This isn’t normal is it? Mum walking out on her children.

Happened in DHs side of the family (not to DH). 2/3 of the kids are properly struggling with it 40 years on and in turn has screwed their relationship with each other and their own kids.

Its much more unusual than men to leave that’s for sure.

Strange comment. I know of 4 people (some my age and some teens) in therapy because their Dads left.

People on here are reluctant to say it's not normal. No, it's not normal to leave your children. Not normal when a man does it, not normal and worse when a Mother does it. Her Motherly instincts are fucked. She was a shit Mother. She had no regard for your relationship with your Father and your need to feel settled and safe. How is your relationship now?

Some people keeping saying but men do thod all the time only women are judged more harshly. The latter might be true but still doesn't justify what op's mum did. There is also an interesting reluctance that perhaps he was indeed just good and she was just unavailable. The fact that it's rare for women doesn't mean it never happens.

@LondonLady1980 am sorry you were through this. Hope therapy helps you and when she is ready, your sis.

Your update on how badly she treated you is heartbreaking. You survived. You are (hopefully) thriving. You are amazingly strong

Some of these stories are so sad 😢 ❤️

My mum left when I was 10 and brother was 11.

Didn't see her for 2 years. Nasty divorce, horrible time, abusive father.

I understand why she left but I can't forgive her. I've tried.

After what you have said about her the fact she walked away from you was actually a saving grace.

Your early years are so important for social and emotional development at least you were safe.

She is no mother - I certainly wouldn’t be having anything to do with her

My mum left for a while after she split with my dad but then come back and dad left. I'm not angry that she left, only that she come back and that my weak dad didn't try and protect us from her at all.

Maybe in that situation but not in ours. My mum's decision was entirely selfish and in the 40 plus years since she left, nothing has occurred to prove otherwise.

I know a woman who left her first husband (married very young) and 3 dc for another man,leaving those kids with dad

She married the second man,had 2 kids with him and had an affair with another bloke (he was the lodger)

She left the dc (all the kids by this point where between 18 months and 17) and set up with the affair partner,having 2 dc with him (massive age gap) and claimed she felt no guilt at all

I know she's shagging around behind his back (he wouldn't listen if anyone told him as he's blindly in love with her)

Shes hit the menopause now,so no more babies for her but it's only a matter of time before she does it again

She ended up in the daily fail and was slaughtered in the comments

My neighbour left three children but took the dog.

I had a wonderful, happy childhood until I was 12. My mother had cervical cancer and had a hysterectmomery in her mid 30's. She went through an early menopause and went a bit nuts. She moved away for a job, started an affair and then left my dad after moving us hundreds of miles away from our family and support network. She left me with my dad and he went a bit nuts after. Kind of benign neglect from both for many years - dad had a house for us but was never there and often no food in the house, no loo roll (I now have an issue if we have less than six in the house). They both came good in the end. After years of blaming my mum I came to terms with the fact that I knew she loved me and was just having a really bad time. I was incredibly close to her until her death ten years ago. My dad and I are also good and he also paid for me though. I think my early excellent childhood made me wonder how my mum could ever have left me - and also being a mum now myself - and I wish that things could have been different.

My mum left when I was 6. She lived nearby and I went every other weekend. When I was 13 she had another child with new partner and I didn’t have a bedroom anymore. I was allowed to visit for the day at weekends but had to go home to sleep. I was not invited on her family holidays either. No mental health problems or big issues, just the life she chose. She was very successful, professional job etc. I’ve never discussed it with anyone, it’s just how it was.

Of course there are many women who leave their children because of domestic abuse and poor mental health after suffering years of trauma.

But there are some women who leave their children because they don’t enjoy motherhood, they miss their former lives, the drudgery of parenting is something they want to escape. There is something people find very unpalatable about this, as it’s deemed unnatural for mothers to leave. Likewise for when mothers abuse their children, particularly sexual abuse.

I know someone else this happened to. It came out many years later that mum had been threatened by dad (and by all accounts suffered mental/emotional abuse) but to all family and friends he appeared the doting dad and could do no wrong and mum had abandoned them. Not until dad died did they find out the truth which of course devastated them a second time; how could dad (and their family) do this and why didn't mum have the balls to do something even though she'd been brainwashed to think she was wrong/stupid/mentally unbalanced/uncaring or the kids were better off with dad. Sometimes things are not clearcut.

