?

cringeywed · 05/09/2025 08:54

free taxis everywhere? Or just to their place of education? 🥰

someone woke up on the the wrong side of the bed this morning.

cringeywed · 05/09/2025 08:52

LuLuLemonDrizzleCake · 05/09/2025 08:45

Tbh, when 40% of the school population have SEND or have been told they have SEND, it stops becoming "special" anyway

Is it 40%? I haven’t seen that figure.

Chobby · 05/09/2025 08:51

I’m honestly gobsmacked that there appears to be people on here that somehow think we’re winning by having a child with SEND.
I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in 6 years. My DH and I haven’t been out together, without kids for the same amount of time as childcare for children with SEND is very difficult to come by. My child has to travel 45 miles each way to go to school instead of going to the lovely mainstream primary I can see out of my front door, that his 2 sisters thrived at. When he’s not at school it is constant vigilance as he has no concept of safety. Any ‘spare’ time is taken up with SALT, occupation therapy etc. His two sisters have to put up with getting a lot less attention than they deserve, because of the above. He is massively underweight due to ARFID, and we also attend many appointments due to that.
He is still non verbal and will likely never live an independent life.
Tell me again how DLA and free taxis are somehow letting me live a life of luxury??

LuLuLemonDrizzleCake · 05/09/2025 08:45

Tbh, when 40% of the school population have SEND or have been told they have SEND, it stops becoming "special" anyway

Chobby · 05/09/2025 08:44

JambonetFromage · 05/09/2025 08:39

It’s either

a) these are their genuinely held beliefs about how the benefit system works

or

b) thry don’t believe it but just get their entertainment winding up parents of children with disabilities snd SEN

Not sure which is more depressing.

I’m just wondering when I get my free £1k!

JambonetFromage · 05/09/2025 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It’s either

a) these are their genuinely held beliefs about how the benefit system works

or

b) thry don’t believe it but just get their entertainment winding up parents of children with disabilities snd SEN

Not sure which is more depressing.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 05/09/2025 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Additional needs, is what i hear from my son’s school these days.

Plastictreees · 05/09/2025 08:21

dontcomeatme · 05/09/2025 06:32

Some pp have clearly never heard the saying "equity over equality". Not a very nice thread to read through 🫤

But OP my best friends oldest DC is disabled, she will never walk, talk and will wear nappies all her life. My friend refers to her other kids as "normal" with the air quotes whenever she is trying to explain something relevant. Sometimes in the moment there isn't another word, I wouldn't get too worked up about it.

Quite. Disgusting attitudes on here. People should be ashamed.

Chobby · 05/09/2025 08:13

BlackeyedSusan · 05/09/2025 07:36

🤣

Not a fucking clue!

No additional expenses!

No, DLA does not cover the extra expenses for autistic kids.

I wish someone would tell my autistic child that he shouldn’t have any additional expenses! From the new school shoes every half term because he somehow completely destroys them, the humongous water bill because showers are the only thing that regulate him when he’s suffering from sensory overload, to the speech therapy we have to pay for because the NHS have provided one session in the past 3 years, to the fact that extra curricular activities for SEN children cost significantly more than those for NT children, the specialist diet because he suffers from ARFID, and everything in between that…
I have 2 NT children and 1 autistic child, so I have a direct comparator. Yes, he costs us a lot more than his NT siblings.

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