Page 5 | To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

Justinegh · 2025-09-04T14:34:41+00:00

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed. DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day. He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting. Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

Shayisgreat · 05/09/2025 15:52

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 15:10

Hahaha and sprinkle it on your dinner like Parmesan cheese 😂

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JFC what an image

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 05/09/2025 15:50

SaulGood · 04/09/2025 17:20

As for people insisting that everyone should shower before sex... I forgot that in the world of Mumsnet, people are meant to scrub down with Dettol and then sanitise any interlocking body parts with antibac wipes before gritting their teeth and suffering through their duty of having to be in contact with another human body

I know it's fun to take the piss but when you've been hospitalised with kidney infections after years of UTIs every time you have sex, the advice for some of us does become "you and your partner must shower thoroughly before sex. Hands, genitals and arseholes."

This. I am peri menopausal and only need to look at my DH while we’re both unshowered and I’ll get a uti. Yes, it kills spontaneity and yes, it sucks, but fortunately my DH is very understanding and scrupulous. All the people on here being outraged at the idea of washing before sex have no idea how lucky they are. Just hope that it doesn’t come for you when you’re my age!

Digdongdoo · 05/09/2025 15:47

Frenchtoastie · 05/09/2025 15:43

You can rinse your bum in the shower before using your flannel or pouffe.
how would you sufficiently dry and store the bun-sink flannel inbetween uses? It makes absolutely no sense to me

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Why do you need to store and dry it? Just wash it. You don't need a dedicated bum-sink flannel. (I don't personally wash my bum in the sink, I'm gross and don't shower after every shit).

Frenchtoastie · 05/09/2025 15:43

Digdongdoo · 05/09/2025 12:28

What's wrong with a flannel? You'd have to use a flannel or something in the bath anyway... A soapy flannel isn't going to contaminate anything.

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You can rinse your bum in the shower before using your flannel or pouffe.
how would you sufficiently dry and store the bun-sink flannel inbetween uses? It makes absolutely no sense to me

Frenchtoastie · 05/09/2025 15:41

Slightyamusedandsilly · 05/09/2025 12:40

And yet you're OK with a shag with a bloke who's just had a poo and no wash.

Illogical.

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That wasn’t me🤣
my husbands always showers before getting in bed thank god

Howinthehelldidthishappen · 05/09/2025 15:34

@OriginalSkang you're going to have to explain this one to me because I just don't get it

Also, people who get into bed with no underwear on after shitting and not washing are also disgusting

OSTMusTisNT · 05/09/2025 15:34

If DTD means a quick 2 minute bounce i wouldn't care. It's a chore for baby making only.

But, a proper session needs a deep clean shower first though.

Plastictreees · 05/09/2025 15:32

Honestly I was going to have herb crusted salmon for dinner and all this chat had turned me right off 😖

Mischance · 05/09/2025 15:32

If you engage in oral sex you will inevitably be exposed to germs of all sorts. That is just the nature of genitalia - they are not a germ free zone, Like most of our body. No amount of showering and scrubbing can change that fact.

If that worries you then choose not to do it. If not, then get stuck in!

HoLeeFuk · 05/09/2025 15:28

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 15:21

As I said if you think your arse is clean because you wipes with tissue paper than I don't really know what to say to you.

And as I said it's fine if you have no issues with the scenarios but OP has every right to be repulsed and turned off.

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Okay, well it's nice that you love him even with his shit-crusted dick. There's hope for us all.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 15:21

HoLeeFuk · 05/09/2025 15:15

But seriously, why is it shit-crusted? Does he have explosive diarrhoea every time?

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As I said if you think your arse is clean because you wipes with tissue paper than I don't really know what to say to you.

And as I said it's fine if you have no issues with the scenarios but OP has every right to be repulsed and turned off.

HoLeeFuk · 05/09/2025 15:15

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 15:11

You really think wiping your arse with toilet paper means it's clean? It's not like he has bidet or something and it's fine if you have no issue sucking his dick when he has just had a shit, OP is within her rights to be repulsed and turned off by it, we don't have to like the same things.

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But seriously, why is it shit-crusted? Does he have explosive diarrhoea every time?

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 15:11

HoLeeFuk · 05/09/2025 15:09

Why does the man you love have a shit-crusted dick after he goes to the toilet?

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You really think wiping your arse with toilet paper means it's clean? It's not like he has bidet or something and it's fine if you have no issue sucking his dick when he has just had a shit, OP is within her rights to be repulsed and turned off by it, we don't have to like the same things.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 15:10

ThatLilacBeaker · 05/09/2025 15:08

Once it’s dried onto his bum cheeks you can just crack the crust and brush it off like sand.

