Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is a really awful thing to say? Tw

238 replies

Goldyy · 04/09/2025 19:39

Referring to children who don’t have behavioural issues or SEND as ‘normal’ children?

OP posts:
Pricelessadvice · 06/09/2025 19:34

As someone diagnosed with Asperger’s, I can categorically say that I’d never describe myself normal 😅

People get offended by the strangest things. Surely ‘normal’ is just a clumsy word for ‘typical’ in this context?

nc43214321 · 06/09/2025 19:32

Maybe ‘non SEND children’ might be better terminology.

Chobby · 06/09/2025 19:30

nc43214321 · 06/09/2025 19:27

Yes but they went to her favourite place and why couldn't she go with her friends also. It did feel very unfair as as nearly half her class went. SEND children still go on normal class school trips.

Exactly what I said… because they find life more difficult than she does, so need some extra help and support! And that she’ll have plenty of opportunities in life to do fun things that they may not be able to do/access. It sounds like you’re the one begrudging these children the trip TBH.

nc43214321 · 06/09/2025 19:27

Chobby · 06/09/2025 19:24

By telling them that those children find life tricker than she does, and require extra help/support?

Yes but they went to her favourite place and why couldn't she go with her friends also. It did feel very unfair as as nearly half her class went. SEND children still go on normal class school trips.

Chobby · 06/09/2025 19:24

nc43214321 · 06/09/2025 19:21

Yeah it’s not great, but what other terminology should be used instead? I had abit of a strange one trying to explain this to my 5 year old daughter. As school at an SEND only school trip and all my daughters friends went on it, how do I explain this to a 5 year old 🤦‍♀️

By telling them that those children find life tricker than she does, and require extra help/support?

nc43214321 · 06/09/2025 19:21

Yeah it’s not great, but what other terminology should be used instead? I had abit of a strange one trying to explain this to my 5 year old daughter. As school at an SEND only school trip and all my daughters friends went on it, how do I explain this to a 5 year old 🤦‍♀️

Chobby · 06/09/2025 19:19

Mustbeme124 · 06/09/2025 18:55

My child has adhd and we get DLA. He does part time school and can’t attend holiday clubs so I have have to work less hours and term time as we can’t use childcare and clubs. We have been waiting years for a diagnosis and had to pay private to get the help we need as he was at the point where he could no longer cope with school. We have to pay thousands of pounds each year for private adhd care and medication as nhs won’t take over care. School weren’t providing him with work so we have to fund a tutor and pay for additional resources to home educate to make up all the hours he’s missing in education. I would give up DLA in a heartbeat if it meant my child didn’t have to struggle with life like he does and it also puts a lot of stress on us as a family dealing with it all with little help from nhs and school. You sound unpleasant and ignorant. You have no idea what parents of SEN children are going through.

I think a lot of people don’t realise that it is close to impossible to get wrap around/holiday care for school aged children with complex SEND. I’ve had to drastically reduce my working hours to accommodate this. Our DLA is barely a tenth of my lost income. Not to mention the cost of therapies etc.

Mustbeme124 · 06/09/2025 18:55

TempNameForObviousReasons · 04/09/2025 23:10

Exactly. You have to demonstrate need, not expense.
Just because an ADHD child may need extra watching over or guidance doesn't mean they cost more like for like compared to other nt kids. No medical equipment, expensive adaptations, frequent hospital trips etc as you would expect with other illnesses and disabilities.
Literally 1k extra each month to spend on what they like as a family, oh and of course a club or two to burn off the child's extra energy or improve their mental health (my nt children would also like and benefit from clubs but we don't qualify for extra money)

This is relevent because it's just another example of how SEN children and their families absolutely do get 'special' treatment and extra opportunities, as per pp.

