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Original poster

Compulsory swimming lessons

62 replies

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 04/09/2025 18:19

My DD10 is in a social and communication unit attached to a mainstream school and is diagnosed ASD. I've just been informed that this year includes compulsory swimming lessons as part of PE. I fully agree swimming is a necessary life skill and I want her to have the lessons.

However she is the only girl in her class along with 7 boys (all great friends and not been an issue for the past 2 years) and she is going through puberty. Her breasts are starting to grow and she has some pubic hair. DD is very private with her body and doesn't allow me to be in her room when she's changing and only reluctantly allows me in the bathroom to wash her hair where she sits in the bath with her hands covering her boobs.

How do I navigate this? What swimwear is easy to get on/off, she does struggle a little still with dressing and sometimes needs a hand but only once her underwear is on which obviously will not be the case at swimming. Also related she struggles to get dressed after her bath like most DC do when they insist on drying themselves and will sometimes get her bra/knickers twisted and needs help adjusting them.
What questions do I need to ask the school in regards to how they intend to get the children changed? Obviously we are working on her independence and have been for years but there are still some things she struggles with and these won't be sorted before the lessons.
Do I agree to the lessons full stop or do I attend with her?

I've literally only just been informed of this so I admit I'm spiralling slightly, can anyone help just talk this through with me please?

OP posts:
EatSleepDreamRepeat · 06/09/2025 21:48

If her hair is long and she can tolerate plaits then she will just be able to squeeze them with a towel. Will the school maybe allow and help with one of those microfibre hair towels on the way back? We have one from Home Bargains.

Decathlon do swimming shorts and rash vests. I'm sure loads of other places too. A two piece of some description will be miles easier. And will be able to wear under clothes and go to the loo in all day.

I totally understand how you feel when these things come up. It's so complicated. Going ahead of time sounds good. Teachers sound amazing and I'm sure your daughter will be in great hands.

Pinkbananaa · 06/09/2025 21:42

Amazon.co.uk : zip up swimsuit girls https://share.google/horAOKpC95BVUpRtj.

What about this op? Can get short or long sleeves easier to get on and off. Can come as all in one with shorts.

drspouse · 06/09/2025 21:42

My DS has dyspraxia and he's 13 now but only been swimming with school for about a year.
I made sure he was changing independently way before this, easier I suppose if it's me taking him not DH. "Busy now, I'll get to you in a minute... Oh you've done your shorts ok I'll just run and check your sister... Oh well done... Oh I'm going to get a coffee, meet me in the cafe".
The last battle was his locker key wristband and the last two times we went to the sports centre I had a gym class and he was swimming and he did it himself because I wasn't there.

FurForksSake · 06/09/2025 21:40

Talc is very, very rarely used as some brands were linked to I believe cervical cancer. My kids are 10 and 12 and never seen it! We’ve been swimming two - three times a week for 10 years and i can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen it. It would make the floors horrid and they are bad enough!

Pinkbananaa · 06/09/2025 21:40

Talc would be considered sensory it's not something my son would like on his skin.

Pinkbananaa · 06/09/2025 21:39

My son is Autistic and gets short breaks grants for swimming lessons. Best to check with your local council.

BrownOwlknowsbest · 06/09/2025 21:38

Do children not learn to apply talc as the last stage of getting dry these days? It would solve the problem of clothes sticking to damp skin. Or is that just too complicated for ND children?

Pinkbananaa · 06/09/2025 21:37

Im a school swimming teacher and we have restrictions on two piece suits or low cut suits incase it goes down or riding up.You can get one piece that zips up and is easier to get on and off depends on the centres policy. You can get poncho towels or wrap around which will help with changing.

Talkingfrog · 06/09/2025 21:27

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 06/09/2025 20:58

I hope you are not celiac as you've enough going on and as much as I'm grateful you understand the brain fog I really wish you didn't

Thanks. Results could race a while, but at least I will know either way.

Original poster
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 06/09/2025 20:58

I hope you are not celiac as you've enough going on and as much as I'm grateful you understand the brain fog I really wish you didn't

OP posts:
Talkingfrog · 06/09/2025 19:58

Also perimenopausal, hacd underactive thyroid and waiting for results for possibly being celiac. Completely understand the brain fog 🙂

Original poster
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 06/09/2025 18:25

And once again you awesome strangers in my phone have helped me! @Talkingfrog it didn't occur to me to book and check timings for our practice run! I promise I'm a competent human and actually reasonably intelligent but perimenopause really has stopped my brain from braining on the most random things!

@MonsterBoo the letter sent home says compulsory swimming lessons but if I refused they would absolutely accept that. However I do really want her to have the lessons as I can't afford them privately (especially as I'd need an ASD competent instructor) and I do think its a valuable life skill to learn.

@Thortour we have been looking at some vest/short combos and she's a bit unsure as she thinks she will be in trouble if she chooses anything but a one piece suit. Her teacher will reassure her about this on Monday and then we can look again next week, unfortunately I think a swim t-shirt would be pushing it too far and she would feel more uncomfortable wearing one as it isn't "proper" but I appreciate you taking the time to post with your suggestion as it might well help another parent facing this who comes across this post.

It's funny really that I have zero concerns at all about the actual in the pool bit (I do forsee some minor issues but I'm confident that the staff will help her overcome these) all my anxiety and spiralling has all been about the bit before and after getting into the water!

OP posts:
Thortour · 05/09/2025 22:16

She could wear a swim T-shirt and swim shorts.

