DSD, houseshare and the Cleaner

I wonder how this all went down in the end @Ihavetoask

Then the cleaner doesn’t do it and they’ve successfully created more work for themselves. While they can do what you suggested, the outcome of that isn’t that the DSD personally does the cleaning herself.

It’s also probably not a good idea to get into a power play with the landlord who won’t struggle to replace them in a university town/city.

What’s the chances that the other two get all their mates around to sit in the lounge when the cleaner comes, whilst a few others decide that the cleaner’s arrival time should coincide with them cooking up a massive curry, and someone has the shits and has to sit on the toilet for a couple of hours.

If these two really don’t want the cleaner, then the DSD tattiling to the LL and getting her way (or rather her step mother getting her way) won’t make a blind bit of difference. They will make the point that one person can’t force something on them even if it’s permitted by the LL.

This answer is just downright unpleasant.

You're getting your way whilst the actual people living in the house get no say.

OP - has yor DSD actually secured her home from next year - as in signed an actual contract? Or has she just 'spoken to the LL' about it, and LL has just said, 'Yeah, okay whatever"?

Because I'm willing to bet the LL's main priority next year is getting enough people together to pay the rent, irregardless to what she has already mentioned in passing to your DSD. If the friction is so bad, and the 2 others don't want to live with DSD and find a third person first (even the current freeloader BF maybe?), the LL will give it to them. Especially. If your DSD struggles to fond 2 other people to live with her.
If a contract hasn't been signed already, I'd probably be enquiring about one soon if I were her - not to get there before the housemates and be petty (heck, they may even want to stay with you DSD next year, who knows), but just for piece of mind that she does actually have a secure place to remain.

Your DSD may already have 'adult skills' and be able to cook/clean, but right now, her housemates aren't seeing her behave like an adult. They see her step-mother stepping in to pay because she doesn't want to clean a loo that others use, and then she goes complaining to the LL. It may (and I say may - I do not know anyone in this scenario!) seem to them that DSD avoids any form of conflict by discussing as an adult, but instead goes running to other adults to solve her issues for her, like a child.

But, you seem very set that your way IS the right way, so you do you. Hopefully, the housemates will soon realise the benefits and everything just goes smoothly from now.

Because you appear strikingly unable to see it from the housemates POV. Put yourself in their shoes. You have rigidly applied a rule ‘the landlord says it is OK so it is OK’ and have no appreciation of the nuance of people’s feelings about things that are indeed by the letter of the law OK. So far so autistic.

Lol. OP’s position isn’t an exclusively autistic one. Plenty of neurotypical people, myself and maybe even the stepdaughter included, are similarly disinterested in pandering to petty bullshit.

Are you in the US?

Yes op
so you have got your way
so… rest up?

Ok we can go with that if you like 🤷‍♀️

Well then, if that’s the case then they can use the presence of cleaner as helpful motivation to keep it in their own rooms.

Majority doesn’t always rule, and it doesn’t in this case.

Why shouldn’t it be a point of principle? The roommates are the ones that chose to make this an issue in the first place. It didn’t and doesn’t need to take up any of their time at all. If they now feel uncomfortable because the DSD didn’t just roll over and do what they wanted then that’s on them.

OP’s DSD is fine to continue having the cleaner, has secured her place in the flat next year and is fine not being friends with these people. Where’s the hassle exactly?

I think it’s fine to set examples for policy - ‘chuck money at problems’ -separately from setting examples for behaviour - ‘earn money’.

Not that that applies in this case, as what’s being offered is a gift.

Absolutely
But they’re 18/19… I think we can let them off the hook

You mean stuff that shouldn’t be littering the common areas in the first place?

Me neither.

It is strikingly apparent

cleaners aren’t one homogenous group of people
of course some will have an issue with drug paraphernalia
many on mumsnet are vehemently against weed

Well she’s going to be living with these two for the next year so here’s hoping!

OP, this has not all sorted to a resolution that you find satisfactory.

You have spent the last day posting long and detailed posts about your step daughter’s situation which transpires has been resolved in the way you very much wanted it to be.

I think maybe just rest up now

”She does find it somewhat different to clean the bathroom behind people who aren’t family”

Your SD entered a house share arrangement that requires consensus - if you want to live in a peaceful home you are respectful of everyone’s wishes. Much like a family: sometimes in families the wishes of the majority prevail.

The boyfriend who lives there rent free should also be cleaning his share - it should be split by him too.

You ask if “we” are unreasonable? Who is “we”? Is that you and your family with SD versus other people whose actual home it is?

There is no reason at all why your SD cannot clean - if you’re generous enough to pay for a cleaner then she could clean and save the money you give her.

The issue was then raised to the LL, making other people who live their likely uncomfortable and hassled. Because your SD won’t clean her share of the house. This is not a smart way to approach a problem and it is not “a hill to die on” or make a point of principle. It is rigid and disregarding of her housemates who probably have other ways to spend their time.

Is this her last year of Uni, can she not move next year with people who suit her more? Has she just moved in and this has started so early in the year? It’s so much hassle for a student who could simply do her share of her own cleaning. I don’t know why you are so invested in her point of view.