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AIBU?

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DSD, houseshare and the Cleaner

232 replies

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 18:04

So go on, I'll do one. It isn't a major issue. Just one that came up lately.

DSD is in Uni and she is in a houseshare with two others. One person has their partner stay at least 50% of the time without paying more but DSD doesn't care. Rent, utilities and bills are comfortably covered by the 3. Her mum and dad help her out - she works a bit, too, but her course is demanding of time and academic work so she can't work as much as the average uni student. Most people in her class do not work.

DSD is a great young woman and always has been. She contributes in all ways in both her family homes. Great with her younger siblings, changed nappies, will wash bins, whatever. No complaints at all. What I want you to take from that is that she isn't incapable or lazy.

In the houseshare, they sensibly came up with some basic ground rules about cleaning up after themselves as they go and, the focus of this thread, they would rotate doing a deep clean of all the communal areas. So once every three weeks, it's DSD's turn to do the two reception rooms, two bathrooms (one she doesnt use as her bedroom is downstairs), kitchen and hallways/stairs.

As I said earlier, her mum and dad cover her expenses plus she has loans and works a bit. I thought my contribution could be to pay for a cleaner to do her turn every three weeks (£50). I actually suggested it when she told us about the arrangement. However, the other housemates haven't been happy about it.

The first issue was that they didnt want the cleaner to be there unaccompanied, even though they all lock their rooms. Me and her dad said fair enough, not everyone is okay with that and it is a shared space. But really it seems they're not okay with her not actually doing it herself. However, DSD really likes the idea. She does find it somewhat different to clean the bathroom behind people who arent family.

They went to the LL about it and the LL said they have no issues and there isnt anything they could do to make her stop especially as she's there, too. I really think the LL likes the idea of a pro cleaner coming in regularly tbh.

We've said that she should basically ignore them and we've carried on hiring the cleaner.

And just to point out from my extensive background, the cleaner is cleaning one bathroom DSD never uses AND there is actually a fourth person who is there regularly but doesn't pay and doesn't take a turn. All of which DSD doesn't complain or care about at all.

So, are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Robin67 · 04/09/2025 18:42

In that case, the boyfriend that stays over can also be vetoed. Or pay and contribute to the cleaning rota. @PinkArt

murasaki · 04/09/2025 18:41

SoScarletItWas · 04/09/2025 18:41

Hmmmm, I agree on paper it doesn’t matter because her share is getting done.

But I can see that their noses might be a bit out of joint as it gives the impression that DSD views her time as more important than theirs and she can dodge her chores by throwing your money at them. It’s a bit… Common People!!

True but if the boyfriend paid his way they could all share a cleaner!

NoMumLeftBehindLiz · 04/09/2025 18:41

I suspect what her housemates really dislike about this arrangement is that it feels “unfair” to them and the “no stranger unattended” thing is a red herring. If I were cleaning up after my housemates and then watched them pay someone else to do their share I would feel a bit put out too. I think it might cause long term bad feeling between them if this continues so if it was me I would find another way to support her.

SoScarletItWas · 04/09/2025 18:41

Hmmmm, I agree on paper it doesn’t matter because her share is getting done.

But I can see that their noses might be a bit out of joint as it gives the impression that DSD views her time as more important than theirs and she can dodge her chores by throwing your money at them. It’s a bit… Common People!!

SausageRoll2020 · 04/09/2025 18:40

The housemates have nothing to complain about. She ensures the cleaning gets done her week, it doesn't matter how she does that.
Part of a house share is a accepting that there will be people who are strangers to you there, as your housemates can invite guests etc Valuables should be kept in locked private rooms.

PinkArt · 04/09/2025 18:35

It comes across like you think your option about this matters more than the opinions of the others who actually live there. If they aren't happy with a stranger coming into their house every couple of weeks then that should be respected.

murasaki · 04/09/2025 18:05

Her share is getting done, so it's none of their business, especially the one who has basically moved a freeloader in.