How your mother could treat you like that is awful, awful abuse. I'm so sorry OP. You deserved so much more from your mum.

Thank goodness for your excellent father.

I am so sorry this happened to you OP. My grandparents were in someways very like your parents in that my grandfather loved my grandmother but grandmother just wanted to escape her parents house. My mum was 7 and her brother 3 when my grandmother ran off with her boyfriend. It was 1966 and they went to Rhodesia. Granny tried to get her children back when she returned to the uk (some point before 1971) but was told that as she had abandoned them she couldn’t get them back. My grandfather was never aware that while he was working my mum was abused by her uncle (my grandfather’s brother). My mum told other family members but rather than help her they just kept their own children away. Meanwhile grandmother went on and had two more children with her second husband and when my mum would go and visit her mum, my grandmother would show her photos of family holidays and her younger siblings birthday parties (all things my mum never had). My grandmother could never talk about why she did what she did. Grandmother is still alive according to her Facebook account. My mother tried to go through therapy but the therapist just said it was amazing she could be such a good parent herself given her past and they weren’t sure how to help her so she gave up. My mum is always there when any of us need her because she cannot stand the thought of any of us feeling abandoned like she did.

Mine didn't walk out but when given the court's ultimatum of me vs new man, she would always pick the new man, so I ended up living with my dad. She now has a diagnosis of BPD with narcissistic features which explained a lot and really helped me understand what I went through

It's not the usual way for a couple w/children to break up. My aunt left my uncle one day, she left on my little 8 yr old cousin's birthday to drive her friend home from her bday party and never returned. They'd been having marital problems but this was a shock esp for my cousin.

Aunt moved across the country and returned approx 20 years later when her 2nd marriage broke up. There were many very awkward moments at family events where she tried to blend back in as if she'd never left except by then there was a new generation of children who'd ask 'who is that lady over there' only to be told that's your grandmother and the baffled expressions on those kids faces was worth all the awkwardness.

I always felt she had balls of steel to show her face, they had older boys who were grown/mostly grown but her actions were very destructive to my sweet cousin, an only girl with many older bothers. She craved her mother for years afterward.

I know my uncle had poor mental health and drank too much but he was never known to be mean. I also know that no outsider ever knows what happens in a family or marriage but even had uncle been abusive imo that's even more reason NOT to leave your kids behind! It sounds like your mother had serious problems of her own that she didn't know how to deal with and she tried taking the easy way out. That didn't work and she had to save face/have money to live on (child support)/maybe just didn't know what to do when the relationship broke up so she got your and your sister back and obviously couldn't cope or face the damage she caused (and to this day she can't cope w/it if you're afraid to broach it with her).

I'm sorry this happened but I'm glad you know now how wrong it all was and are getting therapy and that your own children will never know that pain.

From reading other comments here, in my family the aunt who abandoned her family-I think her mother may have abandoned her or died young. I heard a story of her father dying and no mention ever of a mother so possibly she came from similar painful early life. I know her reputation never recovered no matter how she tried, it was silly to expect to be accepted with open arms after disappearing for two decades.

OP keep on with your therapy it sounds like you're doing well working through trauma 💞

It’s not common, but my SIL’s mum did that to her as well. She also had several children taken off her before my SIL. My SIL thinks her mum never really wanted to care for the kids, she only wanted unprotected sex and the attention of being pregnant. Sadly it happens, she doesn’t wanna be a mum and I’m really sorry that she was yours.

I hope your dad was good and provided the unconditional love you needed

The same happened to my nephew at the same age (around the same time too). His 'DM' decided to get a job for the first time when DN was around 7/8 and would therefore receive the child support because DB had a good career, (before that it was taken into account for benefits iirc). She decided she wanted him back.
She grabbed him off the street one day, went straight to a solicitor and was even asking for years of backpay.
unisually for back then, DB was granted full custody through the courts.MDN's 'DM' never pursued any visitation.
MN often defends mothers at all costs and makes excuses, but they've never met anyone like her. She was toxic and caused nothing but heartbreak.
DN died suddenly when he was in his early twenties. She has a narrative of herself as the grieving mother. If I hadn't been there I'd believe her because the truth of her actions, some of which I can only describe as evil, as compared to reality, bear no resemblance.
she completely abandoned him aged two, never bought him as much as a Birthday card or Christmas gift. I'm so sorry you experienced such toxicity.