MonsterBoo · 05/09/2025 22:15

I don't think they are compulsory my daughter was at a mainstream primary and they refused to take her on lessons

Talkingfrog · 05/09/2025 22:00

Great updates.
If you haven't already, might be worth checking times the pool is open at the weekend. Our local pools have lessons etc so not open all day for public swimming.

Also, whilst you can swim without booking, some public sessions are more popular and fill up.
Ours has an app to book, ut you may also be able to see how many spaces are left to see if there is a slightly quieter session.
Enjoy your swim

Original poster
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 05/09/2025 18:28

I hadn't even considered periods as she hasn't started yet (and hopefully she will be 15 like i was, I'd have hated to start aged 10!) but obviously puberty is happening as her body is changing so its definitely something to be aware of and have contingency plans for so thank you to the PPs who mentioned it.
Thankfully swim cap is optional as I can't see her tolerating it tbh and her lovely teacher advised the leisure centre has a big basket of goggles for the children to borrow so I'll wait and see although I suspect she will definitely want to wear them so if she does then I can get her her own if she wants them.
She is currently in crop top bras but I don't think I can put off a "proper" fitting for much longer, the ones with the front zip look fabulous and I'm a little annoyed I didn't realise these existed as they would also be great for me with my disabilities!
Thank you to everyone again for taking the time to post, it really is so helpful as a solo parent just to chat these things through and especially helpful given you lovely lot have pointed out things I hadn't even thought about! My friend has offered to look after DS next weekend so DD and I can go check out the pool and changing area, I just hope my old maternity swimming costume fits lol

OP posts:
Fedupwiththecuts · 05/09/2025 14:10

So much great advice on here already and Im glad school are being supportive.
I've taken children with ASD swimming and the main issues we faced were noise, sensory overload, changing and an exit plan if things were overwhelming.
Some of those things will be mitigated if its just the 8 of them going and individual changing areas.
I definitely recommend going there with her first so you can talk it through.
Exit plan wise, it just depends on how well she'll tolerate the experience. I had one child who would run so we made sure they knew where a safe exit and waiting area was and they went there if it was tricky. (Adult could then be there with a towel.) Thankfully the pool and instructors were really accommodating so it was fine but helpful to have a back up plan.

FuzzyWolf · 05/09/2025 14:02

I’m glad the school has replied and is being helpful.

They are expensive if you or your daughter aren’t likely to continue with swimming but dry robes are useful to get changed under. You can get cheaper versions or possibly borrow one from someone if just for a few sessions?

As your daughter is going through puberty, I’d also recommend period swimwear if her periods have started already.

I hope all goes well for her.

Periperi2025 · 05/09/2025 13:59

Pack a spare pair of pants and socks in a small sandwich bag in the bottom of her school bag, so that if she drops them onto the wet floor she has spares. It will take the pressure off her a bit when she is changing after swimming.

littlemousebigcheese · 05/09/2025 13:58

Had this with my daughter. They let her put her costume on at school so it was under her clothes when they arrived at the centre. I went with her for every lesson to help walk and be around if she needed help and for afterwards she had her own cubicle as the group one would have been too noisy and distracting

AmyDudley · 05/09/2025 13:56

MiddleAgedDread · 05/09/2025 13:42

I wear racer back sports bras and there is NOTHING easy about getting them on or off, particularly in a warm damp pool changing room!!
Go for cropped tops with straight straps if she can't do a classic bra clip, or doesn't need that level of support yet. Any branded as sports bra will be more supportive and harder to get on and off.

Show quote history

Oh we have different experiences then, I do a lot of swimming and find them quite easy despite having problems with my hands. Who'd have thought one person could have a different outlook from another ?

In any case you'll see my reponse to OP included crop tops, I was really just directing her to the Next website where they have many different tops and Op can make her choice as to what if any would suit her DD, I'm sure she's quite capable of doing that.

Meanwile you might want to check your rudeometer it didn't go off when it should have, maybe needs new batteries.

MiddleAgedDread · 05/09/2025 13:42

AmyDudley · 05/09/2025 13:09

Does her bra have a clip? If so one of those pull on crop top/sports bra type things might be easier for her and less likely to get twisted. Next have some plain cotton ones.

https://www.next.co.uk/style/st424951/d68757#d68757

apologies if I'm stating the obvious.

I wear racer back sports bras and there is NOTHING easy about getting them on or off, particularly in a warm damp pool changing room!!
Go for cropped tops with straight straps if she can't do a classic bra clip, or doesn't need that level of support yet. Any branded as sports bra will be more supportive and harder to get on and off.

AmyDudley · 05/09/2025 13:09

Does her bra have a clip? If so one of those pull on crop top/sports bra type things might be easier for her and less likely to get twisted. Next have some plain cotton ones.

https://www.next.co.uk/style/st424951/d68757#d68757

apologies if I'm stating the obvious.

Buy White Racer Sports Bra (7-16yrs) from the Next UK online shop

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https://www.next.co.uk/style/st424951/d68757#d68757

PragmaticIsh · 05/09/2025 12:58

You can get period swimsuits now, like period pants but okay for swimming. Might be necessary at some point. DD has a swimsuit with built-in slight padding, a bit like a lightly padded crop top inside the swimsuit and the legs are shorts rather than traditional knicker shape. Sensory issues meant we ordered a few and DD tried them on at home as she's very particular about width of straps, seams etc.

Will your DD need to wear a swim cap? Might be worth asking as some schools insist on it.