My child has adhd and we get DLA. He does part time school and can’t attend holiday clubs so I have have to work less hours and term time as we can’t use childcare and clubs. We have been waiting years for a diagnosis and had to pay private to get the help we need as he was at the point where he could no longer cope with school. We have to pay thousands of pounds each year for private adhd care and medication as nhs won’t take over care. School weren’t providing him with work so we have to fund a tutor and pay for additional resources to home educate to make up all the hours he’s missing in education. I would give up DLA in a heartbeat if it meant my child didn’t have to struggle with life like he does and it also puts a lot of stress on us as a family dealing with it all with little help from nhs and school. You sound unpleasant and ignorant. You have no idea what parents of SEN children are going through.

ValleyClouds · 06/09/2025 18:51

Plastictreees · 06/09/2025 18:23

I honestly think there’s some very lonely, bored and bitter people on this site who enjoy posting inflammatory nonsense just for attention. It’s pitiful really.

Yep. Some bloody awful posts standing on this thread!

MorrisZapp · 06/09/2025 18:32

Dontlletmedownbruce · 05/09/2025 22:53

Trigger warning? For using the word normal? Dear Lord.

I try not to use this word because it upsets people, I would use words like typical or mainstream which mean exactly the same thing, but I've no doubt someone soon will object and we'll all start using another random word meaning the same thing and pretend to be shocked and upset that we used to use these words.

My thoughts exactly. Normal is a perfectly... normal word to use to describe anything within standard parameters. My DS was really tall for his age but now he's normal height as his friends have caught up.

LlamaNoDrama · 06/09/2025 18:26

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 06/09/2025 17:24

Sen/send annoys me out of an educational context tbh.

My child has disabilities which affects her life, education is a bit of that.

What does it matter what specific educational needs my child has at a theme park, for example. Things like mobility, continence are much bigger than that.

I feel like it's a term mostly geared towards those who are ND (which my eldest is), with the D put on so people don't forget them.

I'm not sure what terms should be used as everything upsets someone.

But SEND is special educational needs and disability. I can see why SEN would be annoying. Those with asd etc also have challenges outside of school. Although if had my way the world special would just be dumped entirely.

Plastictreees · 06/09/2025 18:23

I honestly think there’s some very lonely, bored and bitter people on this site who enjoy posting inflammatory nonsense just for attention. It’s pitiful really.

Petitchat · 06/09/2025 18:15

DareMe · 06/09/2025 16:50

Some people really need to a) work on themselves and b) learn the basics of what equity actually means.

It is not ‘special treatment’ to provide a reasonable adjustment that brings the opportunity to succeed in something up to the same level as other children.

Begrudging a child, who has a significantly lower reading speed and information processing speeds as a result of disability, some extra time in an assessment is just scummy as fuck.

You're absolutely right.
I'm finding it hard to understand whether it's just lack of understanding/ knowledge or something deeper/ more sinister?

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 06/09/2025 17:24

LlamaNoDrama · 05/09/2025 21:55

I meant as in no one refers to a child in and of themselves as being 'special needs' anymore, at least not in my circles anyway! I thought this was an outdated term now. No one would say 'they're a special needs child'. They might say 'they're a child with send/sen'.

Sen/send annoys me out of an educational context tbh.

My child has disabilities which affects her life, education is a bit of that.

What does it matter what specific educational needs my child has at a theme park, for example. Things like mobility, continence are much bigger than that.

I feel like it's a term mostly geared towards those who are ND (which my eldest is), with the D put on so people don't forget them.

I'm not sure what terms should be used as everything upsets someone.

DareMe · 06/09/2025 16:50

Some people really need to a) work on themselves and b) learn the basics of what equity actually means.

It is not ‘special treatment’ to provide a reasonable adjustment that brings the opportunity to succeed in something up to the same level as other children.

Begrudging a child, who has a significantly lower reading speed and information processing speeds as a result of disability, some extra time in an assessment is just scummy as fuck.

LlamaNoDrama · 06/09/2025 16:20

Shinyandnew1 · 05/09/2025 22:20

meant as in no one refers to a child in and of themselves as being 'special needs' anymore, at least not in my circles anyway! I thought this was an outdated term now. No one would say 'they're a special needs child'. They might say 'they're a child with send/sen'.

Plenty of people refer to their child as 'having special needs'.