Hahaha and sprinkle it on your dinner like Parmesan cheese 😂

HoLeeFuk · 05/09/2025 15:09

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 15:02

Sorry you have a miserable sex life, some people love their partners and enjoy pleasuring each other rather than wham bham stick it in, pump and go, shit crusted sex.

Goodluck and I do hope you get to enjoy amazing sex with someone you love and are connected to where you both make sure you are prioritized at least once in your life, maybe that will stop you making such childish comments 😂.

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Why does the man you love have a shit-crusted dick after he goes to the toilet?

ThatLilacBeaker · 05/09/2025 15:08

Once it’s dried onto his bum cheeks you can just crack the crust and brush it off like sand.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 15:02

blondebombsite13 · 05/09/2025 14:46

Make love 🤢

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Sorry you have a miserable sex life, some people love their partners and enjoy pleasuring each other rather than wham bham stick it in, pump and go, shit crusted sex.

Goodluck and I do hope you get to enjoy amazing sex with someone you love and are connected to where you both make sure you are prioritized at least once in your life, maybe that will stop you making such childish comments 😂.

blondebombsite13 · 05/09/2025 14:46

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 13:30

I would like to know why you need to schedule a shit before sex every single time.

Hey babe wanna have sex? Sure let me take a shit first. Seriously there's no other time???? Is that part of his foreplay?

I wouldn't be surprised if he is one of those men who don't wipe properly leaving shit streaks in his underwear. (This is just me projecting I don't know if he does 😆)

I totally see how it is a turnoff for her. Starting to get in the mood, touching, romantic gestures etc, getting into it then he needs to go take a shit then come back and expect her to suck him.

Would she be unreasonable to expect that they both take showers before sex? For quickies we don't but when we want to take our time and make love we take showers, make sure we smell good for each other, and have fun, hygiene is very important to me.

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Make love 🤢

Ilovelifeverymuch · 05/09/2025 13:30

IamNotBeingUnreasonable · 05/09/2025 01:47

I would love to know how to schedule a shit for a more convenient time. Seriously I would.

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I would like to know why you need to schedule a shit before sex every single time.

Hey babe wanna have sex? Sure let me take a shit first. Seriously there's no other time???? Is that part of his foreplay?

I wouldn't be surprised if he is one of those men who don't wipe properly leaving shit streaks in his underwear. (This is just me projecting I don't know if he does 😆)

I totally see how it is a turnoff for her. Starting to get in the mood, touching, romantic gestures etc, getting into it then he needs to go take a shit then come back and expect her to suck him.

Would she be unreasonable to expect that they both take showers before sex? For quickies we don't but when we want to take our time and make love we take showers, make sure we smell good for each other, and have fun, hygiene is very important to me.

HoLeeFuk · 05/09/2025 13:24

Digdongdoo · 05/09/2025 13:07

Do you not understand how soap and water work?

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Do you?

OriginalSkang · 05/09/2025 13:23

I would not have sex with someone who had just had a poo and not washed! Honestly, how disgusting! You would 100% be able to smell it on going down on him. Also, people who get into bed with no underwear on after shitting and not washing are also disgusting

Washing with a bum flannel - also disgusting. Just wash your bum in the shower, it would take the same amount of time!

Mischance · 05/09/2025 13:11

I have never used a flannel on my vulva or anus. I wash them with my hands in the shower and spray rinse - job done!

I have occasionally had to have a "festival shower" using a wet wipe.

Digdongdoo · 05/09/2025 13:07

HoLeeFuk · 05/09/2025 13:00

One is rubbing the same piece of cloth over your arsehole and vulva.

One is having contact with a penis that's near a wiped arsehole.

And you think the former is logically more hygienic?

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Do you not understand how soap and water work?

HoLeeFuk · 05/09/2025 13:00

Slightyamusedandsilly · 05/09/2025 12:40

And yet you're OK with a shag with a bloke who's just had a poo and no wash.

Illogical.

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One is rubbing the same piece of cloth over your arsehole and vulva.

One is having contact with a penis that's near a wiped arsehole.

And you think the former is logically more hygienic?

Frenchtoastie · 05/09/2025 12:55

notthepootroll2 · 05/09/2025 12:50

Sometimes you have to do it
I had surgery and couldn’t shower or bath and there was no way I wasn’t washing. Very hot water, soap and a flannel and just put the flannel in the wash either
same as if you’re caring for someone who is bedbound, they can’t bathe or shower so it’s a bed wash

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I totally agree with the concept of a bed bath in these circumstances but the poster is saying she does this for herself and her child as a daily hygiene routine?
I can’t understand this