Yeah...that they have special needs. Not that they are special needs.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/09/2025 23:29

OwlBeThere · 05/09/2025 01:12

It’s not saying THEY are special, it’s that they have needs that are special. As if you’re insulted about not having disabled kids.

<Checks list>

We've got a spare diagnosis or two if anyone wants to be special too. Would you like the life threatening ones? Wouldn't mind getting rid of one or two of those.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 05/09/2025 22:53

Trigger warning? For using the word normal? Dear Lord.

I try not to use this word because it upsets people, I would use words like typical or mainstream which mean exactly the same thing, but I've no doubt someone soon will object and we'll all start using another random word meaning the same thing and pretend to be shocked and upset that we used to use these words.

Petitchat · 05/09/2025 22:30

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 05/09/2025 22:28

Exactly this. Can we stop this faux naive pearl clutching about fucking everything? I have a disabled and ND child. When someone uses the term "normal children" they are just collectively referring to children that fall into the standard norms of various comparable parameters, or functional regulation, as opposed to a child that does not. As well we all know

It's like my idiot neighbour where if you say "you look nice today" she has to give a snarky "oh, do I not usually look nice then?". Do fuck off dear, I was paying you a compliment, as you very well know too.

I know. Irritating, isn't it?
Life's too short, can't be bothered......

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 05/09/2025 22:28

AlanAtSnapeMaltings · 04/09/2025 20:27

Meh. I've never heard neurotypical outside of mn. My daughter falls under SEN.

Whenever Ive heard people refer to "normal" it's generally just a clumsy way for them to say NT. I dont think Ive ever heard it used in a way to make SEN or ND kids feel inferior or less.

I think if people arent involved in SEN in some way (eg all their kids and all their friends kids are NT) then they dont necessarily have the language. I dont think, in most cases "normal" is meant to insupt anyone.

Exactly this. Can we stop this faux naive pearl clutching about fucking everything? I have a disabled and ND child. When someone uses the term "normal children" they are just collectively referring to children that fall into the standard norms of various comparable parameters, or functional regulation, as opposed to a child that does not. As well we all know

It's like my idiot neighbour where if you say "you look nice today" she has to give a snarky "oh, do I not usually look nice then?". Do fuck off dear, I was paying you a compliment, as you very well know too.

Shinyandnew1 · 05/09/2025 22:20

meant as in no one refers to a child in and of themselves as being 'special needs' anymore, at least not in my circles anyway! I thought this was an outdated term now. No one would say 'they're a special needs child'. They might say 'they're a child with send/sen'.

Plenty of people refer to their child as 'having special needs'.

OnetwoThree123456 · 05/09/2025 22:00

Get a grip…

LlamaNoDrama · 05/09/2025 21:58

Fragmentedbrain · 05/09/2025 07:03

It's special treatment sucking the lifeblood from mainstream education.

Did I mention the non means tested free taxis everywhere?

Yes, we should just lock 'them' all up at home unseen by the masses for fear of causing offence.

LlamaNoDrama · 05/09/2025 21:55

Shinyandnew1 · 05/09/2025 09:08

I dare say most people don't even use that term anymore.

Special needs?

What do you think SEN/SEND stands for?

I meant as in no one refers to a child in and of themselves as being 'special needs' anymore, at least not in my circles anyway! I thought this was an outdated term now. No one would say 'they're a special needs child'. They might say 'they're a child with send/sen'.

x2boys · 05/09/2025 21:41

Petitchat · 05/09/2025 20:39

Just wanted to say something which may help.
I'm sure you would be able to get the incontinence pads on nhs and delivered to your home.
I'm doubly incontinent and receive this service.

You start with GP, requesting a referral to your local incontinence service. Then an assessment of eligibility, a bit of jumping through hoops (as per usual) but worth it in the end.

I was paying for mine for years before some kind nurse told me about this service.
It's a medical condition so of course you're entitled to nhs services.
Good luck, this would alleviate some of the financial pressure.

I hope you get enough, when my son was doubly incontinent, we got three nappies a day yes it helped ,but we still had to get extra .